A live blog

I've live blogged before. I believe it was two years ago...actually...almost three! My, how the time flies! The blog entries came on a day when I was stuck at my old office (BOO! HISS! *throws stone*), unable to attend a work event, that I had actually helped to plan. Awkward, no? So, I decided that instead of, I don't know, taking initiative and furthering my career, or doing anything of use to anyone, that I would watch 'Doogie Howser' and blog as I watched.

I think people read them? And if people read a blog entry of mine, I assume that means they're not throwing up (hard to read something and throw up at the same time, isn't it? Wait...have you really tried that cuz I'm totally kidding. ew. ) which means that it's good quality. Yeah I took a few leaps in formulating that hypothesis. I was never good at science (see - previous entry where I talk about wanting to be a nurse so I could wear scrubs but then also talk about how I am bad at science so couldn't ever be a nurse). In conclusion, I think those live blogs were good stuff.

And, wait...did I also live blog during election day in 2008? if I didn't, I talked about it with Debbie enough for it to FEEL like I did. Feelings are important. But not real. And don't ever forget that. Wait, no. I think they ARE real. UGH

So, today I will live blog for the last couple hours of work. I mean, not that I'm at work. I'm pretending to be at work. No. Wait. I am at work but I'm just pretending to work. This gets worse and worse, doesn't it? - that's what she said.

I've been lying low on the radar. Apparently, my boss is in gchat, and read my gchat status which says 'lying low on the radar - shhh', and is taking my wishes into consideration. VERY. SWEET. !!

So what do I do with myself when I am at work but not working. I mean, I'm working. Ha. Ha. Well, I do lots of things.

1) I facebook stalk people.

2) I online shop (sometimes for myself, and other times, for others)

3) I blog (OHHHH it all comes full circle, doesn't it?)

4) I log into my mom's netflix streaming and see what movies are available to stream instantly, and then write those movies on a post-it note (take that, paper!) (oh wait, the opposite of that. why didn't I just make a note in my phone? womps) and then share that post-it note with my friend who I'm going to watch a movie with tonight. So many choices!

5) and then I post my first live-blog entry, to keep the crowds at ease. Nothing like a rowdy crowd to make this complicated.

Things about the hospital

I started off this Monday morning with a little bit of online shopping. I have a fair amount of dresses (did you know that 'amount' only has one 'm' in it? true story) that are a BIT too short for work, so am looking for a simple tank dress, probably black, to wear under these dresses. Doing so would create a cool layered look, and also create a cool religious girl look. Cool girl. Religious girl. Say it with me now!

But then I decided / realized, that online shopping is probably something I don't need to do right now. I have this thing where I spend money as if I have lots of it. It's awkward for everyone involved. Especially the people I complain to about not having money. They're like 'Yeah, it's tough budgeting. BTW, I like your new Jimmy Choos and pearls. '

So then I decided / realized, that I should blog. Has it been over a week since my last entry? Probably. That seems like something I would do.

Well, it was a busy week. My mom and brother were in the hospital...hospital party and you're not invited?

I don't normally go to hospitals, or happen upon them...and until last Tuesday I didn't even know what a hospital was! That being said, spending time in one gets you to thinking.

Things about hospitals

1) They are very clean. WHOA. Who ever scrubs those floors and washes those walls (Cinderella?) does a really good job.

2) They have a random assortment of artwork. Well, at least the Yale New Haven hospital does. There are boats (So Connecticut-y it's not even funny), and autumn scenes, and...yeah. In terms of wall hangings, I hope that one day my apartment can be as full as the hospital.

3) They have candy - just about everywhere. SIGN ME UP. Oh wait. No. I don't mean that. But, it's never too early in the morning for a Werther's Original. Am I right?

4) They have unhealthy food in the cafeteria (I'm not including 'candy' in this category because a piece of candy is like, practically no calories). Does that surprise anyone? I mean...I just think of hospitals as healthy places...places where people come to be well. I don't associate fried chicken with eating well, and yet it was on prominent display in the cafeteria of Yale. And, what about all the cookies? And all the junk food available in the nourishment rooms? CON. FUS. ING. !!!.

5) Doctors are good looking. And, also, DOCTORS. I mean, a good looking person, is like, eh, whatever. I mean, I live in New York so people that are put together are a dime a dozen, here. If you look beneath the surface of these Adoni (the plural of Adonys? anyone?), you find that most of them live in apartments with 10 other people and are 'kind of in between gigs' right now, and you know, have emotional issues that prevent them from functioning like adults. Doctors though, they have REAL jobs, and show up to places on TIME, and like, save peoples lives!...and if in addition to those nice, dependable attributes they're good-looking, well, sign me up!

6) SCRUBS. I am jealous of all health care professionals in hospitals who get to wear scrubs all the time. Wearing scrubs to work would be like a dream for me. So, while I was waiting around, I contemplated becoming a nurse. Yes, a nurse. Because women can't be doctors, duh!

