TRASH TRAIN - all aboard?

I went to school in DC. If you're not American, or well-traveled, or didn't go to college with me, then you might not know that DC, which is also the capital of the United States of America, has a public transportation system. I purposely didn't use an adjective in describing the DC public transportation system because a) what is an adjective? and b) I'm not sure how I feel about it.

The DC Metro

Pros:

1) Called 'The Metro', just like in Paris. Le swoon
2) Lines are named after colors = easy to follow, and pretty!
3) Tells you exactly when it's coming (which...they do on SOME subway lines now, but, they've been taking the guesswork out of commuting in DC for way longer than in NYC)
4) Clean = No skittles on the metro or else some woman, who is around your mother's age, will sass you and say 'You know, I don't care, but you can get fined for eating on the metro you know. If I were you I'd put that away', and then make you feel like you're 10, and getting in trouble.

Cons:

1) Doesn't run after midnight on weekdays, or after 2 on weekends. What if you want to stay out until 2:15?
2) See above about not eating. YUCKY. I am hungry all the time but in particular I get cravings for foodz when I'm moving. So, you expect me to be on a moving object, after a day of work, or a day of class, or a night at the bars, and NOT want to eat? Luda.
3) SLOW. It takes forever to get everywhere. FOREVER. EVERYWHERE.
4) Well, actually...not everywhere because the metro doesn't go many places.

That being said, as I've noted, The New York City subway is not free of sins. In fact, it has many bad qualities. It talks about itself all the time. It ALWAYS takes the first sip of a fresh can of soda. AND, there are rats. And, service is being cut and it's a billion dollars and blabbity blah.

But, none of these offenses hold a candle (that is a saying, right? 'hold a candle to'...hmmm) to the trash train. YES. THE TRASH TRAIN.

I learned all about the trash train when I went to the Transit Museum a couple of years ago with Kristyn...and then with Debbie & Co. (All the cool kids go twice). It's a train, that , well, picks up trash from the different subway stations.

Here's what it looks like:

Now, us New Yorkers (are any of you questioning the fact that I just called myself a 'New Yorker'? I am, too. I think it takes 10 years for you to be an actual, legit, knows all the good restaurants and bars, New Yorker...), are impatient. There's a way we wait for the subway to come. We look down the tunnel to see if there are lights coming. We wait to hear a 'click' on the third rail, signaling that a close-by train is on the rail. We look around for signs that might indicate when the next train is coming. And then, we listen for a 'A ___ bound train is approaching ____ station' announcement. Then we repeat these actions until the train we're waiting for has come.

And because we're also good at multi-tasking, we do all of these things while listening to our ipods, and reading our books, and playing games on our phones, and talking to our friends, and napping while standing up.

With recent service cuts (despite raised prices...did I mention that already? I don't care), it's sometimes necessary to repeat the 'waiting for the train' procedures 5 or 7 or even 10 times before your train pulls into the station.

Now, my train, the R, shares tracks in Manhattan with the N and Q trains. So, sometimes you wait for the train to come, and see one coming, and get excited, only to see and then realize that the train pulling into the station is not your train.

It can be heart-breaking. But, in a situation like that, it's best to man up and realize that while you are not on your way home / to work / out / whatever it is that people do besides those three things I just mentioned, other people are and you should be happy for them, or at least try not to hate them too much.

But what about when, hypothetically, it's Wednesday, March 23, and it's 11ish, and you're on your way home from Brooklyn? What if you hope that you can make your train before it stops running at 11 pm ( WOMPING WILLOW ), so even though you're on a train that can get you into Queens (or wherever it is that you're trying to go since this is all hypothetical), but is a 20 minute walk from your apartment, you get off that train, and wait for your train, only to realize that it's not running because you were a few minutes too late, so you really SHOULDN'T have gotten off the train you were on before.

So you woman up and wait for the next wrong train, knowing that it will be about 20 minutes, so you now have to a) wait 20 minutes to b) take a train that's a 20 minute walk from your apartment so you can c) walk that 20 minutes even though it's d) a work night and b ) around 11:30.

And finally, after some time, you see a train come into the tunnel. You see the lights glowing up ahead. You hear the click of that third rail. You feel a promise about to be made. You feel a breeze start to stir...

And then, a nasty butt train, with TRASH all up in it, rolls in, and sits in the station, making the wait for the train you don't really want to take but have to take even longer.

What about then huh? Wouldn't you be offended sharing air-space, underground, where air is precious with a train full of trash from the subways, which, has to be dirtier than regular house trash or work trash?

