Things I like about Carla (from 'Top Chef')

Hey!

It seemed like my last entry was pretty tame, right? It might have even verged on BORING for those of you who don't watch 'Top Chef'. Well, don't be fooled. It wasn't a boring entry. In fact, there was some controversy around it.

You: But Becky, your blog is too boring to have controversy around. Controversy is for blogs like perezhilton.com!

Oh, I know. Believe me, I know. The deal is that apparently Mikey hadn't watched the 'Top Chef' finale and as such I ruined the ending for him. WOW. That is SO awkward. My bad. But, no one told you that you had to upload my blog to google reader. And it's not my fault that you read who won! I didn't physically forcce your eyes to read the page! But I still feel bad. But it's your fault. Bad. Fault. Bad. I could just keep going on like this for hours.

But instead, let me continue on my 'Top Chef' blogging streak: Things I like about Carla

1) Washington, DC. Carla lives in Washington, DC. Hey! I've heard of that place! Actually, I've even been there! Actually, I even used to live there AND go to school there! Did you know that?


2) She used to be a model. HAHAHAHA, wow. If you've ever seen Carla...then...you know what I'm laughing at...

But really, "model" or not I am very superficial. So the fact that Carla was at one point a "model", praised for her looks and paid to just pose a certain way, really appeals to me. I'm all about looks. In fact you might want to check yoself before we hang out again. Becky don't play that


3) LOVE. Carla puts love into her food. And in general she's just a very loving person. She helps out when other chefs need a hand. She wears her heart on her sleeve. She just embodies love...is there any other way I can say this?

4) BIG EYES. Haven't I always said that I find things with BIG EYES to be adorable? Haven't I? Well, in the eye arena Carla's VERY WELL endowed. Therefore, love her do I.

Here we have Carla's eyes, next to my eyes. I tried to find a picture where I wasn't smiling (that makes your eyes squint and appear to be smaller than they are), so that I could present a fair comparison of our eyes. Now, I've been told before that I have big eyes but if you look at the white area in Carla's eyes vs. the white area in mine...no comparison. NO. COMPARISON.

5) Desserts. I am a big fan-o desserts. Brownies make me melt. A good cake (with some good frosting) warms my heart. Carla's dessert skills are something I like about her.

6) Clean. Whereas Ho(stupidstupidjerkbuttholeskankwhorebiatchexpletiveexpletiveepxpletive)sea played the game in a dirty fashion, by putting other people down and even STEALING their ingredients, Carla moved ahead in a honest, clean way. She helped other competitors when they fell behind, was emotionally supportive, had a positive attitude and was overall a good competitor. That's something I definitely like about her.


7) Indirectly funny. Who can forget when Carla yelled out 'GAIIIIIIILLLLLLLLL' you know, that one time, when um...she needed Gail? (I believe it was the first episode where Gail was replaced by Toby as a judge) And just, all of those other funny things she said. I can't remember any of them right now which is not helping my argument! DAMNIT!

8) She keeps it simple. Sometimes simplicity is just what you need.

Carla fans, are you pleased with the amount of documentation that I have of Carla's many faces?

Oh, and incase you're curious:

http://www.alchemycaterers.com/

Reasons why Hosea shouldn't have won top chef

I don't have much time to write this before I have to go, but I just wanted to give my reaction(s) to Hosea's winning 'Top Chef'.

Reason's why Hosea shouldn't have won 'Top Chef'

1) He's lame. He really is. If you watch the show then you know what I'm talking about.

2) He doesn't cook that well. OK, so he's a better chef than me but still. Is he better, consistently than Stefan? Or <3 Carla <3 ? I don't think so.

3) He doesn't cook dessert. The venison he prepared might have been better than Carla's souffle-that-didn't-happen and Stefan's dessert-circa-1982 (what does that mean?), but that doesn't change the fact that it wasn't a dessert. If I ask to pick me up a dessert and 'surprise' and you bring me home a sirloin steak, even if the steak is good, even if it's the best steak in the world, it won't change the fact that you DIDN'T PICK ME UP A DESSERT. The sirloin won't take away the longing I had for something sweet, you know? You don't end a meal with another main course...it's just not right! How can someone who can't make desserts be A top chef, let alone THE top chef?

4) He's annoying.

