Andrea visited over the weekend and told me that urbanoutfitters.com was having a sale with FREE shipping. I just went shopping Saturday AND Sunday...and I got a new dress, and a sweater vest thingy and like 54 pairs of earrings (give or take a few)...I was a second away from adopting a cat in union square...but Jamie and Shane are only out of town for a week...so that wouldn't really work long term. I digress.
So Andrea told me about FREE shipping at Urban Outfitters. AND she detailed a sweater (drapy, open, cardigan-y type sweater with short sleeves) that was less than $20 that I'd like. WOW. I was excited to log onto the website this morning (at work...because why would I waste my precious time at home online shopping???) and put some items in my shopping cart.
First I decided I want these shoes
And then these (these lace up your leg---cool!!!)
And then this earring holder
I was chatting with Rebecca (who doesn't read this blog and therefore won't notice that I'm calling her out...YOU. GOT. SERVED. BIATCH!) and told her about the sale...we were pumped to buy our superfluous new items until...
...we realized that...
...FREE SHIPPING WAS ONLY FOR ORDERS OF $75 or MORE. WHAT?!
The website was set up like:
How was I supposed to know? That got Rebecca and I to thinking: What is actually FREE anymore? A guy buys you a drink and he expects you to make out with him in public (if he's cute this isn't a bad thing). Buy one item, get one free...but wait...you have to buy one item first. FREE shipping...if you buy some our shiz, first. FREE ice cream...but you have to print out a coupon (ink isn't free, ok??? and neither is paper).
I have a bit of a pet peeve that seems to be coming up more and more...
What's this pet peeve, you ask? (p.s. if your pet peeve is people asking rhetorical questions you should probably just navigate away from this page)
People thinking they know me. Look. I do repeat myself a lot. I know I do repeat myself. And I say the same things over and over again. Fine. Aren't you special? You noticed something really obvious. Why don't you go outside and remark on the weather and then give yourself a pat on the back?
Look, none of you know me THAT well. You might know me pretty well...but you don't know me THAT well. I don't know what 'THAT' means but the capital letters make me feel important.
Today, I signed into youtube (you might have noticed that a previous entry in here had not one but TWO videos...where do you think I got those SOBs?), and I noticed this:
(Double click on the picture to make it bigger)
OK YOUTUBE. WHAT THE F.
On one hand I am mad that you're presuming to know what I like...I am AN ONION. I have layers! I'm more complex than all of that.
On the other hand, I'm embarassed that you're so dead on. #1 suggestion: Hello Kitty cartoon?!?! My heart started racing because I was SO excited when I saw that!
#3 suggestion: That Michael Buble song I hear on the radio and secretly love!
#7 suggestion: Some video named after an alcohol drink?! swoon swoon swoon
#8 suggestion: A song about a topical issue by a band that I mildly like...wow. Get outside of my head please.
In conclusion, I guess I can remain neutral about this whole experience. There were highs. There were lows. Now if you could please excuse me while I go to watch that Hello Kitty cartoon...
I was talking to Debbie today. I know, shocking! (Debbie says that sometimes...'shocking!'...usually when I tell her something like it's surprising and it's actually not....so basically every time I talk to Debbie she tells me what I'm telling her is 'shocking!'). She's been un poquito stressed and not feeling 100% so she's cut caffeine out of her diet.
First of all
Second of all, wait what? You completely cut caffeine out of your diet? That sounds so so so horrible. Why don't you just jump off the Queens Bridge while you're at it?!?! I mean...wait. WAIT WAIT WAIT! DEBBIE! COME BACK! I WAS TOTALLY KIDDING!!
Ugh. I am on an 'awkward joke' streak right now. My serious statements get laughs and my jokes get question marks. Does that ever happen to you? Why are you laughing? UGH. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME! *slams door to bedroom and puts on Justin Bieber CD on repeat*
Debbie cutting out one of her addictions got me to thinking...what are MY addictions? Then I started thinking about my facebook pet, and my facebook farm, and if H&M was having any sales...and I decided this would be a fun blog to post.
Things I'm addicted to:
1) CRACK. Not crack as in the drug...gross. I mean butt cracks. I just can't get enough of them! (this is a joke...if you didn't get it right away I want you to know that it's not YOU it's definitely ME)
2) Elegance. Did you know that money can't buy you class? And that elegance is learned? JK JK JK. Money can buy you class. Also, I'm just shamelessly quoting the HIT single by LuAnn DeLesseps of 'The Real Housewives of New York City'. This song might be the worst thing I've ever heard in my life...
