SPYWARE? GET OUT OF HERE

Oh god. Well, I got some stupid spyware on my computer. This probably doesn't make a difference to you...but if you're a DECENT human being / care about me, it should!

I've noticed lately that my computer at home (my work computer is just fine thankyouverymuch) has been very slow. I didn't assume anything bad, though for a few reasons 1) I use my laptop almost exclusively on my bed (TMI?), which can cause the laptop to heat up and run slower 2) When I close my laptop it doesn't turn off...it goes into standby...which means it's never exactly sleeping and resting. 3) Apparently I am a bad laptop owner...shit.

(I wonder who this kid is...)

Cue to today, when I was at home on a work comp day (BOARD. MEETINGS. ARE. OVER. UNTIL. MAY. which means that work is going to be a bit slower and also that, should my motivation persist, I'll be blogging more! WOO HOO), gchatting with my ladies (you know who you are...<3) class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">spyware on my computer. What? I have spyware? What? I need to pay to get rid of it? I mean, that seems unfair. I didn't put it there or even WANT it there.

SPYWARE? NOT ON MY WATCH!

So, I did what any normal person would do, and turned off my computer and went and met Debbie for coffee. UH...yeah. The coffee was good AND I got to take the bus there (<3 bus <3). I haven't been too into the holiday cheer in recent years. I don't wear red and green together. I don't bake Christmas cookies. I don't exchange Christmas gifts with people I'm not related to OR even send Christmas cards anymore. My heart has shrunk 5 sizes, and my nose doesn't glow red anymore. Because of that, I've been trying to be more holiday cheery-y this year.

I've been playing 'Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays' on repeat at work, and was enticed to get a white peppermint mocha when I met up with Debbie today. She was disgusted with my choice, but if I didn't do things just because Debbie was disgusted by them, I'd never do anything! AM I RIGHT?! :p

Then I went to a place designed for people with shopping problems who are on a budget: The Salvation Army. I was there for a while. Maybe even two hours. I'm not kidding. I got a cute dress-y thing, and some jeans that apparently don't fit (there are no fitting rooms there...nice business plan since there's also no return policy on items that don't fit / have magically appearing stains and holes in them), and a belt....The more I think about it, I should have gotten that white sweater instead of those jeans...!!!!....!!!!...

Then, I went to the library...which...is lacking in Kurt Vonnegut books. EVERYONE has already READ 'Slaughterhouse 5' and 'Cat's Cradle' so there's really no need to have 5 copies, and 4 copies respectively of those titles. Let's get some rarer stuff in there, Queens Library! Let's do this!

And then...well you know...stuff.

But the point is this, I feel violated. WHO does this SPYWARE think it is to just come on my computer and infect it?! I don't want you here. I am happy without you. I don't appreciate you just showing up here, interrupting my DEEP and MEANINGFUL chats and forcing me to go out and TALK to people today when I could have sat in my bed chatting with people electronically.

Also, if you're gonna be a virus, and try to send my credit card info over the internet, at least be up front about it. Don't try to call yourself 'system tool' and get me to give you money. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT? Maybe if English wasn't my first language I might not notice the missing 's' that should be at the end of 'system toolS'...but, fortunately, or unfortunately, I grew up in this country, and understand that my system has more than one tool, and that because I already paid for this computer, there's no need for me to pay for my computer to do its job.

You are a virus! Don't try to pretend to be a part of my computer! DON'T. DO. IT! Be up front about what you are so I can dislike you openly. Don't make me do two jobs: 1) detective 2) hater.

(I was going to put a big X over this picture to symbolize how I don't want to be a detective but, it felt wrong. I LOVED 'Nancy Drew' books as a kid)

In other news, I'm listening to NSYNC songs. Anyone else remember 'God Must Have Spent...'? Apparently, my love is like a river because it's "peaceful and deep".