5) He wanted to win to beat Stefan. Why would someone go to all the trouble of becoming top chef just to spite someone else? If you're a true competitor and someone who STRIVES to be the best, then you probably want to win for yourself. Carla, for example (blogging about her tomorrow, no worries), wanted tow in top chef for herself. She wanted to show the world her style of cooking (not Casey's awkward) and win for herself. She wasn't dirty in her tactics. She was nice. She was clean. Hosea on the other hand, stole ingredients from Stefan, stuck people with ingredients he didn't want to deal with...and even after he'd beaten out two GREAT chefs all he could say was 'I beat Stefan'. It's not about Stefan, Hosea. STOP OBSESSING!

6) Dirty. I kind of mentioned this already but Hosea didn't fight 'fair'. First of all, he probably made out with Leah or whatever the hell he did with her just to get her distracted so she would be eliminated. Second of all, half of what he talked about was Stefan in his interviews. 'I hate Stefan', 'Stefan is stupid' 'Stefan this' 'Stefan that'. What about your FOOD Hosea? Did you come on top chef to make food or to trash talk someone else? And why steal Stefan's ingredients and give him alligator to cook just to be mean?

I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!

Things I like about FREE PANCAKE DAY!

Yesterday was a day that will live on in my memory for a long time.

NO, not because of President Obama's speech to congress. That was a good speech though. I watched part of it, and re-read the whole speech this morning when I got into work. I wish he had been a little more specific though. HOW are we going to make our teachers better or get the banks to start lending again. Give me and A, B, C Barack! I need specifics!

Wasn't it cute how Barack referenced Michelle in the beginning of the speech? Gosh, those two just melt my heart. Really. And what about Michelle's purple dress?! I LOVED IT! I want to go out and buy one right now! I can wear it the Aretha Franklin hat that I bought after inauguration.

But anyway, that's not what I'm talking about. Yesterday was a special day because it was FREE PANCAKE DAY at Ihop! YES! A free short stack of pancakes at every Ihop in the country. WOW. Jason told us about this a few weeks ago and since then I'd been counting down the minutes until those glorious, buttery, pancakes would be mine...for free!

Q: How much are pancakes on FREE pancake day?
A: You're a tard.

Things I like about free pancake day:

1) Virtually FREE. I know, I might have mislead you here. But let me explain. The pancakes WERE technically free. They really were FREE. But then you add in tip, and the side of bacon that I HAD to have and...it ends up costing you $4, not $0. Still, $4 for a dinner in New York is practically nothing...so...I liked that? UM. Moving on...

2) Pancakes. I just really like pancakes! Who doesn't? They're so fluffly and bready and salty but sweet. MMM

Figure A:


Figure B:


3) Strawberry syrup. Strawberry syrup or should I say 'syrup' (I don't know exactly what the ingredients of REAL syrup are, but I'm sure that Ihop doesn't use them. They have big jugs of sludgy looking sugary goop which is what they slosh into the small containers that find their way to your table. That being said, it doesn't matter to me what it is as long as it tastes good. If I didn't eat processed foods with random chemicals in them I'd starve! or at the very least, die!) is my favorite. It's all red and smells sugary and good. Where else can you get it besides Ihop? No really, please tell me. I have some free time after work tomorrow so maybe I can go pick some up.

4) Excuse to eat butter, practically plain. I really like butter and I joke sometimes that I would eat it plain. 'Oh haha', I chuckle. 'That butter looks so good I'm about to shove it in my mouth right now!'. Of course I would never do that. But, at Ihop, incase you don't remember (I would say 'or incase you haven't been there but who hasn't been to Ihop?), they just a big scoop of butter right on top of the pancakes for you. You can eat the butter, PRACTICALLY plain, under the guise of melting it into your pancakes. 'Oh no. I'm not EATING that butter plain. Gross! Who does that. I'm just melting it into my pancakes. What's that? It's not melted into the pancakes yet and I'm still eating it?...' It's like they knew I was coming...


5) Time with friends. Awkward that this is number five on the list, eh? But, I got to spend time with Debbie and Jason and other Jason (you can decide who other Jason is) while we were waiting in line for over an hour (Oh yeah. Let me tell you about it. We got to Ihop. Jason put our names in and 'The guy' told us it would be 30-40 minutes. OK, so no one's ever HAPPY about having to wait in line at Ihop but you know, things like this happen on FREE PANCAKE DAY! So we waited, and 40 minutes in Jason went to the 'the guy' and asked him how much longer it would be. 'The guy' said it would be an hour. AN HOUR?! We'd already been waiting 40 minutes! We looked around the restaurant and noticed that more than half of the tables were empty. Why were these tables empty?! People kept coming into Ihop, but no one was coming out. Was this a kind of horror movie? Oh, you might go into Ihop but you'll NEVER COME OUT. We asked 'The guy' what the hold up was and he said something about how there wasn't a waitress for empty tables so he couldn't seat anyone. BOB LOBLAW, I said! That's bullshit. Eventually, after an hour and ten minutes or so we were seated. YESSSS) and then at our booth so that was fun. We laughed, we commented about how ridiculous this whole thing was, we made fun of people who claimed to be on food stamps. We'll always have the memories...*sigh*

6) Blog topic. Look, the haikus and limericks couldn't last forever...

