And even more haikus

I left work around 5:30 yesterday and didn't go to bed til 11 (so late, right?). That's almost 6 hours of waking-ness out of the office! Since I was technically doing a 'day in the life: haikus' feature, I think it's only fair if I continue on and recount my after-work-day yesterday in haiku form.

Debbie and I left
We went to see some art, cool!
Paper cuts are neat



Took the crosstown bus
What a cast of characters
In my life's movie


We had extra time
So of course we got a drink!
Magners Cider Rocks!

Shake Shack, I love you
Your hamburgers are so good
You have changed my life


And Also, Shake Shack
I love your french fries, for realz
A recipe, please?

Playing hard to get
Fine! No recipe for me!
See if I come back

Baby, I'm sorry
I didn't mean what I said
I love you, Shake Shack

Why does nine feel late?
I'm ready for bed. RIGHT. NOW.
I'll read 'Twilight' first


Goodnight Moon, Goodnight
I think I have to pee now
Thanks a lot mint tea!

Good, I feel better
Now I can relax, rest some
BZZZ-is that my phone?



OK really, 'night
No more book, ipod or phone
Get my beauty rest

Haikus continued

Oh shit, I'm stupid
Hours is two syllables
Andrew is right, duh

but Latez is just one
So, ha! I can 'kind of' count
'Kind of', not 'really'

Now, that being said
I can't really talk right now
Too much "busy" work

I will post later
Some great haikus and pictures
Can you wait for it?

In love with presidents...or something...

To sum up current events: Valentines Shmalentines Day, I normally say. And what's a President, anyway? I usually ask.

But today isn't just any other day, like those holidays . Today is Tuesday, February 17th for Chrissakes! Doesn't that mean anything to you? Me either.

Since today is February 17th, 2009 (a day that will never be repeated...isn't that morbid?), and since I have no other ideas but I haven't blogged for a while, and since Kate suggested this topic I present to you:

A day in the life of Becky: Haikus

Waking up is hard
Shower today? Tomorrow?
Why am I dirty?

What clothes should I wear?
A dress, or possibly pants?
I could go naked


Taking the subway
Who are all of these people?
Reading 'twilight'-yay!


Where are my glittens?
Oh right, I don't own any
A girl can have dreams

Eating my breakfast
Cereal bar and an orange
Coffee would be nice

Facebook stalking now
Look at those pics, those wall posts
I am a big creep


Is it lunch time yet?
Another half hour or more
I might eat myself

What to blog about?
Kate suggests doing haikus
Five-Seven-Five, right?


"Someone just called me?"
I don't know you, weird lady
But now I hate you

Wanting to nap now
Can I crawl under my desk?
No one has to know


Deb came and said 'hi'
We joked, and wasted some time
Now it's four o'clock!

Let's haiku all day
I suggested in G-Chat
This is what Kate said:

"That would be so hard
That's what she said! I went there
Ten minutes, one line


I was mad impressed
Had Kate been hiding her skillz?
Here's what I wrote back:

Kate the english whiz
Becky can barely speak good
Haikus are funny

Now back to my job
Pretend I've been hard at work
Maybe I have been?


Coding checks is lame
Why can't a robot do this?
Oh wait, is that me?


Bye everyone, latez'
It's been fun, messing around
Let's get drinks sometime

On behalf of the academy...

...my family, friends, G-d (yes you big guy! well, you might not be a guy. In fact, you're not really human at all so why would I call you 'he' or 'she'? Why limit what you are, G-d? You can be anything that you want to be! But, why even limit you to a 'thing' actually. Aren't things human constructs too? This is exhausting), the internet, my job (that allows me time to blog whilst working), MIKEY (because he bought me this web domain! Remember? I told you that in the last blog entry? Do you guys even pay attention to anything I write in here? Check the previous entry, gosh. And don't bother reading unless you're going to COMMIT, ok?!), and other...things I can't remember right now, I'd like to say 'thank you for this legit web address'

It seems like just yesterday that I started this blog. I was a young kid then, with little more than pennies and a paper clip in my pocket and a head full of dreams.


'I have a dream' I said, the day I started this blog. 'I have a dream that one day there will be a blog. A blog full of random thoughts and tangents that will stretch on for many lines. A blog with funny pictures and even funnier ideas. A blog that's inspired, and at the same time kind of boring unless you're the one who wrote it. A blog that's colorful, but also black. And I want, above all, this blog to make people happy. And by 'people' I mean myself. I want this blog to make me happy'

And so I began. The first few entries were too long and lacked pictures. The entries after that were also too long, but HAD pictures. Some things worked ( 'things that grind my gears' for example) and other things didn't ('things I like about leprechauns' anyone?) but I trudged on. I saw my blog for what it could be, for the potential it had.