3) 'The Real Housewives of New York City'. Maybe 'addicted' is too strong of a word but...I do get the shakes when I haven't watched the current week's episode and I do talk about it a lot AND think about it a lot AND I am marrying a 'Count' so I can be just like LuAnn (read: classy) when I grow up.
4) Pet Society. C8lin--where you at, girl?! I spend a lot of time in general focusing on my facebook pet. I have blogged about her...and I'm sure most of you (except my FAN---hi, again!) have talked to me about her or at the very least had me talk AT you about her... Anyway, I am addicted to her. I love playing with her. I love dressing her. I love redecorating her house that is 10x nicer than the hovel of an apartment I live in (though at least the fire alarm is working...). I just LOVE her. Even if she is fake. Even if her Kate thinks her mouth looks like a moustache (F U). I am addicted to her, for sure.
5) The Simple Plan song 'Addicted'. I'm not really...but I thought it would be funny to say that. Is it ironic if you're addicted to a song titled 'Addicted'? Is it ironic if you don't really know how to use irony but you try over and over and over again?
6) Farmville! Now let's not get ahead of ourselves here...I'm not my MOM or anything... But, I am pretty into my facebook farm. In fact I made this someecard just yesterday to commemorate how I feel about farmville:
I just don't get outside enough when I'm at work...and I just don't feel a huge sense of accomplishment at my job...and I just...really like it, OK? I am addicted to farmville (but interestingly enough, not on the weekends when I'm not stuck at a desk all day...hmmm)
7) Shopping. I really do have a shopping problem. I can, at any time of year, regardless of the last time I was shopping, determine an article of clothing or accessory that I want. (The conversation in my head goes something like 'OH! A dress with blue flowers on it! I know I just got a dress with purple flowers on it yesterday but this has BLUE flowers...and I can dress it differently. I was talking to Kate last night as I perused the racks at H&M. She said that most people, when they're upset, turn to alcohol...but that I, when I'm upset, turn to shopping. I laughed...though, to be fair, I did have a beer when I got home, too. I just needed some type of instant gratification and my apartment was really far away.
(Yes, I do try to use canvas bags)
8) Talking. I talk a lot. If I don't talk for a while I get fidgety...I wonder 'Am I still here if I'm not talking?'...especially if it's dark and I can't even SEE myself.
9) Tootsie rolls. This is more of an 'Out of sight, out of mind' addiction. If tootsie rolls don't cross my path, I probably won't cross theirs. But, if I happen to see a bag of tootsie rolls on sale at Rite Aid or Stop & Shop...and I'm even 1% hungry I will buy them...and once I start eating them I can't really stop. MMM The vanilla ones are good, too.
10) Cheez-Its. Can I just be lazy and say 'ditto' to the tootsie roll statements I made? Well, almost all of the tootsie roll statements...vanilla cheez its would be nasty x 10
I'm going to continue this in another entry because this is already too long.
...but since I set a precedent by saying hi to Fred (remember him? are you guys goldfish? goldfishes? whatever)...
I will now say 'hi' to Katelyn who...I will say...SHAMELESSLY hinted that she wanted a shout-out in my blog that has, probably, double-digit amounts of readers. DOUBLE-DIGITS everyone. Anywhere from 10-99 people could be reading this and seeing Katelyn ______'s name in bold and green (her favorite color)
Katelyn ______ Katelyn______
(some might call her Sk8lyn so I will put that, too)
Thanks for reading!
<3 Beck E.
P.S. I am not doing this anymore so don't bother asking :)
I just saw the following post on my facebook wall:
'This needs to be said: Dear Becky, I love your blog. I am addicted and demand more posts.
Ok I am done :)'
Wow! That is SO nice! Who is that from you might be asking? It is from none other than Fred ____ (like I'd compromise his safety by posting his last name in here...please. I'd only do that to myself...wait what?) my good friend Katelyn ______'s boyfriend.
Fred, I seriously had NO idea you were reading this blog! It makes me happy that a) you are and b) you are liking and c) you are publicly PRAISING me!
I regret saying I won't feed your fat, I mean 'BIG BONED', cat now.
Dear Friends / Family Members/ Fan (s potentially), I want to thank you for all of your support. A comment here (why not three, though? you guys are so lazy) and a comment there (just one comment? c'mon! help a sister out!)...A gchat detailing your favorite parts of each entry...wow! I am so lucky and I want you to know that I appreciate it.