What I did over the weekend-limerick form

Hello Everyone! I hope you had a nice weekend! What's that? You had a crappy weekend? You don't have any friends, besides me and this blog? You missed me and didn't know what to do without me? Well, I guess I'm flattered. But I'm also creeped out! I'm your only friend? You have no life besides THIS blog? How did you let your life get to this place? What's wrong with you?

AWW. AWWW. There there. I didn't mean what I said. I'm drunk, ok? That's why I said those things. Stupid tequila! OK, I'm not really drunk but...what other excuse besides intoxication could I have for being a douche and making you feel bad?


So, the haikus were a big hit! Thanks for all the comments and praise. But now I'm ready to move on to something else: Limericks

Incase you don't remember/never knew what a limerick is, I quote:

"The standard form of a limerick is a stanza of five lines, with the first, second and fifth having 7-10 syllables and rhyming with one another, and the third and fourth having five or six and rhyming separately."

So, let's give this a shot! What I did over the weekend-limerick form

I went to visit Rebecca
She lives in P.A., not Tribeca
She rents a clean house
Without a roach or mouse
Something, Something Shme-shme-ka

We went for drinks Friday night
We got along, no fights
I had some red wine
Two beers later, I felt fine
In my houndstooth dress-what a sight!


Sat. a.m. we ate some eggs
With delicious tea sans dreggs!
I took a shower
For an hour
The water scalded my legs

Just playin' about the water
It wasn't that hot-it was hotter!
I'm kidding with you again
No wonder I have no friends
When I walk I teeter-totter


Our next stop was salvation army
We needed clothes for THE party
What party you ask?
Clothes? Such a task!
But, you need pants to party-hearty

THE party was a 90's affair
I even braided my hair
We wore big shirts
Leggings so ugly they hurt
Once the music gets going, who cares?!


Sunday morning Elizabeth came
Just for the day, what a shame
We ate some brunch
Had candy for lunch
Played mall madness-what a game!

When Elizabeth left I drove back
To Queens, well, after I packed
There wasn't much traffic
I listened to music
But driving, anyway, is whack

In short, Pennsylvania was rad
Being back at work's a bit sad
But, Becca and I had fun
I enjoyed the visit a ton
And for the memories I am glad


Should I return to haikus
I don't know what to do, do you?
Let me know what you think
Leave a comment, post a link
So I can figure out which form to use

HASTA!

This might be the last haiku post for a while

From the fog, through the rain storm, under snow flakes Andrew comes a-running to point out more syllable counting mistakes in my haikus.

To be fair, I DO appreciate the critiques.

And to be even more fair, I was probably a) on the phone b) talking to someone c) looking up info and d) coding checks when I was writing those so.

LET ME MAKE CORRECTIONS!

ORIGINAL:
Taking the crosstown bus
What a cast of characters
In my life's movie

CORRECTION:
TOOK the crosstown bus
What a cast of characters
In my life's movie

ORIGINAL:
We had some extra time
So of course we got a drink!
Magners Cider Rocks!

CORRECTION:
We had extra time
So of course we got a drink!
Magners Cider Rocks!

ORIGINAL:
OK really, goodnight
No more book, ipod or phone
Get my beauty rest

CORRECTION:
Ok really, 'night
No more book, ipod or phone
Get my beauty rest

I will be correcting the original so it reads smoothly......

Practice makes perfect!

And even more haikus

I left work around 5:30 yesterday and didn't go to bed til 11 (so late, right?). That's almost 6 hours of waking-ness out of the office! Since I was technically doing a 'day in the life: haikus' feature, I think it's only fair if I continue on and recount my after-work-day yesterday in haiku form.

Debbie and I left
We went to see some art, cool!
Paper cuts are neat



Took the crosstown bus
What a cast of characters
In my life's movie


We had extra time
So of course we got a drink!
Magners Cider Rocks!

