Assumptions I make about people

Hey Everyone!

Is it hot enough out there for you? WOOF. I say we all stop hanging out, sweat at home in private, and meet up again in September when it's not so gross out and we all look decent again and cane take pictures without shuddering at poofy hair and shiny skin.

So, summer is in mid-swing which means I've been out of town / had guests nearly every weekend since June 1, have been drinking outside (not out of a paper bag...thankyouverymuch), am progressively wearing less and less clothing to work, have a bit of a tan, and probably smell like a wet blanket all of the time if not at LEAST some of the time.

Because it's summer, people from work are dropping like flies (read: are leaving their jobs to go back to grad school in the fall). One of these people, is my friend Hillary. Hillary is leaving work to go to Law School and like...make a billion dollars and have 10 houses in the tri-state area.

As we sat at lunch one day last week, we talked about assumptions people make about others based on their careers of choice. For example, if I told you I was an administrative assistant you might think that I am good at making copies AND that I'm young AND that I'm lazy because wo wants to be an admin. asst., right? JK...I'm not lazy? Or, if I told you I was a garbageman you might think that I like to get dirty and am good with my hands (OH HEY!). If I told you I was from Queens you might think I like to wear sweatpants out to dance clubs with full make up on.

Interesting isn't it? As I sat and mused about my assumptions about others, I got to thinking: ASSUMPTIONZ, I MAKE 'DEM.

Assumptions I make about people:

1) If you like 'Harry Potter', I will like you. Considering that MILLIONS UPON MILLIONS (if not billions upon billions yet...could look this fact up but am obvi too lazy) of people read HP, and I don't like millions upon millions of people...this can't really be true. If you're a wizarding fan, in general, it's probably true that I can easily make small talk with you at a party, PBR in hand. But, that we'll be BFF because you know the difference between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff? EH. I don't think so.

2) If you live in Astoria, I will like you. Yeah...this really doesn't make any sense since most of the people who walk around A-town are guido-esque douche bags but...if you were like 'Oh! You live in Astoria, Becky? I have a friend who lives there' my receptors will definitely start beeping and my first thought and question to you will be 'Oh really? Do you think they want to be my friend?'. Creep

3) If you work in finance, I hate you. Hillary and I talked about this at our lunch. When you meet someone who works in finance don't you assume they're cut someone to get to the top? Or that they're just...obnoxious and not fun to talk to? Or that they will do anything to make a buck? Yeah, me too. We might not be right though...like...take Ames, from 'The Bachelorette' as an example. He's a portfolio manager and seems like a GREAT guy. Also, my roommate, works at a finance place and she is super nice. So...

4) If you did study abroad in Australia, all you did was party down there. That might ACTUALLY be true...

5) If you live in Brooklyn, I don't like you / you are annoying. This might actually be true as well (jk jk jk jk Brooklyn friends...je vous aime?)

6) If you were in chorus in high school, you're just like me. You might not be...you might be? In which case, sucks for both of us. GET IT?! GET IT?!

7) If you're a teacher, you're a good person. Well, my parents were teachers and so were all their friends. And while they were all crazy in their own ways...they (mostly) had good intentions and were what you would call 'good people' - they tried to help other people, they were patient, they woke up every day and did the best they could to make a difference in peoples lives. tear tear tear. Anyway, now, whenever I meet teachers, or people that are involved professionally in education, I assume that they're good people with good intentions. I mean, so far this is true...but...who's to say it always will be? There are prob teachers out there who steal seats from old ladies on the subway, and drop chip bags in Central Park, and hit babies, and jump in puddles just to splash people walking by them (Why are these the only bad things I can think off the top of my head? Good question)...and other non-city related bad things. But...

8) If you read my blog I like you. Actually, that's probably true. KEEP READING!

OK I think I need to break away from this entry for a while since I've been writing it for over a week. More soon?

A revelation

I don't think of myself as HIGHLY predictable...but I do have some things that I do over and over again. Like blog, for example. Or eat cheese. Or watch 'The Bachelor'. Or sleep til 7:15 Monday - Friday.

That being said, there are things I do daily like brush my teeth. And things I do weekly like watch 'The Real Housewives of New York City'. And things I do monthly like pay my student loans (except for the last 5 months where, you know, I paid them TWICE...how does someone not notice that?). And then things I do yearly like...open presents on Christmas (YESSSSSS).