Slowly, you all caught on. First it was Debbie and Erin who would comment to me, saying they had LOVED my blog and that it was the funniest thing they'd ever read. Next it was Kate and Josh, asking me how I'd hidden my talents all these years? Then it was complete strangers who waited outside my apartment with banners saying things like 'BECKY'S BLOG is the BEST BLOG EVER'.

Finally, it was a segment on 'The Today Show' where Matt Lauer interviewed and asked me how I got to be so frickin' sweet (I didn't know he talked like that either. It was totally crazy). Holding a lollipop in my hand, wearing a flowered bonnet and a prairie dress, smiling from ear-to-ear I answered in the words of Will.I.Am 'I got it from my momma, Matt'.

I installed google analytics to track how many of you were actually reading this blog. Surprisingly, the numbers began to climb. First 10 people a day, then 20, and sometimes even 30 or 40! WOW! My ego inflated with this new found success. I started buying mink coats, drinking crystall (and not the creepy Colombian Cristal by accident, the legit, P.Diddy champagne-y Crystall), sleeping from noon til' 8 every day, and speaking with a British accent. Was I funny enough to pull off being snobby?

And slowly, I realized I was. And that I also wasn't. You know how these things work. One day you're a quirky hit, and the next day you're a bitchy leper who no one wants to touch. And I just want to be touched!

That being said, I calmed down a little and things progressed until a few days ago when my blog, as you know, became official. And for that, I am truly grateful *lights up a long, Cruell Deville type cigarette*.

Oh, I hear that awful music cutting me off and some guy is in my ear telling me to wrap this up...or is it 'rap'?...so I will. Again, thank you so much to my friends and family and to Jesus and to G-d and to Mohammed and the lady who got off the subway this morning and left me her seat, oh and to Buddha (my bad, Buddha!), and Mikey, and the lady who gave me a massage the other day (that 7 minutes has really made all the difference), and my cats, and the people who work at Dunkin' Donuts and always give me 5 or 6 munchkins when I only ask for/pay f or 3, and to the Academy.

DOT.COMS are not dead. They're just beginning! viva le beckysaysthat.com ! ole

Things I got for FREE yesterday

You might be thinking to yourself:

'Wait a second. Could Becky have gotten MORE free things yesterday? Would Becky have gotten MORE free things yesterday? HOW did Becky get more free things yesterday? Isn't Becky filling up her quota of free things by now? Other people want free things too! I hate that Becky girl. I don't know if it's the way she smiles when she doesn't know what's going on. Or if it's the way she makes jokes that people don't get. Or if it's the way that sometimes she matches TOO much (quilted jacket, purse and shoes all at once...). Or if it's the way that she just keeps getting free things. God, I wish I got free things. Are you there God, it's me Margaret? Yeah, Margaret. No. M-A-R-G-A-R-E-T. Yeah, right. I'm 5'5". Uh huh. OK. I can't believe God put me on hold'

But yes, it's true. I received ANOTHER free thing yesterday! AND, for good measure, it involves this very blog. My friend Mikey (who use to be my boss at my awesome internship senior year of college) bought me my own web address!

You might be wondering how that could be. I mean I already have a web address, but has a lame .blogspot.com address. NOW, thanks to mikey, I OWN: beckysaysthat.com. I'm a '.com'. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! And people said that .com's were dead.

PUH-LEAZ!

Thanks Mikey! <3

Things I got for FREE today

The Jew in me is screaming!

Not because it's Shabbat.

Not because it's Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur (The Days of 'Awe' as we like to call them).

Not because there are free tickets to a Matisyahu concert.


Not because Adam Sandler just put ANOTHER version of the Hanukkah song (what are we up to? 22? 23?).

Not because Woody Allen stopped by my office, and not even because OF my office.

Not because I just ate a good bagel, or even because I just made a whole list of Jewish stereotypes.

No, the Jew in me is screaming because I got A LOT OF FREE stuff today!

Free! If there's anything better than getting something for free please tell me. I'd like to know. I feel like I deserve to be enlightened. Oh and I feel like I should clarify. By 'something for free' I don't mean cat calls that you get in the street (because you get called at for FREE), or fliers that are left in your wind shield when you park your car somewhere (that's not FREE, that's trash), or gum that gets stuck on the bottom of your shoe (that's GROSS). By 'getting something for free' I mean getting something (a noun) , in a non-shady way (no sex, please!), for NO cost to you. Preferably, this 'thing' would be something that you would normally HAVE TO pay for.