Shake Shack, I love you
Your hamburgers are so good
You have changed my life


And Also, Shake Shack
I love your french fries, for realz
A recipe, please?

Playing hard to get
Fine! No recipe for me!
See if I come back

Baby, I'm sorry
I didn't mean what I said
I love you, Shake Shack

Why does nine feel late?
I'm ready for bed. RIGHT. NOW.
I'll read 'Twilight' first


Goodnight Moon, Goodnight
I think I have to pee now
Thanks a lot mint tea!

Good, I feel better
Now I can relax, rest some
BZZZ-is that my phone?



OK really, 'night
No more book, ipod or phone
Get my beauty rest

Haikus continued

Oh shit, I'm stupid
Hours is two syllables
Andrew is right, duh

but Latez is just one
So, ha! I can 'kind of' count
'Kind of', not 'really'

Now, that being said
I can't really talk right now
Too much "busy" work

I will post later
Some great haikus and pictures
Can you wait for it?

In love with presidents...or something...

To sum up current events: Valentines Shmalentines Day, I normally say. And what's a President, anyway? I usually ask.

But today isn't just any other day, like those holidays . Today is Tuesday, February 17th for Chrissakes! Doesn't that mean anything to you? Me either.

Since today is February 17th, 2009 (a day that will never be repeated...isn't that morbid?), and since I have no other ideas but I haven't blogged for a while, and since Kate suggested this topic I present to you:

A day in the life of Becky: Haikus

Waking up is hard
Shower today? Tomorrow?
Why am I dirty?

What clothes should I wear?
A dress, or possibly pants?
I could go naked


Taking the subway
Who are all of these people?
Reading 'twilight'-yay!


Where are my glittens?
Oh right, I don't own any
A girl can have dreams

Eating my breakfast
Cereal bar and an orange
Coffee would be nice

Facebook stalking now
Look at those pics, those wall posts
I am a big creep


Is it lunch time yet?
Another half hour or more
I might eat myself

What to blog about?
Kate suggests doing haikus
Five-Seven-Five, right?


"Someone just called me?"
I don't know you, weird lady
But now I hate you

Wanting to nap now
Can I crawl under my desk?
No one has to know


Deb came and said 'hi'
We joked, and wasted some time
Now it's four o'clock!

Let's haiku all day
I suggested in G-Chat
This is what Kate said:

"That would be so hard
That's what she said! I went there
Ten minutes, one line


I was mad impressed
Had Kate been hiding her skillz?
Here's what I wrote back:

Kate the english whiz
Becky can barely speak good
Haikus are funny

Now back to my job
Pretend I've been hard at work
Maybe I have been?


Coding checks is lame
Why can't a robot do this?
Oh wait, is that me?


Bye everyone, latez'
It's been fun, messing around
Let's get drinks sometime

On behalf of the academy...

...my family, friends, G-d (yes you big guy! well, you might not be a guy. In fact, you're not really human at all so why would I call you 'he' or 'she'? Why limit what you are, G-d? You can be anything that you want to be! But, why even limit you to a 'thing' actually. Aren't things human constructs too? This is exhausting), the internet, my job (that allows me time to blog whilst working), MIKEY (because he bought me this web domain! Remember? I told you that in the last blog entry? Do you guys even pay attention to anything I write in here? Check the previous entry, gosh. And don't bother reading unless you're going to COMMIT, ok?!), and other...things I can't remember right now, I'd like to say 'thank you for this legit web address'

It seems like just yesterday that I started this blog. I was a young kid then, with little more than pennies and a paper clip in my pocket and a head full of dreams.


'I have a dream' I said, the day I started this blog. 'I have a dream that one day there will be a blog. A blog full of random thoughts and tangents that will stretch on for many lines. A blog with funny pictures and even funnier ideas. A blog that's inspired, and at the same time kind of boring unless you're the one who wrote it. A blog that's colorful, but also black. And I want, above all, this blog to make people happy. And by 'people' I mean myself. I want this blog to make me happy'

And so I began. The first few entries were too long and lacked pictures. The entries after that were also too long, but HAD pictures. Some things worked ( 'things that grind my gears' for example) and other things didn't ('things I like about leprechauns' anyone?) but I trudged on. I saw my blog for what it could be, for the potential it had.

