Things that are wrong with my car

HIIIIII.

I want you to know that people who I don't know, are actually reading this. Someone left a comment last week on an entry from about a month ago...and I have NO idea who that person is. Some of you might be creeped out at such an occurrence.

'Ew! Who is that?' you'd ask yourselves if this was your blog and you were me.

I, however, am a glory hog...so if someone, who I don't even know, who isn't obligated to be nice to me because of the awkwardness that could ensue in person if they WEREN'T nice to me, is saying they dig my blog...I am happy about it. HOORAY! A FAN! A FAN! I HAVE A FAN!

Though the question that still needs to be answered is...if this person is such a fan of mine, how come they didn't respond to my job posting for a slave? Actually...how come none of you responded to that job offer?

I hate all of you.

ALL.
OF.
YOU.

Except my new fan. I like you! Keep on reading! While you're at it...can you post some suggestions for things that I could write about? In case you couldn't tell...I'm drying out. And no, I don't mean reproductively (too soon?).

And so, with my new fan in tow (please don't leave!), I present:

Things that are wrong with my car:

1) Crack in windshield. This happened a few years ago while I was driving on the highway. A rock kicked up and caused a little crack in the front windshield. It's BARELY spread so...I don't really see the point in fixing it. There are more serious things I need to spend my money on...right? I could really use a new pair of sandals. Uh...


2) Scratches on the front bumper. Oh...look. Some of these are probably my fault. I have a hard time with depth perception. But...NOT all of them are my bad!

3) Scratches on the rear bumper. Red (the color of my car), blue (the color of the biggest scratch), and yellow (I think I ran into a pole in a parking lot...can't be sure, though) = the colors of my rear bumper / the colors of the Ecuadorian flag (hi soulmatey!) / the colors of the Colombian flag / I'm too lazy to keep doing this.

4) Dirty. I don't know if this is something 'wrong' per se...but it's something that displeases me. The floor mats of my car have dirt on them (apparently I went off-roading and forgot)...the side interior of the car has scratches all up in it (hey, do you any of you remember me chauffeuring an eagle / any animal with talons, around?)...and let's not forget the liquid spill stains all over the... EVERYTHING. Sometimes when I have some extra change I buy cases of diet coke, pull the tabs (I'm talking cans, not bottles...a case of diet coke bottles?! do you think I'm rich?!) and shlosh those b***es around like there ain't no tomorrow. Then I wake up and instantly regret my decision-making skills.

5) Car visor mirror that falls off. I think that's what it's called...'Visor mirror'. You know the mirror you can pull down in the front of the car to check yo teethz, or fix yo selfz...? Well that thing falls off. I still have the visor and the mirror...but when I push it into place it'll stay put for a good half hour or so and then come toppling down. This is dangerous when you're driving. Though...checking yo teethz and yo hairz while driving is ALSO dangerous...hmmm

6) Missing hub cap. Oh yeah....that.


7) Light says that the door is always open. I got into an accident when I was 17 and something with a wire or something technical is now messed up and can't really be fixed. So, it just always registers that a door is open in my car...even when it's not. BARF BARF BARF. I don't know why I started this entry. This was a horrible idea.

Yuka Sato: Explained

In case any of you are curious, this is a picture of Yuka Sato:


According to Wikipedia, this is apparently why she deserves to be on STARS. ON. ICE. !!!!: Yuka Sato is a Japanese figure skater. She is the 1994 World Champion, the 1990 World Junior Champion and the 1993 & 1994 Japanese national champion. She placed 7th at the 1992 Winter Olympics and 5th at the 1994 Winter Olympics.


Who knew?

She also currently coaches Jeremy Abbott who is the reigning US National Champion.

Who woulda thought?

STARS. ON. ICE.

Hello. It's Tuesday, again. You know what that means? We're well on our way to another weekend...which will eventually end...leading us to another Monday and eventually Tuesday...where we'll start counting down the days until another weekend...which will eventually end...leading us to another Monday and another Tuesday...where we'll start counting the days until another weekend etc. etc.

And the seasons, they go round and round. And the painted ponies go up and down...we're captive on a carousel of time.

Anyone?

I hope you all had nice weekends. Not NICER weekends than the nice weekend I had, though. That wouldn't be nice at all! If you had a NICER weekend than me I'd just be sitting around thinking about all the MORE fun you had than me.



That being said, I did something very fun this weekend. I went to see STARS. ON. ICE with Debbie. If you recall, I used to / still am a big fan of Michelle Kwan (RIP...where are you, girl?!) and in my prime (read: around the age of 11 or 12) I was all up in ice-skating world. I knew who was who. I knew the latest jumps. I knew who had placed in the US Championships and in the World Championships. I knew who the Olympic hopefuls were and what their latest costumes looked like. And I was really cool, too.

Now, I'm still really cool, but not so much 'in the know' as I used to be. I don't know all the skaters are, anymore. I don't know who can do a quad jump. I don't know who can do ANYTHING! But, I still really like ice skating.

