Last moments of Freedom

Well...the iron hammer is about to come down.

Is that a saying?

It might be. It probably isn't. Anyway...I'm at work...listening to some music (mostly Death Cab For Cutie since I'm 13 / going to a concert of theirs in a couple of months)...enjoying a bit of solitude before my next proposal comes in and before my new office mate comes in?

New office mate? Yeah. So, I started this job just about two months ago. Originally, I was set up in a small, windowless office by my lonesome. It was right across the hall from the kitchen. Sometimes people here eat fish. You get the picture. I was told, though, that I would be out of that office in no time and would be moved into a group office with three other people.
Well, flash forward to someone leaving, and someone else coming into the department, and Newt Gingrich winning South Carolina (unrelated but really? Newt? He's not for us) and now the fourth spot in the group office is being taken by someone else and I've moved into this two-person office. I think it's good. It is smaller than the group office, but there will be half as many people so that makes sense. AND...it has a window!

Check it:

HA! JK JK JK JK.

This is the real deal:

Anyway, while I enjoy this last bit of freedom, before I'm three feet from a stranger for the rest of my working days, I thought it might be nice to blog. Remember I used to do that sometimes?

It's just hard, you know? At any given time, I think I can only handle a few personal improvement goals. Right now, I'm trying to shop less. And I'm trying to be healthier in terms of my eating (we're just going to forget last weekend, ok? It's stricken from the record. Wait...why did I even bother mentioning it here? ACK!). And I'm trying to go the gym. And I'm trying to not curse as much (eh kind of. I might not really be doing that...). And I'm trying to complain less. And I'm trying to do well at work. And I'm trying to check in with my friends and family and be there for them. And then, there's the blogging. And the sketchbook I'm working on as part of this:

http://www.arthousecoop.com/projects/sketchbookproject

I mean, how can I do all of those things at once, you know? I can either blog a lot but curse like a sailor and totally dis my mom, or I can go to the gym and work on my sketchbook but totally be MIA on blogger and let down all of you. There's no pleasing everyone. But then again, one of my new years goals for 2012 is to worry less about other people so I guess fuck you? Shit. I mean,

I'm not cursing *runs on treadmill but does a bad job at work*.

Well...in other news...I think I'm doing OK on the 'trying to not spend money' front. For example, tonight I have the opportunity to go to a MOTH story slam

http://themoth.org/

Well, 'opportunity' sounds funny since it's a public event and anyone can go...but it costs $8 and it's right around dinner time so I know if I go I'll end up spending money on random food and probably binge eating when I get home (see above for information about fitness goals). But instead of doing that, I'm going to go to this really ghetto grocery store and buy some groceries for the week and probably glue (to sniff? WHACK. to work on my sketchbook? YEA-UH!).

It'll be really exciting. I'll probably buy: cheese, random lunch meat, celery and olives. But I have the whole subway ride to become more creative than just those staples so who knows what I'll REALLY end up with.

GUEST BLOGGER: Things I Learned on Maternity Leave

So this is the lovely woman who made the usual blogger in this spot an auntie.

Hi!

So today is my first day back at work after being on maternity leave for 3 months. The boys are at day care, and I am sitting in my office for the first time in a long time. There is so much to do, I am kind of overwhelmed. But then the blogger suggested I blog for her. Woo hoo! On the job for an hour and already wasting time. Sweet. OK, here goes.

Things I learned on Maternity Leave

1. Wardrobes are overrated. The original writer of this blog might disagree with me, but I wore the same 2 shirts, alternating days while the other was in the wash, for about 2 solid months. Not only that, but more often than not, there was spit up and all sorts of good stuff all over me. I would say it didn’t bother me (which it wouldn’t) but to be honest I didn’t even notice.

2. You need brain cells to read. And I’m not talking War and Peace. It took me two months to read one New Yorker magazine, and two weeks of that I was stuck on one page. The words wouldn’t sink in, even when I had the spare half hour to read.