Happy Chanukah, or Why You are Glad You are No Longer in College

Hello, friends! It is I, the sister of the blogger, doing Becky a solid by filling in for her. I am not sure why she can't blog. I assume it's because she's lazy.















But I will get her back. Happy Chanukah, Shmulik!


So it gray and rainy here in Podunk, PA today, and all of the children are miserable. And it got me to thinking about why I am SO glad I am not them. And you should be glad you are not them, too. Here are some reasons why it's awesome not to be in college.

1. Homework

Homework sucks. It's just a fact. And you may have jobs that are crappy, but you know at 5pm, or 6pm, or whenever, you can leave that crap at the office.








But those poor children have homework! It's work they have to do at home! By definition it's horrible. And each professor thinks they are the only ones to give homework, so these kids are working their asses off all the time. Their time is not their own. Like slaves.

2. No Boundaries

So as I was thinking about work at home, and what an inappropriate boundary crossing that is, I then realized these students have so many more. They work and study and sleep and eat and poop and enjoy conjugal relations all in the same 12' x 12' space. There is no escape!




















It may look romantic, but at the end of the day, you are wearing ugly clothes and hoping your roommate doesn't crawl into bed with you during the night.

3. Finals

Finals are almost here, and I think that is adding to the general sense of doom around here. Remember finals? You got no sleep for a week, either memorizing facts you will never remember in order to pass a test, or you wrote papers you don't really remember either, since your thesis appeared to you in a vision somewhere around 4 in the morning.













You know you are not going to see your friends for a month, but you don't really have time or energy or inclination to see them. You are alone, and miserable, hunched over your computer in your room, or hunched over a stack of books in the library, but the point is you are hunched.













Hunched and miserable.

4. Being an Underaged Drinker

Please note: drinking in and of itself is not a problem. The problem is if you are under 21 and want to drink. You are at the mercy of bouncers and bartenders not to card you. Or at the mercy of upperclassmen who might be willing to share some PBR with you. Or at the mercy of the guy down the hall who makes fake IDs.













You are not the master of your own domain. And getting caught drunk could get you arrested, or put on academic probation, or worse...















It's a dangerous way to be.

5. The Food

Psych! When you were in college, I am sure you complained about the cafeteria food.
















But now you are out in the world and responsible for your own meals. What do you call a free, all-you-can-eat meal that someone else prepares and cleans up after?














Delicious, that's what you call it. And you say thank you.

I am sure there are many other reasons why you are glad you are no longer in college. List them in the comments.

Peace out!

Some thoughts...and thank yous and other bla blas

Well, it is almost Thanksgiving again. I am super excited! How about you?

***this just in***

I am still excited but am currently being held captive at my desk. WHAT THE FUCK! FUCK FUCK! That's right. Not FUDGE. FUCK. I was told by many reputable sources that my office would be closing at 1:30 today, you know, the day before one of the most important National holidays we have. And now, here it is, 3:00, and I'm going to be here for another hour and a half. In the grand scheme of humanity, and suffering that is taking place RIGHT NOW fine. This isn't a big deal. But in my life, this is extremely disappointing. We were gonna go to the bra guy! I need bras! And to answer your question, yes, I would like some cheese with my whine. nom nom.

**********

With Thanksgiving comes an excuse to overeat, and to be quiet / not talk to anyone (read: be pensive, and think about all the things you’re thankful for. If someone asks you why you’re not talking and have been staring at the TV all day in your sweatpants, you can just say something like ‘I’m not NOT talking. GOD! This is my mini-vacation for CHRISSAKES! And I’m just thinking about all the things I’m thankful for. Like you. LOVE YOU!...AND to wear sweatpants. LOVE THAT!)

Have I mentioned sweatpants? I really, really, really dig sweatpants. Besides dresses, sweatpants and t-shirts take up most of my wardrobe. I seem to go from 0 – 180. I either dress like I am going out on a date, or dress like I’ve never been on a date in my life and don’t plan on leaving the house in the next 24 hours.

