Things I'm looking for...in an apartment.

Well, I never thought this day would come. I imagined myself living with Jamie and Shane forever. In our apartment. I talked to some bankers about a personal loan so that I could, maybe, BUY my apartment (relax, that's a joke. Even though I'm Jewish, I don't like talking to bankers). I imagined the three of us growing old together. Eventually, when they got married, and when I got married (look, it could happen...), I pictured our kids sharing the third bedroom...little Jewish running amok as whatever Jamie and Shane named their kids would sit idly by. Sigh.


But, it's not happening.

I mean, maybe next year after our separate stints, we'll reconvene at our apartment in the ghetto section of Astoria...but probably not. Oh, we're parting amicably...so don't worry about that. I hate them now as much as I hated them when I first moved in (jk jk jk).


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Anyway, so now I'm looking for a new apartment. I'm sure you're curious so I'll tell you the bla bla bla of it all: movingNovember1.movinginwithLaura(afriendofKristyn'sfromPeaceCorps).stayinginAstoria.



As I peruse Craig's List and put myself on the market...I take stock of where I am and what I'm really looking for...in an apartment (an aside: Did any of you see that 'Oprah' a little while ago where she interviewed the girl who got raped from a Craig's List ad her ex-boyfriend put up? WHAT THE F IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?)

1) Two bedrooms. Yeah, Laura and I aren't gonna share a bedroom.

2) Two EQUAL size bedrooms. AHA! Now it's getting tricky. You thought this was going to be a piece of cake.

3) CLOSETS. Can I get an amen? Closets are apparently a luxury item akin to gold and diamonds when searching for apartments in NYC. My current apartment has...two public closets...and then each room also has a nice-sized closet. Growing up in CT, and going to school at communist AU (with rooms on campus that were ALL the same size and featured a full wall or drawers and closet space), I always had a closet. I thought closets were like air, water, walls, ceilings and floors (read: necessities)…but apparently not.

4) Wood Floors. Yeah…carpeting isn’t necessarily a bad thing…but wood floors are easy to clean and don’t hold stains like carpets (Was someone killed in this room at one point? I don’t get that red color…uh)

5) Windows. If I wanted to feel like I was in prison I would rough someone up and then shoot them. Actually…I might be more of a white collar crime type of girl.

6) NO BROKER’S FEE!!!!!!!! Do other cities besides New York have real estate brokers, and more importantly, real estate broker’s fees? I had an apartment in DC but it was in a building so there weren’t any up front costs…or, actually, maybe there were…but I wasn’t paying for it. UM.

7) LOCATION (location location). I would prefer not to be like…a 15 minute walk from the subway. If you’ve interacted with me in the mornings you understand why. If you’ve heard me bitch about carrying things, then you also understand why. If you’ve read this blog…well…you get where I’m going with this.

8) NO. ROACHES. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!! On the flip side…when people have come to look at my current apartment to see if they’d be interested in renting I don’t tell them about our past roach / mice problems unless they specifically ask. Don’t ask don’t tell (too soon?)

9) Not a billion dollars. A billion minus one dollars, perhaps. Or should I say perhapsly?

LET’S GET THIS BABY UP!