That being said (notice that I did that twice? GOTCHA!), I did watch the Olympics this year...and I did love Evan Lysacek and Johnny Weir...and so did Debbie...and how many more ellipses can I have in one little paragraph...and so I decided that for Debbie's birthday (which is tomorrow-HEY HEY!) we would go see STARS. ON. ICE. together

I was pumped and Debbie was, too. We gchatted about it. We talked about it. We texted about it. We were ready to go. Little did we know how AWESOME our night would be.

Things I liked about Stars On Ice:

1) The name. It just SOUNDS funny, doesn't it? STARS. ON. ICE. !!! I like stars, and I like ice...actually...no I don't. I hate ice. I am afraid of slipping on it. Well, I do like 'stars' anyway...is this making sense at all?

2) Debbie! Debbie's pretty cool. And pretty. And cool. We have fun when we hang out together. Therefore, I was glad to be able to spend some quality time with her at STARS. ON. ICE.

3) Laughing. From 6:00-10:30 pm on Saturday night, I probably laughed as much as I did from Monday-Saturday at 6:00 pm combined. I love laughing! It burns calories. It makes my nostrils flair. It makes me feel better than YOU. I think to myself 'Look at all these people HAHAHAHA not laughing HAHAHAHA I am so much funnier than them HAHAHAHA and I'm having more fun HAHAHAHAH than them which must HAHAH mean that HA I am better HAHAHA'

If you're wondering, yes we did STOP laughing at 10:30 pm. ;)

4) Sparkles. OH MY GODDD. I love shiny things. So much. If you dangled a sparkle on a string from a stick...I might be compelled to chase that stick. And by 'might be compelled' I mean that I would tear you to pieces to get the sparkle from you. Not that I have anger issues or anything....uh

Anyway, the skaters were wearing a lot of sparkly things. Sparkly dresses. Sparkly pants. Sparkly shirts. It was awesome!

5) Music. Mostly in an ironic way...I think. I still don't exactly know how to use 'ironic' correctly...is that ironic? Someone performed to Elton John...someone else performed to Barbara Streisand...and let's not forget Evan Lysacek's 2 second performance to Michael Jackson's 'Man In The Mirror'. Wow Evan. Thank you SO much for gracing us with your presence! Actually, can you get off the ice now? I really want to see Yuka Sato perform again (WHO is she?)

6) The crowd. WOW. This kind of relates to 'laughing'...There were old people. There were more old people. There were 12 year olds who REALLY liked screeching. There were babies (weird to bring a baby to something like that, right?) There were families. And then there was me and Debbie (read: hot, young babes). We didn't exactly fit in...

7) The ice skating. Oh sure, it wasn't all laughing and music and sparkles. There was some darn tootin' ice skating going on on Saturday night. There were triple axles (I think...Scott Hamilton wasn't there to tell us what was what) and some toe loops sprinkled in. There were jazz hands. There were HUGE grins. I enjoyed it.

8) Dinner. MMM. Debbie got us a delicious Italian sub from this sandwich place in Astoria. we HOUSED it for din-din as if we had never eaten before. I could kind of go for one of those now. HM...anyone feel like getting me one? I could probably make it worth your while ;)

9) Crafts. I made basically the COOLEST sign ever for the event...mostly for Debbie's amusement...but whatevs. Any opportunity for me to be crafty is a good time in my book (No I'm not really writing a 'book'. Do you have to take everything literally? ugh)


and lastly

10) Celebrities. Did I mention that Yuka Sato was there? (Who?). Also, EVAN LYSACEK and Sasha Cohen (I kind of hate her because at one time she skated against Michelle Kwan...but temporarily...because I didn't know who anyone else really was...I rooted for her) and TODD ELDRIDGE (remember THAT guy? wow. he is almost 40!). I will take every chance I can to meet / see a celebrity in person (even if that chance involves driving to Jerz on Saturday night).

In short, Debbie and I will be returning to STARS. ON. ICE. !!!! in 2011. Who's with us?

(If you don't laugh when you're looking at this picture then you might not have a soul...)

Things I like about waiting

Hello, Friends!

It is a beautiful, Thursday afternoon. Have you all gotten a chance to go outside? I walked to the store during lunch...wow. I had my sunglasses on looking all cute...it was great. Except...when I had to come back inside. It's like...way too hot in here. We can't put the air conditioning on because of some uninteresting fact about my office building. As a result, I am slightly on edge.

(what's weird about this random picture I found on the internet is that I'm wearing the exact same outfit right now...)

And to top it all off, I'm waiting. I'm waiting for a phone call or an e-mail about something VERY important. I can't exactly say what it is...just in case...somehow...someone who I don't want to finds this blog. But, it is really driving me crazy. I try to keep myself busy with gchat or facebook or the news.

'Gosh' I think to myself as I click from facebook page to facebook page.

'It's probably time to go home already! I've done such a great job at distracting myself!'

I look at the clock and three minutes have passed. I go back to clicking and chatting.

'Are you F-ing kidding me? UGH'

So then I go back to chatting again...with about 10 people at once...lots and lots of lines of text. I laugh. I cry. I laugh some more. I cry again (what am I on the rag or something? too much?).

I look back at the clock. It's actually one minute earlier than the last time I looked at the clock. What the...