Apart from those regular activities, there are some things that I frequently do infrequently. Huh? One of those things is see what celebrities I look like via the internet.

Now, from time to time, I have people tell me that I look like Drew Barrymore...which...is kind of nice since she's a Cover Girl and famous actress and all...but I don't necessarily think is true. However, whenever this happens it gets me curious...because...do I really look like her? How can I know?!?!

Now, see the above paragraph where I mentioned that every so often I like to do a celebrity face match up and see what the internet has to offer me. Well, 'every so often' happened yesterday, and boy was I surprised with the results.

You might remember that a few years ago I did a celebrity face-matcher, when I had short hair, and was surprised to find that I got put next to Enrique Iglesias. I'm pretty sure that they asked if I was a man or a woman before I uploaded my picture to the site but...anyway. I was pretty amused by the results, but then...the more I looked at the picture of us, side by side, the more I realized that...huh...we did have similarly shaped eyes and a mole to the left of our noses.

Well, yesterday, again (is the definition of insanity doing the same thing multiple times and expecting different results? It is, right? EESH), I uploaded a picture of me to facedouble.com and...

First, I got Tina Fey...which...like...we DO have the same haircut but...we don't really look alike

(I realize this is kind of an absurd photo comparison as I'm shrouded in shadow and Tina is lit up...but...apart from our similar hair...we don't really look alike. Not to mention the fact that, though I LOVE HER, WHICH I DO, she always seems to smile with her mouth closed while I only smile with my mouth open. Just sayin')

And next, the real ringer, I got


WHAT? First of all, I don't look like Dakota Fanning. And second of all, I certainly don't look like A CHILD VERSION of Dakota Fanning. WHAT?! She is 10 in that picture and grinning like a tard. Do I look like that in the picture on the left? Is there something I'm not picking up on? As I said to those around me, don't we assume that celebrities you're going to be matched with are similar in age to you? Like...even if I did look like Dakota Fanning...the fact that she's 10 in that picture would mean I can't be matched with her because I'm 25?

Suffice it to say, I shared many laughs yesterday over this topic because...my life is really full and this is what I have to laugh about?...it just seemed so ridiculous to me.

I talked to Kate on the phone last night, and after discussing the picture (I'm not kidding you when I say that I talked about this all day), and my previous comparison to Enrique Iglesias...she shrieked and said 'OH MY GOSH! You look like Enrique Iglesias and Dakota Fanning's love child'

OH MY GOD. I do, don't I? This explains why I like Latin music so much...I'm half Latina! (too soon?).

In other news, Kate was so tickled by my results on facedouble.com (I swear I'm not working for them on the side) that she did her own upload and


In conclusion, this site has to be a joke right?

Things that make me feel unattractive

HAPPY POST FOURTH OF JULY EVERYONE!

I think of the Fourth of July as the official start of summer now...you know...since I'm not out of 'school' or anything right now and besides a weekend spent celebrating, outside, in warm weather, I have no other indicator that anything is changing in the big world we live in. It could be snowing right now...or September...or the year 2024. I have no idea.

In other news, how was everyone's Fourth? Mine was just LOVELY. I spent it, for the second time in a row, in good 'ol Tunkhannock, PA (a real place, believe it or not...complete with TWO pizza places right across the street from each other. YUP. That really happened) with Rebecca, Carly, Christine, Meghan, Sue...and many, varied, and unusual peeps from the Emmaus/Bethlehem/Allentown, PA area. There was swimming, and dancing, and a Bruce Springsteen power hour. There were jello shots. There was a double layer cookie cake. There were brats and let's not forget the night cheese (which we all ate as if we'd never eaten cheese before...).

Part of the festivities included what I like to call an 'Americana Fashion show' meaning that everyone a) brings jean shorts b) wears them c) if they have bandannas, they wear those too or d) America-themed bling or if you're me e) brings jean short overalls (OH YES)...and then we all parade around Carly's backyard and take pictures and make her other friends who are not participating feel uncomfortable.

