Happy Chanukah, or Why You are Glad You are No Longer in College

Hello, friends! It is I, the sister of the blogger, doing Becky a solid by filling in for her. I am not sure why she can't blog. I assume it's because she's lazy.















But I will get her back. Happy Chanukah, Shmulik!


So it gray and rainy here in Podunk, PA today, and all of the children are miserable. And it got me to thinking about why I am SO glad I am not them. And you should be glad you are not them, too. Here are some reasons why it's awesome not to be in college.

1. Homework

Homework sucks. It's just a fact. And you may have jobs that are crappy, but you know at 5pm, or 6pm, or whenever, you can leave that crap at the office.








But those poor children have homework! It's work they have to do at home! By definition it's horrible. And each professor thinks they are the only ones to give homework, so these kids are working their asses off all the time. Their time is not their own. Like slaves.

2. No Boundaries

So as I was thinking about work at home, and what an inappropriate boundary crossing that is, I then realized these students have so many more. They work and study and sleep and eat and poop and enjoy conjugal relations all in the same 12' x 12' space. There is no escape!




















It may look romantic, but at the end of the day, you are wearing ugly clothes and hoping your roommate doesn't crawl into bed with you during the night.

3. Finals

Finals are almost here, and I think that is adding to the general sense of doom around here. Remember finals? You got no sleep for a week, either memorizing facts you will never remember in order to pass a test, or you wrote papers you don't really remember either, since your thesis appeared to you in a vision somewhere around 4 in the morning.













You know you are not going to see your friends for a month, but you don't really have time or energy or inclination to see them. You are alone, and miserable, hunched over your computer in your room, or hunched over a stack of books in the library, but the point is you are hunched.













Hunched and miserable.

4. Being an Underaged Drinker

Please note: drinking in and of itself is not a problem. The problem is if you are under 21 and want to drink. You are at the mercy of bouncers and bartenders not to card you. Or at the mercy of upperclassmen who might be willing to share some PBR with you. Or at the mercy of the guy down the hall who makes fake IDs.













You are not the master of your own domain. And getting caught drunk could get you arrested, or put on academic probation, or worse...















It's a dangerous way to be.

5. The Food

Psych! When you were in college, I am sure you complained about the cafeteria food.
















But now you are out in the world and responsible for your own meals. What do you call a free, all-you-can-eat meal that someone else prepares and cleans up after?














Delicious, that's what you call it. And you say thank you.

I am sure there are many other reasons why you are glad you are no longer in college. List them in the comments.

Peace out!

Some thoughts...and thank yous and other bla blas

Well, it is almost Thanksgiving again. I am super excited! How about you?

***this just in***

I am still excited but am currently being held captive at my desk. WHAT THE FUCK! FUCK FUCK! That's right. Not FUDGE. FUCK. I was told by many reputable sources that my office would be closing at 1:30 today, you know, the day before one of the most important National holidays we have. And now, here it is, 3:00, and I'm going to be here for another hour and a half. In the grand scheme of humanity, and suffering that is taking place RIGHT NOW fine. This isn't a big deal. But in my life, this is extremely disappointing. We were gonna go to the bra guy! I need bras! And to answer your question, yes, I would like some cheese with my whine. nom nom.

**********

With Thanksgiving comes an excuse to overeat, and to be quiet / not talk to anyone (read: be pensive, and think about all the things you’re thankful for. If someone asks you why you’re not talking and have been staring at the TV all day in your sweatpants, you can just say something like ‘I’m not NOT talking. GOD! This is my mini-vacation for CHRISSAKES! And I’m just thinking about all the things I’m thankful for. Like you. LOVE YOU!...AND to wear sweatpants. LOVE THAT!)

Have I mentioned sweatpants? I really, really, really dig sweatpants. Besides dresses, sweatpants and t-shirts take up most of my wardrobe. I seem to go from 0 – 180. I either dress like I am going out on a date, or dress like I’ve never been on a date in my life and don’t plan on leaving the house in the next 24 hours.

I mean, I have jeans but…they’re just like…uncomfortable. I mean, sometimes when I sit I have to suck in so I don’t hang over them like a muffin (TMI?) and other times they are too short or too long. And other times they stretch out when I’m wearing them so in social settings I have to stand so I don’t contribute to the problem any further. Have you ever gone out to dinner and stood the whole time? WAY WEIRD. WAY! Also, I haven’t actually done that.

I am thankful for many things. I’ve done that list before. Lest you think I’ve become a huge douchebag (I’m only a medium-sized jerkface thankyouverymuch), I’ll briefly list things that I’m thankful for:

1) Tivo. Thanks for clicking at me, and for making the sound of a bongo drum when I hit something inappropriate. Thanks for recording ‘Oprah’ and ‘Millionaire Matchmaker’ and ’30 Rock’ for me.