Yeah. You probably would. And now you know what it's like having a trash train surprise you late at night when all you want is to be home in your bed in your leopard print pajama pants that you got from Bob's Sportings Good Stores (all hypothetical still) in 9th grade.

~~~~~~

Dear Trash Train,
You are GROSS. And I don't have anything more to to say to you, except this: I hate you and wish you were dead or that you were instead a vacuum hose that could be extended from the street into the stations and suck up all the trash sitting in the garbage containers. Because then, you wouldn't be taking up my time by cruising along on my train's / the train I need to take now because my train isn't running 's tracks.

Sincerely,
Beck E.

Another live blog

Well, I got some work to do but then...I did it...and then my boss shut her door (presumably because she is in a meeting with someone)...so now I'm back to the blog. It feels so good to LAUGH AGAIN! 'Arrested Development' anyone?

8) I play scrabble on my phone (ADD ME IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY! I can promise that it will be a boost to your ego because I lose about 2/3 of the Scrabble games I play on my phone. You have a 2/3 chance of winning against me..those are good odds. If those were lottery odds wouldn't you play?).

And actually, I get to go home now. ON TIME. so this is donezo. BYE!

Another live blog

6) And then I chat with people. Well, not just 'people'. Like, people I know...duh! Because, if they weren't people I knew, then how would I even have them in my chat list? And I ask them questions like 'hey, what's going on?' and 'oh, so what'd you end up eating for lunch?' or 'when do you want to hang out?'. And then, it's the weirdest thing, because they all go idle or put their little red circles up to indicate that they're busy. Timing...must be timing. And then I send them smileys, and roses, and I mean, it really does take up a fair amount of time doing all this. So, if you're ever bored at work, I suggest gchat. It's spelled just like that in case you haven't heard of it.

*If you read the previous entry, or have an eye for detail, you'll see that I didn't space the previous entries in this list. But all of those entries were short, and without a space, it was readable. However, that last thing I wrote, about gchat (duh winning) was long, and would be overwhelming if placed right next to the next entry on this list so...I am adding a space. SHOVE IT.*

7) And then I make creature pictures of me, and people I'm chatting with. JK. I don't ALWAYS do that...but I did do that today. I started watching this show on Animal Planet called 'Must Love Cats' (anyone else? first of all, if you don't, you should. second of all, it has adorable cats, weird people, and a cute host, so, you should. third of all, I totally call dibs on the cute host, so you shouldn't) which led me to the Animal Planet website today. Which led me to the 'games' section of that website...and to the 'CREATURIFY' game. WHAT?

Yeah. You can take a picture of yourself and creaturify it...into like, a werewolf or zombie...and, the results are pretty clutch

Photo snapped today at work (by me...I don't have a paparazzi)



And, my creation:



Really awesome, isn't it? You should all make one.
I made one for Jamie, too...that could probably be a '8)'th item on this list, but, eh. And now I think I actually have to do something. So much for laying low...

A live blog

I've live blogged before. I believe it was two years ago...actually...almost three! My, how the time flies! The blog entries came on a day when I was stuck at my old office (BOO! HISS! *throws stone*), unable to attend a work event, that I had actually helped to plan. Awkward, no? So, I decided that instead of, I don't know, taking initiative and furthering my career, or doing anything of use to anyone, that I would watch 'Doogie Howser' and blog as I watched.

I think people read them? And if people read a blog entry of mine, I assume that means they're not throwing up (hard to read something and throw up at the same time, isn't it? Wait...have you really tried that cuz I'm totally kidding. ew. ) which means that it's good quality. Yeah I took a few leaps in formulating that hypothesis. I was never good at science (see - previous entry where I talk about wanting to be a nurse so I could wear scrubs but then also talk about how I am bad at science so couldn't ever be a nurse). In conclusion, I think those live blogs were good stuff.

And, wait...did I also live blog during election day in 2008? if I didn't, I talked about it with Debbie enough for it to FEEL like I did. Feelings are important. But not real. And don't ever forget that. Wait, no. I think they ARE real. UGH

So, today I will live blog for the last couple hours of work. I mean, not that I'm at work. I'm pretending to be at work. No. Wait. I am at work but I'm just pretending to work. This gets worse and worse, doesn't it? - that's what she said.

I've been lying low on the radar. Apparently, my boss is in gchat, and read my gchat status which says 'lying low on the radar - shhh', and is taking my wishes into consideration. VERY. SWEET. !!

So what do I do with myself when I am at work but not working. I mean, I'm working. Ha. Ha. Well, I do lots of things.

1) I facebook stalk people.

2) I online shop (sometimes for myself, and other times, for others)

3) I blog (OHHHH it all comes full circle, doesn't it?)

4) I log into my mom's netflix streaming and see what movies are available to stream instantly, and then write those movies on a post-it note (take that, paper!) (oh wait, the opposite of that. why didn't I just make a note in my phone? womps) and then share that post-it note with my friend who I'm going to watch a movie with tonight. So many choices!