But, as I walked around in my joveralls, trying to hide my paunch, and wonder why the straps were so long?, I thought 'um I think I look really bad in these'. Even though everyone complimented me on my new digs I could tell they were really complimenting the IDEA of joveralls as a comedic stand in support in American...but no one could have thought they actually looked good.

Things that me feel unattractive

1) Joveralls. Maybe if I'd gone up a size (though they only had the one pair at Salvation Army...) they would have been a bit looser and my paunch wouldn't have looked so overwhelming. But, GOSH. Unattractive!

2) Button down shirts. I just really don't like button down shirts. I don't think they actually look bad on me per se...I have a broad kind of build so a nice, solid, button down shirt highlights my shoulders but...I feel awful in them. I worry about the wrinkles in the back. And I worry about the buttons bursting open at any moment. Because of these worries, I probably make a weird face from thinking negatively as I'm wearing a button down...which means not only does the shirt probably look bad but so does my face. In conclusion: unattractive!

3) Tank tops. I'm kind of getting over this, but because of the bulk of my arms (apparently I hauled wood in a past life?), I always feel a bit uncomfortable wearing tank tops. I wonder if people think 'Wait a second, are that girl's thighs attached to her shoulders? That is really weird'

4) Hats. I look awkward in hats! I know. You must be so surprised right now because I THINK I give off hat-wearing-vibes...but...just like in the movie 'Beauty and The Beast', nothing is ever as it seems.

5) Cap sleeves.

Dear whoever can wear cap sleeves,

You are the exception to the rule.

-Becky

Dear whatever fashion designers design things with cap sleeves,

Really?

-Becky

6) Pimples. I don't normally get pimples or zits or whatever you want to call them. When I do though...It feels like I'm the target dog except instead of being a bulls eye on my eye, there's a bulls eye on my blemish. WOMPFEST.

In conclusion, I don't know if this entry is funny...but it called to me. TALK TO YOU SOON! K BAI!

Things that are shaped like babies

HELLO!

Happy Almost Fourth of July, everyone! Don't you just love holidays? I can taste shower beers and jello shots and potato salad as if they're on my plate right now. I can smell fresh cut grass, and I feel the sun beating down on me, causing me to sweat, and then, subsequently, look around to see if anyone else is sweating because ladies don't sweat do they?

I am heading out of town this weekend for my second, annual, American-Pride-Fest chez Carly in good 'ol Tunkhannock, PA. I am pretty sure I spelled the name of that town right. Yes, it's a real place. GOD. You people should get out more.

Anyway, something that has been coming up recently for me (read: twice in the last week...so what if I exaggerate?) are things that are shaped like babies. What? Yeah.

If you had asked me a couple of weeks ago, 'Oh hey, Becky. What are some things that are shaped like babies?' I would have probably stared at you and then said 'Wait, what? Sorry. I wasn't listening'. And then you would have asked me again, and then I would have said 'Oh, what? Babies? Babies are shaped like babies...' and given you a look like you're stupid.

But apparently, there's a whole market of baby shaped things out there, that are NOT babies. I am constantly impressed and scared by humanity...

Figure A:

Figure B:

Things that are shaped like babies

1) Babies. Look, I can't not include this item even though it seems fairly obvious. OH...though now that I think about it...I'm talking about human babies here and not, like, baby otters or unicorns. I guess I should have been more specific from the beginning. I hope you read this far and are having an 'aha!' moment right now re: this. 'Oh you mean she's not taking about anteater babies and baby humans and baby kittens? Because those things are not shaped similarly. I feel SO RELIEVED'.


2) Gummy candy. HMM. My coworker brought in a bunch of candy that was left over from his son's baby naming last week. Included in the heap-o-candy were sweet-tart-tasting candies that were shaped like legos, blue and pink gumballs, and gummy candy shaped like babies. What? That seems messed up, doesn't it? I mean...I ate them, obviously, because I really like gummy candy...but whereas on a scale of 1-10 I normally enjoy gummy candies at an 11, with this particular batch I was only able to enjoy them at a 7.5. I mean, it's wrong to eat babies, right? Except veal. I think veal is OK (and delicious nom nom)

3) Soap. Sandy sent me a link to a page while we were at work lat week. The page had pictures of random, gruesome type things that are shaped like babies (which, inspired this post to be honest). One of the things shaped like babies was soap. Nothing clean-feeling about that. yucky

4) Candle-stick holders. UM, really? Tea lights are just fine by me thankyouverymuch.