Slowly, you all caught on. First it was Debbie and Erin who would comment to me, saying they had LOVED my blog and that it was the funniest thing they'd ever read. Next it was Kate and Josh, asking me how I'd hidden my talents all these years? Then it was complete strangers who waited outside my apartment with banners saying things like 'BECKY'S BLOG is the BEST BLOG EVER'.

Finally, it was a segment on 'The Today Show' where Matt Lauer interviewed and asked me how I got to be so frickin' sweet (I didn't know he talked like that either. It was totally crazy). Holding a lollipop in my hand, wearing a flowered bonnet and a prairie dress, smiling from ear-to-ear I answered in the words of Will.I.Am 'I got it from my momma, Matt'.

I installed google analytics to track how many of you were actually reading this blog. Surprisingly, the numbers began to climb. First 10 people a day, then 20, and sometimes even 30 or 40! WOW! My ego inflated with this new found success. I started buying mink coats, drinking crystall (and not the creepy Colombian Cristal by accident, the legit, P.Diddy champagne-y Crystall), sleeping from noon til' 8 every day, and speaking with a British accent. Was I funny enough to pull off being snobby?

And slowly, I realized I was. And that I also wasn't. You know how these things work. One day you're a quirky hit, and the next day you're a bitchy leper who no one wants to touch. And I just want to be touched!

That being said, I calmed down a little and things progressed until a few days ago when my blog, as you know, became official. And for that, I am truly grateful *lights up a long, Cruell Deville type cigarette*.

Oh, I hear that awful music cutting me off and some guy is in my ear telling me to wrap this up...or is it 'rap'?...so I will. Again, thank you so much to my friends and family and to Jesus and to G-d and to Mohammed and the lady who got off the subway this morning and left me her seat, oh and to Buddha (my bad, Buddha!), and Mikey, and the lady who gave me a massage the other day (that 7 minutes has really made all the difference), and my cats, and the people who work at Dunkin' Donuts and always give me 5 or 6 munchkins when I only ask for/pay f or 3, and to the Academy.

DOT.COMS are not dead. They're just beginning! viva le beckysaysthat.com ! ole

Things I got for FREE yesterday

You might be thinking to yourself:

'Wait a second. Could Becky have gotten MORE free things yesterday? Would Becky have gotten MORE free things yesterday? HOW did Becky get more free things yesterday? Isn't Becky filling up her quota of free things by now? Other people want free things too! I hate that Becky girl. I don't know if it's the way she smiles when she doesn't know what's going on. Or if it's the way she makes jokes that people don't get. Or if it's the way that sometimes she matches TOO much (quilted jacket, purse and shoes all at once...). Or if it's the way that she just keeps getting free things. God, I wish I got free things. Are you there God, it's me Margaret? Yeah, Margaret. No. M-A-R-G-A-R-E-T. Yeah, right. I'm 5'5". Uh huh. OK. I can't believe God put me on hold'

But yes, it's true. I received ANOTHER free thing yesterday! AND, for good measure, it involves this very blog. My friend Mikey (who use to be my boss at my awesome internship senior year of college) bought me my own web address!

You might be wondering how that could be. I mean I already have a web address, but has a lame .blogspot.com address. NOW, thanks to mikey, I OWN: beckysaysthat.com. I'm a '.com'. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! And people said that .com's were dead.

PUH-LEAZ!

Thanks Mikey! <3

Things I got for FREE today

The Jew in me is screaming!

Not because it's Shabbat.

Not because it's Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur (The Days of 'Awe' as we like to call them).

Not because there are free tickets to a Matisyahu concert.


Not because Adam Sandler just put ANOTHER version of the Hanukkah song (what are we up to? 22? 23?).

Not because Woody Allen stopped by my office, and not even because OF my office.

Not because I just ate a good bagel, or even because I just made a whole list of Jewish stereotypes.

No, the Jew in me is screaming because I got A LOT OF FREE stuff today!

Free! If there's anything better than getting something for free please tell me. I'd like to know. I feel like I deserve to be enlightened. Oh and I feel like I should clarify. By 'something for free' I don't mean cat calls that you get in the street (because you get called at for FREE), or fliers that are left in your wind shield when you park your car somewhere (that's not FREE, that's trash), or gum that gets stuck on the bottom of your shoe (that's GROSS). By 'getting something for free' I mean getting something (a noun) , in a non-shady way (no sex, please!), for NO cost to you. Preferably, this 'thing' would be something that you would normally HAVE TO pay for.