5) and then I post my first live-blog entry, to keep the crowds at ease. Nothing like a rowdy crowd to make this complicated.

Things about the hospital

I started off this Monday morning with a little bit of online shopping. I have a fair amount of dresses (did you know that 'amount' only has one 'm' in it? true story) that are a BIT too short for work, so am looking for a simple tank dress, probably black, to wear under these dresses. Doing so would create a cool layered look, and also create a cool religious girl look. Cool girl. Religious girl. Say it with me now!

But then I decided / realized, that online shopping is probably something I don't need to do right now. I have this thing where I spend money as if I have lots of it. It's awkward for everyone involved. Especially the people I complain to about not having money. They're like 'Yeah, it's tough budgeting. BTW, I like your new Jimmy Choos and pearls. '

So then I decided / realized, that I should blog. Has it been over a week since my last entry? Probably. That seems like something I would do.

Well, it was a busy week. My mom and brother were in the hospital...hospital party and you're not invited?

I don't normally go to hospitals, or happen upon them...and until last Tuesday I didn't even know what a hospital was! That being said, spending time in one gets you to thinking.

Things about hospitals

1) They are very clean. WHOA. Who ever scrubs those floors and washes those walls (Cinderella?) does a really good job.

2) They have a random assortment of artwork. Well, at least the Yale New Haven hospital does. There are boats (So Connecticut-y it's not even funny), and autumn scenes, and...yeah. In terms of wall hangings, I hope that one day my apartment can be as full as the hospital.

3) They have candy - just about everywhere. SIGN ME UP. Oh wait. No. I don't mean that. But, it's never too early in the morning for a Werther's Original. Am I right?

4) They have unhealthy food in the cafeteria (I'm not including 'candy' in this category because a piece of candy is like, practically no calories). Does that surprise anyone? I mean...I just think of hospitals as healthy places...places where people come to be well. I don't associate fried chicken with eating well, and yet it was on prominent display in the cafeteria of Yale. And, what about all the cookies? And all the junk food available in the nourishment rooms? CON. FUS. ING. !!!.

5) Doctors are good looking. And, also, DOCTORS. I mean, a good looking person, is like, eh, whatever. I mean, I live in New York so people that are put together are a dime a dozen, here. If you look beneath the surface of these Adoni (the plural of Adonys? anyone?), you find that most of them live in apartments with 10 other people and are 'kind of in between gigs' right now, and you know, have emotional issues that prevent them from functioning like adults. Doctors though, they have REAL jobs, and show up to places on TIME, and like, save peoples lives!...and if in addition to those nice, dependable attributes they're good-looking, well, sign me up!

6) SCRUBS. I am jealous of all health care professionals in hospitals who get to wear scrubs all the time. Wearing scrubs to work would be like a dream for me. So, while I was waiting around, I contemplated becoming a nurse. Yes, a nurse. Because women can't be doctors, duh!

But, I am not good with 'the sciences' as I call them. And, I don't like touching other people who I don't know who I am not dating. And, I can be awkward, and have a tendency to walk into things (read: IVs...whoops!). And, did I mention that I don't like touching people I don't have crushes on? So, like...it probably wouldn't work out. Which leads me to another line of thinking...what other job can I have where wearing scrubs to work is OK? If you think of anything, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know! Garbageman doesn't count.

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

HAPPY SUNDAY!

I am sitting in my pajamas, drinking abuelita hot chocolate, and ignoring the fact that it's raining outside. Luckily, I'm uploading pictures from my recent FL vacation on facebook. Also luckily, I received the following submission for my advice column:

Dear Becky (if that's your real name):

I have a friend visiting from out of town next week. She has come to visit a few times before, and we have conquered all the usual touristy stuff. I want to show her a good time, and I know that you are really into doing stuff, so do you have suggestions for us?

Sincerely,

Jaded New Yorker

Dear Jaded New Yorker,
First of all, good call on giving your self an alias. Everyone else who's written is has left their names blank, allowing me to somewhat embarrass them by making up silly names. Actually, they probably weren't embarrassed...damnit. Anyway...Thanks for writing in. Blah Blahbity.

I sometimes do things, and sometimes I don't. But, I do live in New York City, and when I do things, they're usually there. That being said, I think I should be able to help you with this situation. First of all, it's a good thing you've already done all the touristy things...because...touristy things usually involve lines, and waiting, and that's not a recipe for fun. And you probably want to have fun when your friend is here. That being said, I think you live in Astoria so why not do some fun Astoria/Queens things?


How about The Museum of the Moving Image? (I believe there's free admission on Friday nights) Or a trip to the Beer Garden? What about a night at Sweet Afton for some tasty beers and mac and cheese? And, if you're feeling really adventurous, I heard good things about The Queens Museum. There's a lot to be said for the Chinese food scene in Flushing, and let's not forget Sripraphai...our favorite Thai place out in Woodside.