5) Cookie cutters. HMM...this might actually be a great product. I have a Connecticut shaped cookie cutter (anyone remember the cookie - turned - biscuit fiasco of 2009? what up), which, couple with this fetus shaped cookie cutter could create QUITE the party platter.

6) I should just post the link to the page and you can see for yourselves.

In conclusion, I need to go sit in a padded room, listen to my headphones and rock back and forth for a while. HAVE A WONDERFUL HOLIDAY WEEKEND EVERYONE (though...maybe this is a bit premature cuz I think I'm going to have time to blog tomorrow am at work...if you get my drift)

Bonnaroo or Bust

Well, I think I've finally settled back in to the big 'ol apple after 5 days spent travelling to / being at / and coming home from Bonnaroo (for more information on what Bonnaroo even IS click here: http://www.bonnaroo.com/info/information.aspx) It was a little rough at first, you know, staying awake and making it to work on time (EEP!). But, I spent a night in on Friday, catching up on TV and zoning out, and I feel like a million bucks (Canadian) now!

The whole 'Bonnaroo thing' was a step outside of my normal box, (Yes, I live in a box. This might surprise some of you since I seem so free and unstructured and creative. I mean, you're right. But, really, you must not know me that well. I definitely live in a box. A rainbow and glittery box, but a box all the same.) but when my former coworker / friend, Dan, asked me for the fourth time if I wanted to meet up with him and his friends in Tennessee, my resolve was broken and I said 'yes'.


The thing is, I've always wanted to go to a music festival. I've always wanted to be a hippie. And, let's face it, I'm not getting any younger. As it is, I find myself yawning and fantasizing about my bed when it's past 9 on a weeknight, and past 11 on a weekend night. I need a good nap more often than I probably should. So, I figured if Dan was going to go, and I could meet up with him, and I've always wanted to do 'the festival thing', and here was an opportunity to see some bands that I liked (Arcade Fire, Florence & The Machine, Scissor Sisters)...I should do it.

And then I waited....and no one wanted to come with me. Or, sorry, 'no one was able to come with me'...right? :p Somehow, after asking around, I convinced my friend Drea from AU to risk the trip with me. Later on, my coworker, Ben, saw via the interwebs that I was going to Bonnaroo and we decided to carpool together. OK. COOL. I had a group to travel down with, and a group to meet up with. I washed all my tank-tops and gym shorts. I was ready to go...but really, for something like Bonnaroo, can you ever really be ready?

Things about Bonnaroo

1) I didn't realize that by going back 1 time zone, I would actually be traveling back in time to 1966. Actually, to be honest, I didn't even realize I'd be going back a time zone until I saw signs for Birmingham and remembered gaining an hour when I went to visit Ashlee last year. But anyway...joints everywhere, people counting out mushrooms (because even though the website said 'No illegal substances' that was obviously just so the Bonnaroo organizers could have a clear conscience...and say, you know, 'for the record' that they told everyone not to be blazin' up at 9 am), tie-dye, nudity...you name it and it probably went down at Bonnaroo. My mom would have loved it!

2) The food was pretty good. I was a little worried about what would be offered at the food stands, but I partook of some tasty samosas and sweet potato fries and lemonade and soft serve...and let's not forget the magic and wonder of eating beer covered hot dogs at 9 am!

3) IT WAS HOT. OH MY GOSH IT WAS SO HOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. I have this thing where in between seasons I forget about the seasons past. Like, for example, each time I get chapped lips in winter I'm surprised...as if chapped lips are some fluky thing when, in reality, they're something (it's something? there are two lips but I'm talking about the lips as a whole....hmmmm) that I get every winter. Same is true with humidity and hair frizz...