I mean, I have jeans but…they’re just like…uncomfortable. I mean, sometimes when I sit I have to suck in so I don’t hang over them like a muffin (TMI?) and other times they are too short or too long. And other times they stretch out when I’m wearing them so in social settings I have to stand so I don’t contribute to the problem any further. Have you ever gone out to dinner and stood the whole time? WAY WEIRD. WAY! Also, I haven’t actually done that.

I am thankful for many things. I’ve done that list before. Lest you think I’ve become a huge douchebag (I’m only a medium-sized jerkface thankyouverymuch), I’ll briefly list things that I’m thankful for:

1) Tivo. Thanks for clicking at me, and for making the sound of a bongo drum when I hit something inappropriate. Thanks for recording ‘Oprah’ and ‘Millionaire Matchmaker’ and ’30 Rock’ for me.

2) People. Do I really have to list off different sub-groups of people to appease all of you? That seems like it would take a lot of time and, obviously, since I’m blogging instead of doing something else, you can tell that I don’t really have a lot of time. I am thankful for all of you, and all the people you know (well just the ones that I know and also like, if we're going to be real about it), and everyone reading this, and the guy who wrapped up my Baja Fresh burrito for me yesterday (you did a great job!), and the guy who looked like a hotter version of Macauley Culkin on the subway this morning, and, more people. EVEN MORE PEOPLE.

3) Naps. Naps are just...so wonderful, aren't they?

4) The dress I'm wearing today. WOW. It is hiding all my problem areas and is making me look super skinny. SUPER. SKINNY. Don't worry. I'm not (lest you think I become one of those skinny bitches who is unrelateable.)

5) Gold. I don't really have any gold but, I'm thankful for it anyway.

6) My facebook pet, Pampz. It's been a while since I mentioned her, hasn't it? Caitlin gave me this awesome thing that made Pampz into a half-robot-pet for the next three days...ch-check it:

7) Freedom. Well, not right now since I'm being held captive in my office. But in general, you know, I can usually do things when I want to...at least on Saturday.

8) THEY JUST SAID WE CAN LEAVE. BAI!

Things I like about my new apartment

Well, I moved. You should all know that because, you might talk to me, or you definitely read this blog.

It was a pretty smooth move. Nothing broke (except my heart…jk?), and it didn’t take that long (the actual move took about 2.5 hours…not including a trip to UHAUL to pick up the truck / fall in love with the guy working there) and I was able to lay out my room the way I wanted (with the bed by the back window/ door obviously). And Laura went early in the morning and got the cable set up so that later on that night when I needed a mental break my friends at Bravo were waiting for me.


Sigh.

But then came the unpacking. I sort of jumped on it because I knew if I didn’t unpack right away I would be living out of the suitcases and boxes for the next year (if you think I’m exaggerating…you’re sweet), and that didn’t appeal to me, so I just stared at my furniture for a while and then decided where t-shirts should go, which drawer would be good for long sweat pants (as opposed to the shorts drawer-duh!), where I should house my yearbooks (if you’re ever over, you can look at them, if you promise not to make fun of my hair or what clubs I was in…ahem…) and then, yeah.

Laura was officially moved in the next day, and slowly we started to put together furniture, and get kitchen supplies and now, about two weeks after the big day, we’re basically donezo.

And let me tell you, the place is looking good! This is the first apartment I’ve ever lived in where I own the majority of the furniture, and where I’ve been able to visualize a blank space and conceive of where I wanted to put everything.

Now that the place is good to go, let me tell you what I like about it:

Things I like about my new apartment:

1) No Jamie and Shane. BOO BOO BOO. Jk! But I assume that Jamie will be reading this at some point (Shane doesn’t really read, you guys. He watches TV by himself and yells at the screen…). Oh, should I mention that the two of them just got engaged?! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And Larry, who lived in Shane’s room before Shane, just got engaged, too. Giuliana, who I lived with senior year of college, is also married. In conclusion, if you live with me, you are probably going to get married soon / are already married.