We've shared seasons together...first winter, then spring, then summer, then fall...then another winter. UGH. Winter is the worst isn't it? It's so dark all the time and f-ing cold...but then f-ing hot when you get inside. How is a girl supposed to look fresh under those conditions?! HOW?!
We've also shared memories. Not YOUR memories. If I cared about those I would a) ask you b) ask someone else (I'm a girl after all...we're not always the best at direct communication...*starts crying*...) c) read YOUR blog d) I don't think there's actually another option here but I already typed the 'd)' and I don't really want to go back and press 'backspace' (yeah it's 'backspace on this computer...isn't that weird?)
So what's the point of this?, you might be asking yourself. I'll tell you what the point is. Seriously I will. Just wait one second...Just hold on...hold on...
I was on the subway this morning and a homeless woman (look, I'm not being judgmental here, ok? She SAID she was homeless) got on and started 'the shpeel'. You know what I'm talking about, New Yorkers.
'Hi my name is ___ ___. Because of circumstances beyond my control, I have become homeless. I ask that you donate whatever you can...'
etc. etc. I don't want to trivialize the shpeel because I do feel badly if this woman was telling the truth. Contrary to my CT upbringing and my usual level of snobbery, I do have a heart and I feel badly if she is homeless and has to ask people for money on the subway to get by. I mean...that sucks.
What surprised me though, and the reason I'm writing this letter, is the end of the ____ ____'s shpeel. She ended it with 'Have a safe day'.
'Oh ok, thanks mom!' I said. But then I realized something...this woman wasn't my mom! Who tells you to 'be safe' or 'have a safe day' besides your mom? That's just not normal. Does ___ ___ anticipate that I'm going to run into some kind of danger? Is she psychic?! That's awesome! I kind of want to get an in depth reading sometime soon. Wait a second...if SHE going to hurt me?
And that's where I left off. I could think of no other conclusion than the fact that this woman, ___ ___, is going to off me at some point today. Sure I'm young, but I've lived a lot in my 24 years.
Again, I want to reiterate my gratitude and leave you with this quote:
Recently I took a trip below the Mason-Dixon line to Birmingham, Alabama.
Yes that's right, ALABAMA. ME. I WENT THERE!
Before I left the city people were very confused about why I would...well...leave the city.
'Wait Birmingham? Is that in England? You're going to England for the weekend?'
'No'
'I don't understand...'
'I'm going to Birmingham, ALABAMA for the weekend'
'Ohhhhh'
'Yeah'
'Why?'
'To visit my friend Ashlee from college'
'Why?'
'I hate you'
I will say, having been back a little over a week now, that I was pleasantly surprised by what 'the dirty south' had to offer me. I expected fried food and accents...but I actually got a whole lot more than that.
Things I liked about Birmingham, Alabama
1) Smiles. Hey New Yorkers, do you remember smiling? Remember how you used to do it before you moved here? Yeah, I do too. You know what though? People STILL smile. That's right! RIGHT NOW. SOMEONE IS SMILING! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! CAN. YOU. BELIEVE. IT. ?!?! In Birmingham lots of people smiled. Some of these smiles were at me. Some of them were at other people. All of them were non-ironic and wonderful.
2) Waffle House. There is a chain in the south called Waffle House. In Birmingham there are approximately 13294839493248938 of these chains...give or take 1 or 2. For my first meal of the weekend Ashlee and I ate there...oh my god. I got a biscuit and gravy + a waffle + bacon + coffee for somewhere along the lines of $.1. Seriously. So cheap. So good.
3) Drivable. The city of Birmingham is VERY drivable. Now don't get me wrong. The NYC subway with its smell of urine and overcrowded cars and random delays is awesome...but there's something special about being in a car and being able to look outside while you're going from point A to point B. Add in congestion-free roads and readily available parking spots and you're basically in heaven traveling around 'The Pittsburgh of the South'.
4) Botanical Gardens. Ashlee and I hit up the Botanical gardens on Sunday afternoon. OH. EM. GEEZ. YO. These gardens were so pretty! Flowers everywhere in perfect blooms! Symmetrical bushes and floral arrangements (you know I LOVE symmetry, don't you?)...and it was free to get in. Yes, Free!
5) Cheap Beer. Though, to be fair, this is one of my favorite things about pretty much EVERY place besides NYC and DC.
6) Ashlee's cat. Well it was more of a love hate relationship. Sometimes Sabina tried to bite my feet. Other times she purred and sat on my lap...and then tried to bite my feet. I never knew where I stood with her but perhaps the intrigue is what kept me coming back for more?