(I know this photo had words over it which is annoying but...it's such a good shot!! tee hee)

Well, I'd forgotten about what it feels like to be disgustingly hot. Tennessee reminded me. WOOF. Sweating through clothes at 9 am, when showers cost $7 and involve waiting in a line, is really not the best. Friends who had gone to Bonnaroo in years past warned me about waking up at 7:30 am because of the heat and sweating, sweating, sweating. It's not that I didn't believe them, I just couldn't tap into what it FELT like to be so uncomfortable and hot. BOW WOW

4) BANDS! WOW! THERE WERE SO MANY BANDS PERFORMING! Highlights for me included The Arcade Fire, Scissor Sisters, Florence and The Machine, Whiz Khalifa, Eminem, !!! (yeah that's a band name...how about it) and...others. However,

5) HIPPIES. This kind of counts under bullet point 1 but ARGHFEST, hippies are really annoying. You know, I used to think that hipsters were the most annoying group of people ever...with their obscure interests and aloofness. But now I'm second-guessing myself. Because hippies, especially hippies from my generation that wear tie-dye and smoke and lay around without actually believing in anything or supporting a cause, are a major wompfest. Maybe I just don't like groups with a 'hip' prefix. HIPsters, HIPpies, HIPpopotamus' (jk. <3 you guys). Anyway, the reason I bring this up in relation to 'BANDS!' is because in some cases, if you weren't all up in a band's personal space, and there were drugged out hippies standing near you, it was a bit hard to hear the music playing.

6) CAMPING. OH YEAH. I slept in a tent...nbd...or rbd? I used port-o-potties and drank water that smelled like sulfur for a few days. I am a bit prissy...um...maybe that's not true. I mean, I can rough it and make the best of situations. But, I do like my amenities...and prefer a daily shower and to straighten my bangs and to put a little eyeliner on before I leave the house. I mean, should those things not come to pass it's not like I'd die but...I'd be unhappy. Remember Honduras?

7) SILENT DANCE PARTY. OH EM GEEZ. Who wants to go to one of these with me? The idea is thus: a dance party where everyone listens to the music through headphones...so that to passersby the dancers appear to be dancing silently. SUPER FUN.

In conclusion, try everything once...but know your limits.

Planking is the new Icing?

Well, maybe not. But, let's put it this way. I basically live in a bubble that consists of work, gchat, beer and reality TV. Sometimes I hear about things (like Dennis Hopper dying...LAST YEAR. WHAT?! I just found about this last night. I checked the dates on this and I was in Israel when it happened...so I can kind of give myself a pass for not knowing that but yikes. I remember Rue McLanahan dying during that time, and a few people telling me...but seriously, people/friends/anyone who talks to me...if you hear of a celebrity dying or being on drugs or starting a new fragrance line or coming to my neighborhood, even if you think I know, LET ME KNOW! And especially if I'm out of the country, keep me posted. I would do the same for you...assuming I know the news to begin with...which...re-reading this sentence it seems like I won't but uh), but most of the time, I don't. And yet, I present myself as a functioning adult (who's wearing plastic shoes to work today...uh).

That being said, if a fad penetrates my bubble, and gets me thinking, I assume that it's the new sliced bread and that everyone knows about it and is into it, too.

You might recall that last year I was very into the idea of icing. My cousin told me about it, nonchalantly, not realizing he was changing my life, by saying that these 'bro-y' type guys he knew were into it. He implied it was stupid.

For the next few weeks/months/probably years when all is said and done, I talked with everyone I knew about icing. What it meant. How to do it. I got iced. I iced back. I did some soul searching and contemplated the lengths I would go to pull off a good icing (the USPS was involved...). I was happy.

Cut to 2011 and the new, I believe, version of icing. Or is it?

Have you all heard about planking? No, I'm not talking about yoga though...huh...it's been two weeks since I got my wisdom teeth out, and now that I'm back from Bonnaroo, I should probably go. Huh...I should...I REALLY should. But first, I'm going to go to this:

Well, planking is this thing where....AH...MIND IS FROZEN...let me find a source to explain it to you (it's just like being in college again) 'The lying down game (also known as planking,^[1] or face downs) is an activity, popular in various parts of the world, consisting of lying face down in an unusual or incongruous location. The hands must touch the sides of the body, and having a photograph of the participant taken and posted on the Internet is an integral part of the game'

WAIT A SECOND - is wikipedia (yeah, that's where I got this) really linking to an article about the INTERNET! IF YOU CAN USE WIKIPEDIA, it's safe to say you know what the Internet is! GEEFZ.

Anyway, I had heard about planking a while ago and saw some pictures...but didn't really get it.