(that is legitimately her ring on a vine...AHHH!)

2) My bedroom. I have two windows that bring in a lot of sunlight AND a door to the backyard (kind of weird, but kind of cool). My bed now has a tempurpedic mattress topper and my clothes are arranged nicely and easy to access (read: not over-packed in drawers that don't fit them and that end up getting stuck). My door doesn’t rattle on the hinges or blow closed when there’s a breeze outside because I don’t have a hole in my wall for an air conditioner and the hole that isn’t there doesn’t have an ill-fitting cover that needs to be taped down over and over and over again!


That open space you can see is also perfect for fashion shows AND dance parties AND is right in front of a mirror. WIN!

3) My bathroom shower curtain. SO. CUTE. Thanks, Target (and Jamie…geez…you just will not go away, will you? ;))


4) My living room (two words apparently). There’s a cute little table and chairs in there now, and a little reading nook, and a futon couch that can be made into two chaise loungers (you can expect a full report the day after that feature is used and abused). Not to mention the TiVo brand DVR (TiVO is so cool, you guys! It clicks and beeps at you, like it really ‘gets’ you. And, eventually, it’ll even suggest shows for me and record programs it thinks I’ll like. My friends don’t even do that! Except Debbie, who constantly tells me about shows I should / never will watch. If only she would record them for me…maybe I’d get around to watching them.) we have through RCN and the stocked (thanks everyone who came to my birthday party!) bar table in the corner.


5) My BACK YARD! AHHHH! We have our own back yard, with little clothes lines and potted plants. My landlord is out there a lot (creepy / convenient) jazzing it up. I can’t wait til it’s not winter anymore (it isn’t even winter yet, is it?) so I can go outside and work on de-paling myself.

6) LAURA! Laura is pretty cool. She makes me abuelita hot chocolate and listens to my rants about nothing when I come home at the end of the day. She even invites me out to Brooklyn with her (read: she doesn’t mind being seen in public with me) and her friends!

7) My landlord. WOW. He is the dad from 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding'-no kidding.

But please, don’t make me do all the work and invite you over. You’re welcome to come whenever I’m not busy, or feel like talking to you, or don’t have a lot of TV to catch up on, or if it’s not Monday – Friday or Saturday. Also, if you’ve been counting, since I am going through a phase, there are 17 parentheseseses in here. WOWIE KAZOWIE.

An addition

Kate sometimes comments on this blog (like JASON!) and other times gchats me with thoughts.

Today, she chatted me and reminded me of a song that I love: If you're into it by Flight of the Conchords. Brett sets out to write a love song for this lady-interest, Coco. He talks of swallowing swords and climbing tall mountains. Gemaine counters Brett's claims and says 'Why don't you write about something you'd actually do for a girl if you liked her?'.

This is what Brett comes up with.

This is the kind of love song that should be mass-marketed (well, it was on HBO...but who can afford that ~*~* PREMIUM ~*~*~ channel in THIS recession?).

Enjoy

Thoughts on Love Songs

I used to really like love songs. I mean, I was an *NSYNC fan after all. When I heard words like 'I'll never leave you' and 'I'll always be here for you' and 'I think about you all day' I swooned and pretended that all these manufactured heart-throbs were singing to me. I thought about my future, when a 'prince charming' character would come into my life, and save me from boredom and whatever else I was afraid of (failing tests? not making it in life?).

I thought the idea of someone being DESPERATE and CRAZY for me was romantic. I was desperate and irrational at the time (13-19 was basically crazy...am I RIGHT?!!!!)... and I felt like all these people singing to me on the radio (or on my CD player....hehe...am I dating myself?). I was so special. I was what they'd been looking for (where had they been looking? The mall? The diner? Because that's mostly where I was spending my time).