2) People. Do I really have to list off different sub-groups of people to appease all of you? That seems like it would take a lot of time and, obviously, since I’m blogging instead of doing something else, you can tell that I don’t really have a lot of time. I am thankful for all of you, and all the people you know (well just the ones that I know and also like, if we're going to be real about it), and everyone reading this, and the guy who wrapped up my Baja Fresh burrito for me yesterday (you did a great job!), and the guy who looked like a hotter version of Macauley Culkin on the subway this morning, and, more people. EVEN MORE PEOPLE.

3) Naps. Naps are just...so wonderful, aren't they?

4) The dress I'm wearing today. WOW. It is hiding all my problem areas and is making me look super skinny. SUPER. SKINNY. Don't worry. I'm not (lest you think I become one of those skinny bitches who is unrelateable.)

5) Gold. I don't really have any gold but, I'm thankful for it anyway.

6) My facebook pet, Pampz. It's been a while since I mentioned her, hasn't it? Caitlin gave me this awesome thing that made Pampz into a half-robot-pet for the next three days...ch-check it:

7) Freedom. Well, not right now since I'm being held captive in my office. But in general, you know, I can usually do things when I want to...at least on Saturday.

8) THEY JUST SAID WE CAN LEAVE. BAI!

Things I like about my new apartment

Well, I moved. You should all know that because, you might talk to me, or you definitely read this blog.

It was a pretty smooth move. Nothing broke (except my heart…jk?), and it didn’t take that long (the actual move took about 2.5 hours…not including a trip to UHAUL to pick up the truck / fall in love with the guy working there) and I was able to lay out my room the way I wanted (with the bed by the back window/ door obviously). And Laura went early in the morning and got the cable set up so that later on that night when I needed a mental break my friends at Bravo were waiting for me.


Sigh.

But then came the unpacking. I sort of jumped on it because I knew if I didn’t unpack right away I would be living out of the suitcases and boxes for the next year (if you think I’m exaggerating…you’re sweet), and that didn’t appeal to me, so I just stared at my furniture for a while and then decided where t-shirts should go, which drawer would be good for long sweat pants (as opposed to the shorts drawer-duh!), where I should house my yearbooks (if you’re ever over, you can look at them, if you promise not to make fun of my hair or what clubs I was in…ahem…) and then, yeah.

Laura was officially moved in the next day, and slowly we started to put together furniture, and get kitchen supplies and now, about two weeks after the big day, we’re basically donezo.

And let me tell you, the place is looking good! This is the first apartment I’ve ever lived in where I own the majority of the furniture, and where I’ve been able to visualize a blank space and conceive of where I wanted to put everything.

Now that the place is good to go, let me tell you what I like about it:

Things I like about my new apartment:

1) No Jamie and Shane. BOO BOO BOO. Jk! But I assume that Jamie will be reading this at some point (Shane doesn’t really read, you guys. He watches TV by himself and yells at the screen…). Oh, should I mention that the two of them just got engaged?! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And Larry, who lived in Shane’s room before Shane, just got engaged, too. Giuliana, who I lived with senior year of college, is also married. In conclusion, if you live with me, you are probably going to get married soon / are already married.

(that is legitimately her ring on a vine...AHHH!)

2) My bedroom. I have two windows that bring in a lot of sunlight AND a door to the backyard (kind of weird, but kind of cool). My bed now has a tempurpedic mattress topper and my clothes are arranged nicely and easy to access (read: not over-packed in drawers that don't fit them and that end up getting stuck). My door doesn’t rattle on the hinges or blow closed when there’s a breeze outside because I don’t have a hole in my wall for an air conditioner and the hole that isn’t there doesn’t have an ill-fitting cover that needs to be taped down over and over and over again!


That open space you can see is also perfect for fashion shows AND dance parties AND is right in front of a mirror. WIN!

3) My bathroom shower curtain. SO. CUTE. Thanks, Target (and Jamie…geez…you just will not go away, will you? ;))


4) My living room (two words apparently). There’s a cute little table and chairs in there now, and a little reading nook, and a futon couch that can be made into two chaise loungers (you can expect a full report the day after that feature is used and abused). Not to mention the TiVo brand DVR (TiVO is so cool, you guys! It clicks and beeps at you, like it really ‘gets’ you. And, eventually, it’ll even suggest shows for me and record programs it thinks I’ll like. My friends don’t even do that! Except Debbie, who constantly tells me about shows I should / never will watch. If only she would record them for me…maybe I’d get around to watching them.) we have through RCN and the stocked (thanks everyone who came to my birthday party!) bar table in the corner.


5) My BACK YARD! AHHHH! We have our own back yard, with little clothes lines and potted plants. My landlord is out there a lot (creepy / convenient) jazzing it up. I can’t wait til it’s not winter anymore (it isn’t even winter yet, is it?) so I can go outside and work on de-paling myself.