For some reason (read: beer) , when we were out last night for the US AIR GUITAR CHAMPIONSHIPS (just like in my last entry, I'm shredding but you can't see...na na na na na), we decided that planking would be a good idea. MAN. IT IS REALLY FUNNY to try and plank. The idea of just lying flat down...especially when you're out in a public place...I can't really describe it. It's like when you eat a good doughnut...you just know you're in the right place at the right time...right? Weird example.

In conclusion, here are some pictures of us planking. Anyone else into this? (Yes, regardless of what you might have heard, or what I might have told you, I do, kind of, care what you have to say about some things. Maybe.) OVER AND OUT.

Can you guess who is who?

Be Who You Is...

...Or who you are? I was never really good at grammar. Well at grammar? Ugh.

I've had a busy few weeks, everyone. First it was work (UGH), then it was social things (YAY) and now I'm back at my desk, ready to share some stories with all of you. Except now that I'm sitting down to actually write out these stories...I'm not really sure where to begin.

Things that I've been up to:

1) CAITLIN came to visit! I mean...I ate some bad Chinese food and that's why I took that random Friday off. UH. My boss doesn't know what blogger is...Right? Am I gonna be fired?

We (hi, Brooke) had a full NYC day complete with viewings of 'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' at my apartment (note to readers: if you invite any of the NJ Housewives over to place for din-din, be sure to use your plastic flatware as they tend to pound tables when they're upset. Or, I guess you could set the table with your fancy stuff and walk on egg shells so you don't upset them? 'Yes those sequined leggings and your furry hoop earrings look great...um...uh...want more water? I mean wine? I mean, WHATEVER YOU WANT, I'LL GET IT FOR YOU! ! !'), a trip to Spice Market for lunch


(yes, it really looks like that! EEP!)

a stroll around Union Square, an afternoon Fro Yo indulgence (nom nom nom - 'tis the season!), and a trip to Arepas Cafe in Queens for the grand finale. Wait a second...so all we did was watch TV and eat? That explains some things...

COME BACK SOON!

2) MICHELLE visited! this was months in the making, let me tell you. Daily text messages, facebook pokes, gchat statuses and borderline stalkerish (kidding about all of this btw...or am I?) phone calls resulted in Michelle coming to NYC for a weekend (kind of...Thursday - Saturday) to 'play' with me (an aside: What do you all think about adults using the verb 'to play' when they mean 'to hang out' together? I think it's kind of weird... 'HEY! I'm free this Saturday! Want to play?' 'You mean go down a slide together? I'm confused.'). We basically tore NYC a new @$$hole by doing things like shopping in my 'hood, playing Mahjong (OH YES!), karaoke-ing in Astoria (where I gave not one, but TWO of my dirty looks out in a period of 30 seconds), and giggling in bed (tmi? don't EVEN think about taking it there)

Here are some pictures to prove this went down:

2) REBECCA WAS IN TOWN! Notice I didn't say she 'visited' because she didn't really come to see me...but rather, was in NYC for work. However, whilst she was here...there was a barbecue to be had (Thanks, Christine!), a fair amount of robe-wearing that went down (UM...YES! Rebecca was put up in a fancy hotel while she was here that had, in case you didn't read the previous sentence but somehow managed to stumble onto this one, ROBES!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll call the chapter in my autobiography recounting our sleepover 'A dream realized' because I've always wanted to hang out in a fancy hotel in a robe...preferably with a guy but...beggars can't be choosers / Rebecca is my girl?), we saw the Harry Potter exhibition (yes, it's called an exhibition) at the Discovery Center in Times Square that had bomb-ass things like Ron's BED from the movies and random cast members' wands (what would YOUR wands look like, dear readers? please share) and a fun, but irrelevant, basketball/quidditch game you could play (um yeah, I sunk all my shots...NBD).

And we brunched. Let's not forget the brunch.

So that fills you in on three weekends I had, not to mention (except I am mentioning it...ha) a pizza club thrown in for good measure, plus the US Air Guitar Championships last night (I'm shredding right now...if only you could see me), a couple happy hours and, you know BONNAROO (another entry to follow on that...for real).

Now you're all caught up. BYEMISSEDYOUKEEPINTOUCHXOXOXLYLAS