There's also tons of stuff to do in Brooklyn (barf). You could do a bar crawl in Williamsburg (though, if you're feeling cranky or on edge, the hipsters might be too much for you to handle) or hit up the Brooklyn Brewery.

If you want to actually go into Manhattan, There's our old standby Shake Shack, in multiple locations. One of my coworker's also has good things to say about a Masonic Temple downtown that offers free tours at least on weekend mornings...not sure about weekdays. While you're in 'the city', why not go for some cheap margaritas at Blockheads and do some shopping by Herald Square?

I hope some of these tips are helpful! If not, go fly a kite! YEAH! THAT'S RIGHT! I SAID IT!

Thanks for writing in,
Becky

I want to be a good writer...

...I mean a 'well' writer. UGH. What's that rule?

I took out a book from The Queens Library two months ago. Actually...two and a half months ago. I do that, from time to time...take out books from the library. You should, too. It's like shopping without spending any money (read: HEAVEN!).

The books were the following: 'God Bless You Dr. Kevorkian' and 'Look At The Birdie'. I started reading 'Look At The Birdie' right away and...liked it...but forgot about it. It was around Christmastime, and I had presents, and naps, and cookies, and wearing sweatpants on my mind...so it's not surprising that I let the book go.

$12.75 later (whoops) I realized the books were long overdue...so...I did what any sensible, responsible, and some other word ending in 'ible' adult would do, and renewed the books and put off paying the fine indefinitely. Well, not indefinitely. I'm sure I'll get around to paying it sometime. I definitely will indefinitely.

But then I didn't read them until this morning, and even then I didn't read both of them. That would be really hard, or maybe even IMPOSSIBLE. The thing is, I meant to, but I started reading 'The Girl Who Played With Fire' (OMGPARTY, have any of you read this series? goodstuffeatery.com) and then I was on ~*~* vacation ~*~*.

But then I cracked open 'God Bless You Dr. Kevorkian' and let me say...it was worth the $12.75 and the two months wait because, WOW, THIS BOOK IS GREAT!

Kurt Vonnegut is my personal hero. Or he was. Well, actually, he's not around anymore, but my love is current, so I think I can say that he IS, present tense, my personal hero.

His way with words gets me really excited (simmer down) and I find that though we never met, and he really had nothing to do with me, he speaks my truth. As I stood reading the intro to 'God Bless You Dr. Kevorkian' and laughing, and feverishly turning pages, I stumbled upon the following paragraph on marriage:

'...I know what women want. they want a whole lot of ppl to talk to. what do they want to talk about? they want to talk about everything. What do men want? They want a lot of pals, and they wish people wouldn't get so mad at them.

Why are so many people getting divorced today? It's because most of us don't have extended families anymore. It used to be that when a man and a woman got married, the bride got a lot more people to talk to about everything. The groom got a lot more pals to tell dumb jokes to.

A few Americans, but very few, still have extended families. The Navajos. The Kennedys.

But most of us, if we get married nowadays, are just one more person for the other person.

The groom gets one more pal, but it's a woman. The woman gets one more person to talk to about everything, but it's a man. When a couple has an argument, they may think it's about money or power or sex, or how to raise the kids, or whatever. What they're really saying to each other, though, without realizing it, is this: 'you are not enough people!'

Isn't that just kind of perfect? And isn't it just kind of true? I thought to myself 'I wonder what I should have for breakfast today?' and then I thought to myself 'I would love to write like Kurt Vonnegut'.

I talked to Kate about this, and she told me that Kurt Vonnegut fashioned a list of 8 rules for writers. Since I was at work, and actually busy, I decided it would be a good idea to look up this list of writing rules from my personal guru / the guy I want to be like (is that what 'guru' means?):

1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
4. Every sentence must do one of two things—reveal character or advance the action.
5. Start as close to the end as possible.
6. Be a sadist. No matter sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them—in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

Let's think about these rules for a little bit. Do I follow any of them? Am I a good writer? Let's see, as far as #1 goes I waste all of your time. Whoops! I do think, however, that I am the 'character' in this blog, and I am endearing and likable (my mom told me so), so for #2 YES! YOU CAN ROOT FOR ME!

WATCH ME WIN!

#3 is affirmative, because I want things all the time. I write entries about my covetous desires. #4 my sentences do those things, I think...I reveal a lot with my words, I'm sure, and you know, each word you read is after the last word you read so...cool. #5, ha ha ha...nope. NOT A CHANCE. #6, Some shiz does happen to me...so...ok. #7, I write to please myself, so there you go. And #8...I offer information as I write...as the blog entries go along...I could be better but I could be worse. I'm no Hitler!

In conclusion, nothing but I like Kurt Vonnegut and you should read some of his things. If I know you for realzies, I am happy to lend you something. If I know you over the internetz, go to the library and take some books out! LIBRARIES!