6) LAURA! Laura is pretty cool. She makes me abuelita hot chocolate and listens to my rants about nothing when I come home at the end of the day. She even invites me out to Brooklyn with her (read: she doesn’t mind being seen in public with me) and her friends!

7) My landlord. WOW. He is the dad from 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding'-no kidding.

But please, don’t make me do all the work and invite you over. You’re welcome to come whenever I’m not busy, or feel like talking to you, or don’t have a lot of TV to catch up on, or if it’s not Monday – Friday or Saturday. Also, if you’ve been counting, since I am going through a phase, there are 17 parentheseseses in here. WOWIE KAZOWIE.

An addition

Kate sometimes comments on this blog (like JASON!) and other times gchats me with thoughts.

Today, she chatted me and reminded me of a song that I love: If you're into it by Flight of the Conchords. Brett sets out to write a love song for this lady-interest, Coco. He talks of swallowing swords and climbing tall mountains. Gemaine counters Brett's claims and says 'Why don't you write about something you'd actually do for a girl if you liked her?'.

This is what Brett comes up with.

This is the kind of love song that should be mass-marketed (well, it was on HBO...but who can afford that ~*~* PREMIUM ~*~*~ channel in THIS recession?).

Enjoy

Thoughts on Love Songs

I used to really like love songs. I mean, I was an *NSYNC fan after all. When I heard words like 'I'll never leave you' and 'I'll always be here for you' and 'I think about you all day' I swooned and pretended that all these manufactured heart-throbs were singing to me. I thought about my future, when a 'prince charming' character would come into my life, and save me from boredom and whatever else I was afraid of (failing tests? not making it in life?).

I thought the idea of someone being DESPERATE and CRAZY for me was romantic. I was desperate and irrational at the time (13-19 was basically crazy...am I RIGHT?!!!!)... and I felt like all these people singing to me on the radio (or on my CD player....hehe...am I dating myself?). I was so special. I was what they'd been looking for (where had they been looking? The mall? The diner? Because that's mostly where I was spending my time).

Then, I went through a pop-punky (keep your comments to yourselves, please) phase. These songs were ANTI-love songs. They mostly dealt with feelings of being unfairly treated, and talked about how SHITTY love was. And life. And how cool it was to be DIFFERENT. And how you didn't NEED anyone to like you because you didn't like anyone, either. I don't know how productive these songs were. I mean, it is good to do your own thing, but to actively curse other people for being cliche and conforming...eh. Who cares?

As was the case with my *NSYNC phase, I went to many concerts when I was into pop-punk. I moshed along with the best of them. I got autographs. Things were good.

And now, I'm kind of over that stuff, too. I got to concerts but...teenagers have replaced me in the audience of shows I would have gone to a few years ago, and the whole thing just seems overdone. I mean, BACK IN MY DAY, there were a lot of bands to choose from...some indie start up labels...now there are just way too many choices and everything sounds the same.

And what about love songs?

Well, apart from the occasional indulgence (Matt Nathanson 'Come On get Higher' comes to mind), I think that most love songs are ridiculous. Love songs play into the insecurity, irrationality, and retarded-ness of love. Just listen to Richard Marx who croons 'Wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here waiting for you'. What the F is that? Richard Marx, go out and eat some dinner! Go call you boys! Stop waiting for this girl (or guy...hmmm) to come around and spend time with you. You're better than that.

And what about lyrics like 'I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more...just to be the man to walk 1,000 miles to fall down at your door'? Really? Does this guy not have a car or access to public transportation?

The Backstreet Boys sang 'I don't care who you are, where you're from, what you did, as long as you love me'. UM. I care. If you killed someone, or like, once pushed an old lady over, it probably will interfere with my feelings for you.

In the mid 90's Mariah Carey promised 'You'll always be my baby'...how can you really be sure? Her relationship with Nick Cannon (I don't even know where to begin) is her longest to date, isn't it? And that's been going on for like, what, 3 months?

And, lately, I've been into a song by Bruno Mars that I have to ignore the words to in order to appreciate the catchy beats. He says 'I'd catch a grenade for you, put my hand on a blade for you...you know I'd do anything for you'...why? Is he a samurai warrior? No need to catch a grenade in my defense. Are there grenades in Queens?

In conclusion, I'm probably revealing a lot about myself in this post, but I just think love songs are silly. Let's have more songs about cooking dinner together, and watching 'The Office' on TiVo, and remembering to pick up that laundry from the dry cleaners. That's what real relationships seem to be about...not fantastical promises of self-mutilation and time spent waiting. Real relationships seem to be about balance, and commitment, and quality time...so why not craft more songs about those themes, than about, I don't know, wanting to die because someone isn't around and calling repeatedly until someone picks up.