BUT

3. You don’t need brain cells to read online. I stayed up on all my celebrity gossip during the past three months. What? Demi and Ashton are getting divorced? What? Katy and Russell are getting divorced? Wait, what? Sinead O’Connor got married? And divorced? In the same month? Yes. While I was on maternity leave.

4. Teen Mom 2 is an excellent educational tool. Many a time I told my boys, “You see that? You see how that girl keeps going back with that guy who treats her like garbage? You see how that girl spends more time on her hair than with her child? That is what we call bad decision making. Do NOT act like that. We’ll work on better decision making techniques as you get older.”

5. Having an advanced degree isn’t worth anything. Because all I do is talk about babies. And baby bowel movements. And baby clothes. And baby feeding habits. Ideas? Concepts? Enlightenment? I have forgotten most of the nouns I once knew, but I have many synonyms for the cloth I use to wipe the boys’ mouths.

6. I don’t like working. I mean, if I have to work, then my job is pretty awesome. But I can’t wait to be retired. Our mom sucks at being retired; she's always doing stuff. I want to just chillax until I feel like moving. I know what you are thinking (or what I am thinking)--this is just a reaction to being back at work and being away from the boys. Maybe I just want to be with them all day, like Donna Reed. But no, I don’t want to be a stay at home mom; I want free time that is mine. I want to take classes and walk in the park and do other chill old lady things.

There were many other lessons, but since I learned #5, I also learned #7: people get really bored when all you do is talk about babies.

So, PEACE OUT!

Things I do when I'm drunk

Sometimes I drink a lot. Other times I drink too much. Other times I just have a few sips. In conclusion, I'm always drinking. I mean, what? No. No. That's not where I was going with this.

Anyway...

I drank a lot in college and did some silly things.

After I graduated and didn't have the same access to alcohol (read: my friends didn't live in the same apartment building as I did), and had to wake up early every day for work and bla bla. Excuses excuses. Point is, after my birthday blow out of a couple of years ago, where I walked around and told everyone I was single with no date to my OWN party and asked my friends to have 'meaningful conversations' with me, I sort of took my drinking down a notch. I learned how to get a nice buzz on, where I felt good, but didn't feel the urge to text everyone in my phone book, and didn't feel like dying the next day / didn't feel the urge to leave the country.

Enter SantaCon 2011 (it's an annual bar crawl in New York...and probably other places?...and participants dress up as Santa / in Santa-themed things...) where I was drunk by 4:00 pm, drunk texting like a fiend and was in bed by 9:30. And I threw up? I mean, no I didn't. To be fair, I didn't drink THAT much....just four beers at that one bar...uh...

I blame it on my tolerance being low. I blame it on the rain. I blame it on you? Anyway...the day after SantaCon when I thought about the previous days festivities I couldn't help but notice that my old drunk triggers had been in full force - but why? And what?

Things I do when I'm drunk

1) I tell everyone I'm drunk. For some reason, being drunk always seems to sneak up on me and catch me by surprise. I find it so surprising that I want to tell everyone. 'Can you believe I'm drunk right now? By the way, did I tell you I'm drunk? I'm drunk!'

2) I spill. Didn't do that on SantaCon but there's a reason that I favor clear drinks like vodka tonics and gin tonics when I'm hittin' hard alcohol.

3) I stumble. I bruise like a peach anyway, so being drunk / killing my liver so it's more likely that I bruise / stumbling into things makes for a good combo.

4) I text. I don't know what it is about being drunk...but if you're in my phone book there's a 1/10 chance that you're gonna get a text from me at some point if I'm wasted. If I haven't texted you yet, don't feel bad. I might have been hanging out with you. I don't drunk text people I'm actually with.

5) I get tired. The more drunk I am, the earlier I'm going to be in bed.

6) Take shots. Not a good idea. Not when I was 20. Not when I'm 26.

7) CREEP on the internet. I mean, no. That's gross.

Anyway, Happy 2012 EVERYONE! HOPE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE (if your dreams include sending piles of gold to my apartment. thanks!)