So, things I got for free (that I wanted, in a non-shady, non-gross, awesome way):

1) Massage! A five minute massage, or was it SIX minute massage, at my work's wellness fair. SWEET!

2) Orange Juice AND an orange. Oh yeah, FREE orange juice AND a FREE orange...also at the wellness fair!


3) Toothpaste! Well, I'm nowhere near to being out of toothpaste but a small travel-sized tube never hurt anyone.

4) Half of a tuna melt sandwich! OK, so this is a little shady...but my boss didn't want the rest of the her delicious tuna melt and offered it to me so, duh, I accepted! A FREE lunch! And, the sandwich came with fries. MMM
5) A little green stress-ball-y guy. This is hard to explain, but it was FREE, and I love it. Something to note: I also got this at the wellness fair! Can we have these every week? Or better yet, every hour of every day?!

I think that's it. What a great list. I know you must all be really jealous so, just to be safe, I'll be locking of all these valuables up in a safe and hiring someone to watch over it for me. Oh, and incase YOU apply for that position, I won't hire you. No one who reads this blog can guard my possessions.

(random)
:)

Things you can do without talking pt. 2

So, I talked to some of my loyal readers and it seems like there's a REAL interest out there as to what I actually DID without talking yesterday. I mean, sure there's the hypothetical list of what I am ABLE to do without talking (cure cancer, save a child from drowning, end poverty-I know I didn't mention any of these but I thought they were implied...why are you so stupid?/slow?/my friend?/my family member?) but when given the chance to have a sick day from work sans parler...what DID I ACTUALLY do? Did I make the most of my opportunities? Did I overcome?!

1) Watched TV. Let me clear something up for all of you. In case you sit at your desk/in class/wherever the hell you work and think 'Gosh. My life is so lame. I wish I was at home watching TV RIGHT now. I bet you there's so much good stuff on!'...you're wrong. There is nothing good on TV during the day while you'er away from home. You're not missing anything. I mean, I TRIED to watch an episode of Tyra and got three minutes into it before I started shaking and crying for no apparent reason. I attempted to tape some random stand up routines off of HBO-C (that's C for comedy, duh!...though I guess it could stand for 'crap' too) and that was no dice. There was no 'What Not To Wear' on. No episodes of 'Snapped' to watch. No episodes of 'Made' or 'True Life' or ANYTHING!

Dear Monday-Friday-9-5 TV,
You are lame and I hate you. Thanks for NOTHING (read: not entertaining me when I was home sick).

You're a whore,
Becky


2) Read. Yes...I am in a bit of a reading kick right now. I guess it's good if you like the whole 'intellectual' approach to life. Right now I'm reading this book called 'Not Me' that my Aunt Jane gave me for Chrismukkah. Oh you want to know what it's about? I would tell you but then I'd have to kill you! Just kidding, hehe. I'm just too laz

3) Napped. Wow. So I went to bed hella early-z on Sunday night (was the sun still out when I went to bed? It's possible) and then slept til 7. I woke up, decided not to go to work, watched some of 'The Today Show' (ok, so there was this couple on 'The Today Show' whose children were kidnapped 20 years ago by the wife's father. And then, after a show about the kidnapping aired on TV, someone reported seeing the kids and their grandfather got turned in. But now they're in hiding and don't know if they want to even MEET their parents. Can you imagine? You suddenly find out your children are alive after twenty years only now they might not want to meet you? SLAP-IN-DA-FACEz), read for about twenty minutes and then napped for two hours. Being awake makes me really tired, I guess.

4) WALKED to the STORE. If you remember correctly, this encompasses two things on the previous list: walking and shopping. To be fair though, I didn't buy any clothes or DVDs or knives...or anything I didn't need. I just bought lemons and tea and honey and some soup.



5) Killed a bitch. Look, she tried to take my soup. I had JUST bought it...I was really left with no other alternative.


6) Injected some heroin. OH, just kidding! That was someone on 'Intervention'. And then she fell asleep. With the needle in her leg. Can you believe it? You know the show 'Kids say the Darndest Things?'. What if they made a show, hosted by someone like...ME, called 'Drug Addicts do the Darndest Things?'. I would watch. Well, mainly to see myself because I'd be hosting but you say tomato, I say tuh-mah-toe..etc.

7) Ate some cookies. Yes, I actually bought cookie dough at the store even though a) I'm pretty sure chocolate is bad for you if you're sick and c) I didn't need to be eating cookies. I only ate 4. OK 5. I only ate 5.

8) Did I say that I watched someone inject heroin?