7) Ashlee's apartment. IT WAS SO CUTE! Except...ahem...no pictures of me on the wall. I don't ask for much....diamonds, rubies...the occasional gold coin. Is it so much to ask for a picture of me to be on the wall??
8) ASHLEE! NUMERO OCHO! Don't be offended that you're only at number 8 on the list. I was going to put you higher...and actually...just make this entry completely about you but a) I don't think you read my blog and b) I didn't want other people (read: my new fan) to be jealous.
9) Fried food. Basically everything is fried in Birmingham. Here's a list of fried food that I ate while I was down there: fried green tomatos (AH!), fried okra (eh!), chicken fried steak (what?!), fried chicken sandwich (...)...and that was in two days. Imagine if I lived there? I'd be one of those people that can't leave their house because they won't fit through the doorway.
(pictured: some chick with fried green tomatos...hehe)
Do I need to say anything else? Book your tickets to Birmingham, Alabama ASAP. You can probably stay with Ashlee...but I should tell you that because of her crazy cat you should probably bring extra pairs of socks to protect your feet.
I JUST posted a new blog entry (see below) that I started writing almost two weeks ago. Because I started writing that entry on April 20th it looks like I posted it on April 20th (that's the date it keeps in the blogger system or something)...but I didn't. I just posted it.
What is your takeaway from that little share-fest we just had?
Uh huh. Oh interesting...that's not what I was intending at all. Seriously? WOW. I should be more careful about my word choice.
Now let me tell you what your takeaway SHOULD have been:
I am not blogging enough! MY GOSH! Let me explain what's been happening and what I've been doing in lieu of you...oh gross. I mean in lieu of this. haha. Talk about a Freudian slip...anyway...
1) WARM WEATHER. HOORAY! YIPPEE!! It has been mostly warm lately...with a few nights of cold-@$$ wind and some days of rain...
But let's not focus on that. Let's focus on the sun. Let's focus on the sandals. Let's focus on the sunglasses. Let's focus on the people watching I am able to do because I'm wearing big sunglasses.
2) Weekend trips! HUZZAH! I am so popular! So so so so popular! Like, if I were in 7th grade right now, I'd be wearing 15 friendship necklaces AND 20ish friendship bracelets (I lose track after 15...hence the 'ish').
I recently went to Birmingham, AL to visit Ashleekins. I had never been the south before...it was really exciting. Actually...why don't I blog at a later time about that? Yes. I will do that. I also recently drove 'upstate' for Giuliana's bridal shower. I just can't stay put! Oh and have I mentioned that I'm going to Israel soon?
3) Work. HAHAHAHAHAHA. jkjkjk
4) TV. Yes. Lots and lots of TV. First there have been new episodes of 'How I Met Your Mother', 'The Office', 'The Real Housewives of New York City' and 'Glee' (which I'm not really keeping up with...though I did watch the Madonna episode...AWESOME!). Then there have been season finale episodes of ''The Millionaire Matchmaker' and 'Project Runway'. I won't lie and say that I've even attempted to make a dent in season 2 of 'Lost' but...it has been on my mind. Seriously. Literally (jk...that's not possible! haha! I totally fooled you though! Yes I did! YES. I. DID. !!!!)
5) Drinking. Oh I've had some crunk juice lately, sure. Sometimes it's out of a flask. Sometimes it's out of a bottle. Sometimes it's out of a can. Point is: it's there. Point is: it could be preventing me from blogging...though...it's not. I usually get crunk at night. I usually blog during the day. You figure it out!
6) Having fun. Oh yes. Let me not forget...I've been having FUN lately! I've been doing some of this and some of that. I've been out late. I've been to bed early. I've basically done everything you can possibly IMAGINE doing (yes, EVERYTHING) and I've had a blast doing it. I might be exaggerating. I might not be.
7) EATING. I HAVE BEEN EATING SO MUCH LATELY! Like fried tomatoes and okra and steak when I was in Alabama. Like organic burgers and tacos and arepas and sandwiches and ice cream and fro yo (not the same thing as ice cream)...and m&ms. God. I almost forgot the m&ms!
In conclusion, It's not you...it's me. Stay sweet.
(these lace up your leg---cool!!!)
How was I supposed to know? That got Rebecca and I to thinking: What is actually FREE anymore? A guy buys you a drink and he expects you to make out with him in public (if he's cute this isn't a bad thing). Buy one item, get one free...but wait...you have to buy one item first. FREE shipping...if you buy some our shiz, first. FREE ice cream...but you have to print out a coupon (ink isn't free, ok??? and neither is paper).