So, things I got for free (that I wanted, in a non-shady, non-gross, awesome way):

1) Massage! A five minute massage, or was it SIX minute massage, at my work's wellness fair. SWEET!

2) Orange Juice AND an orange. Oh yeah, FREE orange juice AND a FREE orange...also at the wellness fair!


3) Toothpaste! Well, I'm nowhere near to being out of toothpaste but a small travel-sized tube never hurt anyone.

4) Half of a tuna melt sandwich! OK, so this is a little shady...but my boss didn't want the rest of the her delicious tuna melt and offered it to me so, duh, I accepted! A FREE lunch! And, the sandwich came with fries. MMM
5) A little green stress-ball-y guy. This is hard to explain, but it was FREE, and I love it. Something to note: I also got this at the wellness fair! Can we have these every week? Or better yet, every hour of every day?!

I think that's it. What a great list. I know you must all be really jealous so, just to be safe, I'll be locking of all these valuables up in a safe and hiring someone to watch over it for me. Oh, and incase YOU apply for that position, I won't hire you. No one who reads this blog can guard my possessions.

(random)
:)

Things you can do without talking pt. 2

So, I talked to some of my loyal readers and it seems like there's a REAL interest out there as to what I actually DID without talking yesterday. I mean, sure there's the hypothetical list of what I am ABLE to do without talking (cure cancer, save a child from drowning, end poverty-I know I didn't mention any of these but I thought they were implied...why are you so stupid?/slow?/my friend?/my family member?) but when given the chance to have a sick day from work sans parler...what DID I ACTUALLY do? Did I make the most of my opportunities? Did I overcome?!

1) Watched TV. Let me clear something up for all of you. In case you sit at your desk/in class/wherever the hell you work and think 'Gosh. My life is so lame. I wish I was at home watching TV RIGHT now. I bet you there's so much good stuff on!'...you're wrong. There is nothing good on TV during the day while you'er away from home. You're not missing anything. I mean, I TRIED to watch an episode of Tyra and got three minutes into it before I started shaking and crying for no apparent reason. I attempted to tape some random stand up routines off of HBO-C (that's C for comedy, duh!...though I guess it could stand for 'crap' too) and that was no dice. There was no 'What Not To Wear' on. No episodes of 'Snapped' to watch. No episodes of 'Made' or 'True Life' or ANYTHING!

Dear Monday-Friday-9-5 TV,
You are lame and I hate you. Thanks for NOTHING (read: not entertaining me when I was home sick).

You're a whore,
Becky


2) Read. Yes...I am in a bit of a reading kick right now. I guess it's good if you like the whole 'intellectual' approach to life. Right now I'm reading this book called 'Not Me' that my Aunt Jane gave me for Chrismukkah. Oh you want to know what it's about? I would tell you but then I'd have to kill you! Just kidding, hehe. I'm just too laz

3) Napped. Wow. So I went to bed hella early-z on Sunday night (was the sun still out when I went to bed? It's possible) and then slept til 7. I woke up, decided not to go to work, watched some of 'The Today Show' (ok, so there was this couple on 'The Today Show' whose children were kidnapped 20 years ago by the wife's father. And then, after a show about the kidnapping aired on TV, someone reported seeing the kids and their grandfather got turned in. But now they're in hiding and don't know if they want to even MEET their parents. Can you imagine? You suddenly find out your children are alive after twenty years only now they might not want to meet you? SLAP-IN-DA-FACEz), read for about twenty minutes and then napped for two hours. Being awake makes me really tired, I guess.

4) WALKED to the STORE. If you remember correctly, this encompasses two things on the previous list: walking and shopping. To be fair though, I didn't buy any clothes or DVDs or knives...or anything I didn't need. I just bought lemons and tea and honey and some soup.



5) Killed a bitch. Look, she tried to take my soup. I had JUST bought it...I was really left with no other alternative.


6) Injected some heroin. OH, just kidding! That was someone on 'Intervention'. And then she fell asleep. With the needle in her leg. Can you believe it? You know the show 'Kids say the Darndest Things?'. What if they made a show, hosted by someone like...ME, called 'Drug Addicts do the Darndest Things?'. I would watch. Well, mainly to see myself because I'd be hosting but you say tomato, I say tuh-mah-toe..etc.

7) Ate some cookies. Yes, I actually bought cookie dough at the store even though a) I'm pretty sure chocolate is bad for you if you're sick and c) I didn't need to be eating cookies. I only ate 4. OK 5. I only ate 5.

8) Did I say that I watched someone inject heroin?