In conclusion again, let's all just listen to 'Fuck You' by Cee Lo Green on repeat. Not because the message is necessarily great, but because it's catchy as...FUCK!

Whoopsy

So remember how Kate and I did that thing, where we asked each other questions, and then I posted them in here?

And then I said that Kate had only asked me 9 questions? And I made fun of her or something (did I really, though?).

Well, I went back through my e-mails, after Kate gchatted me, and mentioned on the phone twice, that she had asked me 10 questions and I just didn't answer all of them, and found out that she was right. Kate asked me 10 questions and I forgot to answer one.

I apologize.

I was wrong.

I am a a shadow of a person. I am so low.

Here's the question Kate posed me:

What do you miss about me most now that I live in Podunk, USA?
I am tempted to say 'nothing' since she SASSED ME about this, but I will answer honestly. I miss us hanging out, casually, now that you're not here. It's fun going to visit you and having you visit me...and doing the whole 'sleepover' thing...but it was nice being able to do drinks with you, or catch a movie with you, and just hang out. I miss doing random, last-minute New York City things with you. In conclusion, Pennsylvania Shmennsylvania I say!

An interview, pt. 2

Anyone else having problems...

OK. I started this entry a little bit ago and I can't remember what I was saying there...what point I was ultimately getting at?

Since I can't continue that sentence, it looks like I'm wondering if you have any problems. Well, do you ?. Good. Me either.

How did you all enjoy Kate's interview? GOOD. Great!

Here's my half of our joint-interview series (not sure what I'm talking about? a) you' are really dumb b) for real c) you are so dumb and d) go to the last entry and read about my inspiration). Kate posed the questions in purple to me, and I responded thusly:

1) What is it like for you to be the pretty one?
I think a better question for us both is, what is it like to be labeled so specifically in our family? And I don't know how to answer this. To answer this I feel like I have to agree with my label of 'The Pretty One', but from what mom has said, she views me as 'The Well-Rounded' child in the family. So then I assume that this idea of me being 'The Pretty One' is from you. Is that true? If it is, it's hard for me, knowing that you think I am prettier than you, and that you don't view yourself as attractive. I think you're the only person I know who thinks I'm 'prettier' than they are. In conclusion, it is uncomfortable.

2) What is the hardest part of being my sister?
We talked about this last night but, sometimes I feel like another person in the general public to you. Like you are my Rabbi, instead of my sister.

3) How did you feel when I moved out of the house to go to college?

I don't remember specifically. I remember missing you, A LOT. You always kept me safe, and took care of me at home, so when you were gone I'm sure I felt vulnerable. I do think things were calmer around the house, so that was probably relaxing. I liked getting to visit you, though. Baltimore was some, exotic, place. Not to mention The Paper Moon diner.

4) Is there something you always wanted to tell me but never did?

Yes. If I want to be a jerk, I could just leave it at that but I think you actually want to know what that is, don't you? When you became more religious, after being in Israel, I was upset like everyone else in the family. I felt like we couldn't relate in the same way that we had before. But I also felt like I couldn't tell you I was upset about it because I was your ally in the family. I always will be, by the way...but...that doesn't mean I have to agree with everything you believe in or even understand it.

5) Do you think I should get a pet, and what kind of pet would suit me?

I thought you'd never ask. Open up your facebook and search for 'Pet Society'. Then CREATE your pet (any color you like, baby!), and then let's talk.

(p.s. I made those conversation bubbles so Pet Society isn't creepy...I am. I don't want them to get a bad reputation even though I've already hammered the last nail into my coffin)

6) What life lesson do you think I need to learn?

The world is here for you...not out to get you.

7) What is your favorite story about the two of us?

HMM...I don't know if I have a favorite 'story' about the two of us. Or even a favorite 'memory'. We have so many! I like remembering all the sleepovers we've had, and stupid TV shows we've watched, and giggled about, with our nostrils flaring (I think yours do that, too...not just mine). I also liked when we used to do karaoke at like...6 pm...just 1 song...in that empty bar in the East Village. I was telling someone about that the other day.

8) What do you think my future husband should be like?

I think he should be GREAT just like you. He should be thoughtful, and funny. He should be practical and more pragmatic, since you lean towards creativity. He should like to buy presents for people that you're related to. He should be Jewish. He should like to travel. He should be related to Ryan Gosling, so that he can get me an in.

(Yes that is obviously ME and Ryan Gosling...I've been working out) (If you're wondering how many pictures of him I can put in this blog I guess you'll just have to wait and see)

9) What do you really want to be when you grow up?

I think I still want to be a radio DJ. really.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I thought we were supposed to do 10 questions each, Kate! SLACKER! If you think of something else I'll do another post <3