Then, I went through a pop-punky (keep your comments to yourselves, please) phase. These songs were ANTI-love songs. They mostly dealt with feelings of being unfairly treated, and talked about how SHITTY love was. And life. And how cool it was to be DIFFERENT. And how you didn't NEED anyone to like you because you didn't like anyone, either. I don't know how productive these songs were. I mean, it is good to do your own thing, but to actively curse other people for being cliche and conforming...eh. Who cares?

As was the case with my *NSYNC phase, I went to many concerts when I was into pop-punk. I moshed along with the best of them. I got autographs. Things were good.

And now, I'm kind of over that stuff, too. I got to concerts but...teenagers have replaced me in the audience of shows I would have gone to a few years ago, and the whole thing just seems overdone. I mean, BACK IN MY DAY, there were a lot of bands to choose from...some indie start up labels...now there are just way too many choices and everything sounds the same.

And what about love songs?

Well, apart from the occasional indulgence (Matt Nathanson 'Come On get Higher' comes to mind), I think that most love songs are ridiculous. Love songs play into the insecurity, irrationality, and retarded-ness of love. Just listen to Richard Marx who croons 'Wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here waiting for you'. What the F is that? Richard Marx, go out and eat some dinner! Go call you boys! Stop waiting for this girl (or guy...hmmm) to come around and spend time with you. You're better than that.

And what about lyrics like 'I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more...just to be the man to walk 1,000 miles to fall down at your door'? Really? Does this guy not have a car or access to public transportation?

The Backstreet Boys sang 'I don't care who you are, where you're from, what you did, as long as you love me'. UM. I care. If you killed someone, or like, once pushed an old lady over, it probably will interfere with my feelings for you.

In the mid 90's Mariah Carey promised 'You'll always be my baby'...how can you really be sure? Her relationship with Nick Cannon (I don't even know where to begin) is her longest to date, isn't it? And that's been going on for like, what, 3 months?

And, lately, I've been into a song by Bruno Mars that I have to ignore the words to in order to appreciate the catchy beats. He says 'I'd catch a grenade for you, put my hand on a blade for you...you know I'd do anything for you'...why? Is he a samurai warrior? No need to catch a grenade in my defense. Are there grenades in Queens?

In conclusion, I'm probably revealing a lot about myself in this post, but I just think love songs are silly. Let's have more songs about cooking dinner together, and watching 'The Office' on TiVo, and remembering to pick up that laundry from the dry cleaners. That's what real relationships seem to be about...not fantastical promises of self-mutilation and time spent waiting. Real relationships seem to be about balance, and commitment, and quality time...so why not craft more songs about those themes, than about, I don't know, wanting to die because someone isn't around and calling repeatedly until someone picks up.

In conclusion again, let's all just listen to 'Fuck You' by Cee Lo Green on repeat. Not because the message is necessarily great, but because it's catchy as...FUCK!

Whoopsy

So remember how Kate and I did that thing, where we asked each other questions, and then I posted them in here?

And then I said that Kate had only asked me 9 questions? And I made fun of her or something (did I really, though?).

Well, I went back through my e-mails, after Kate gchatted me, and mentioned on the phone twice, that she had asked me 10 questions and I just didn't answer all of them, and found out that she was right. Kate asked me 10 questions and I forgot to answer one.

I apologize.

I was wrong.

I am a a shadow of a person. I am so low.

Here's the question Kate posed me:

What do you miss about me most now that I live in Podunk, USA?
I am tempted to say 'nothing' since she SASSED ME about this, but I will answer honestly. I miss us hanging out, casually, now that you're not here. It's fun going to visit you and having you visit me...and doing the whole 'sleepover' thing...but it was nice being able to do drinks with you, or catch a movie with you, and just hang out. I miss doing random, last-minute New York City things with you. In conclusion, Pennsylvania Shmennsylvania I say!