Things I like about waiting:
1) The intrigue / mystery. OOOHHHHHHH. AAAHHHH. In this particular situation, my thoughts while I'm waiting are something along the lines of: 'This call that I'm waiting for...when is it going to come? Or actually, is it even going to be a call? Or will they e-mail me? Will I hear my phone ring? Will I see my inbox message count go up? What will they say or write? What will I say or write, back?'. The questions could go on for hours! Isn't it great? And that's just situation specific intrigue and mystery. Usually the general waiting question of 'What's going to happen when what I'm waiting for happens?' is enough to keep me happy for a minute...or even, two!

2) Gives me something new to think about. I think about a lot of things like: what to wear today. what to eat right now. what to wear tomorrow. what to eat tomorrow. did I shower today? do I smell bad? Is that a cat? But sometimes I get bored of these mundane thoughts. Sometimes, I want something NEW to think about. Well, when I am waiting for something to happen, it's basically ALL I can think about. Goodbye thoughts about fashion. Goodbye narrative stream about how hot I am (temperature wise...ok). Enter thought sequence from above.

That's it. In conclusion, I hate waiting...so if these people could hurry up and give me the information that I need to know I'd REALLY appreciate it. BYE!

Why Am I Up So Early?

Should all the words in the title of this entry be capitalized? I'm not really sure.

In case you're not very smart or can't actually read, I'm awake right now. Actually, that doesn't make sense. You wouldn't have been able to read that, either. SHOOT. What to do. What to do.

It's 9:13 on a Tuesday. Some of you might be asking yourselves 'Why is Becky complaining, AGAIN, about being awake? She's at work, right?'

FALSE. I have today OFF of work. It's the 8th day of Passover (not for me...I ate PIZZA and GARLIC KNOTS and BEER last night. Well, I didn't eat the beer...I drank it. That would be weird if I had tried to chew it. I think you can probably choke from that...um...) and since I have no plans until this afternoon, I should be sleeping.

And yet, I'm not. WHY IS THAT? Why does my body refuse to let me sleep? Why is my body such a douchebag?

Since I haven't blogged in a little while, and I can't think of anything else to do right now, let me try and work out this phenomenon with all of you. Actually phenomenon, in my mind at least, implies something AWESOME or GOOD. Being awake this early...when I could be...and SHOULD be sleeping...is not AWESOME or GOOD.

Let's muse: Why Am I Up So Early?

1) Sleep is for suckers. I don't believe that on the outside. In fact, I think sleep is the bread of the soul (does that make sense? I can't really tell...being sleep deprived and all. Also, I only woke up two hours ago so...my mind still needs approximately 3 more hours to adjust to daytime). But maybe, deep down, I have beef with sleep and people who do it.


2) It's a beautiful day outside. Oh, I haven't actually looked out of the window or even gotten out of bed,yet...but maybe, I can tell, its going to be a beautiful day. Let's check weather.com...ohhh! High of 74 today. Some isolated thunderstorms MIGHT happen around noon, but other than that...b-e-a-utiful! My body's like 'let's get up and enjoy this weather!' Or is it?

3) I have something important to be doing. Maybe I need to cure cancer this morning. Or maybe I need to run some errands RIGHT NOW. Or maybe I need to be out walking the dog I don't have. Or maybe, I need to be writing a research paper for a class I'm not taking. Or maybe I have to go mail some timely information to someone at the post office. Or maybe...something else that is important.

4) Someone/Something needs my help with something/someone. Someone, SOMEWHERE, might need me! Maybe that's why I woke up! Little old lady tottering on the street corner, do you need an escort? Child who has lost his mommy, you want me to help you look for her? Plant in the livingroom, do you need water? Padma, are you starving again? (yes I wrote 'again'...long story...)

5) It's too hot in here. I have my fan on and I feel OK...but maybe...I actually AM too hot...and that's why I couldn't sleep?

6) Joie de vivre. I don't know if I'm going to a movie tonight but it is technically French movie night at the Alliance Francaise...so in the spirit of that...let me hypothesize that maybe, my joie de vivre, is keeping me awake. Life is just so exciting, isn't it? I saw this plastic bag floating around in the air last night and I thought to myself 'There's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I just want to BURST from it all. It's all so pretty' And then I said to my friend 'Hey take your shirt off. I have big eyebrows and want to videotape you'...wait...what?

7) Bugs. You all know I have a roach (just one...shh...) living in my closet. Well now, I have some weird millipedey type bug wearing my clothes. OK...not exactly WEARING my clothes but...crawling on my CLEAN laundry. How did you get in here? WHO LET YOU IN?! WE HAVE TWO DOORS! Anyway...maybe I woke up because I was thinking about this personal space intruder? EH...prob. not. Out of sight out of mind. GASP! IS THAT IT OVER THERE?! oh no. no...it's fine. That's just a piece of lint. GASP! AH! AH! IS THAT IT...oh...that's my shadow.



In conclusion, I don't know why I'm awake. But, here I am. And if you want to know, it's now 10:37 which means it took me over an hour to write this...ADD...what? who are you?