But, I am not good with 'the sciences' as I call them. And, I don't like touching other people who I don't know who I am not dating. And, I can be awkward, and have a tendency to walk into things (read: IVs...whoops!). And, did I mention that I don't like touching people I don't have crushes on? So, like...it probably wouldn't work out. Which leads me to another line of thinking...what other job can I have where wearing scrubs to work is OK? If you think of anything, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know! Garbageman doesn't count.

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

HAPPY SUNDAY!

I am sitting in my pajamas, drinking abuelita hot chocolate, and ignoring the fact that it's raining outside. Luckily, I'm uploading pictures from my recent FL vacation on facebook. Also luckily, I received the following submission for my advice column:

Dear Becky (if that's your real name):

I have a friend visiting from out of town next week. She has come to visit a few times before, and we have conquered all the usual touristy stuff. I want to show her a good time, and I know that you are really into doing stuff, so do you have suggestions for us?

Sincerely,

Jaded New Yorker

Dear Jaded New Yorker,
First of all, good call on giving your self an alias. Everyone else who's written is has left their names blank, allowing me to somewhat embarrass them by making up silly names. Actually, they probably weren't embarrassed...damnit. Anyway...Thanks for writing in. Blah Blahbity.

I sometimes do things, and sometimes I don't. But, I do live in New York City, and when I do things, they're usually there. That being said, I think I should be able to help you with this situation. First of all, it's a good thing you've already done all the touristy things...because...touristy things usually involve lines, and waiting, and that's not a recipe for fun. And you probably want to have fun when your friend is here. That being said, I think you live in Astoria so why not do some fun Astoria/Queens things?


How about The Museum of the Moving Image? (I believe there's free admission on Friday nights) Or a trip to the Beer Garden? What about a night at Sweet Afton for some tasty beers and mac and cheese? And, if you're feeling really adventurous, I heard good things about The Queens Museum. There's a lot to be said for the Chinese food scene in Flushing, and let's not forget Sripraphai...our favorite Thai place out in Woodside.

There's also tons of stuff to do in Brooklyn (barf). You could do a bar crawl in Williamsburg (though, if you're feeling cranky or on edge, the hipsters might be too much for you to handle) or hit up the Brooklyn Brewery.

If you want to actually go into Manhattan, There's our old standby Shake Shack, in multiple locations. One of my coworker's also has good things to say about a Masonic Temple downtown that offers free tours at least on weekend mornings...not sure about weekdays. While you're in 'the city', why not go for some cheap margaritas at Blockheads and do some shopping by Herald Square?

I hope some of these tips are helpful! If not, go fly a kite! YEAH! THAT'S RIGHT! I SAID IT!

Thanks for writing in,
Becky

I want to be a good writer...

...I mean a 'well' writer. UGH. What's that rule?

I took out a book from The Queens Library two months ago. Actually...two and a half months ago. I do that, from time to time...take out books from the library. You should, too. It's like shopping without spending any money (read: HEAVEN!).

The books were the following: 'God Bless You Dr. Kevorkian' and 'Look At The Birdie'. I started reading 'Look At The Birdie' right away and...liked it...but forgot about it. It was around Christmastime, and I had presents, and naps, and cookies, and wearing sweatpants on my mind...so it's not surprising that I let the book go.

$12.75 later (whoops) I realized the books were long overdue...so...I did what any sensible, responsible, and some other word ending in 'ible' adult would do, and renewed the books and put off paying the fine indefinitely. Well, not indefinitely. I'm sure I'll get around to paying it sometime. I definitely will indefinitely.

But then I didn't read them until this morning, and even then I didn't read both of them. That would be really hard, or maybe even IMPOSSIBLE. The thing is, I meant to, but I started reading 'The Girl Who Played With Fire' (OMGPARTY, have any of you read this series? goodstuffeatery.com) and then I was on ~*~* vacation ~*~*.

But then I cracked open 'God Bless You Dr. Kevorkian' and let me say...it was worth the $12.75 and the two months wait because, WOW, THIS BOOK IS GREAT!

Kurt Vonnegut is my personal hero. Or he was. Well, actually, he's not around anymore, but my love is current, so I think I can say that he IS, present tense, my personal hero.

His way with words gets me really excited (simmer down) and I find that though we never met, and he really had nothing to do with me, he speaks my truth. As I stood reading the intro to 'God Bless You Dr. Kevorkian' and laughing, and feverishly turning pages, I stumbled upon the following paragraph on marriage:

'...I know what women want. they want a whole lot of ppl to talk to. what do they want to talk about? they want to talk about everything. What do men want? They want a lot of pals, and they wish people wouldn't get so mad at them.

Why are so many people getting divorced today? It's because most of us don't have extended families anymore. It used to be that when a man and a woman got married, the bride got a lot more people to talk to about everything. The groom got a lot more pals to tell dumb jokes to.

A few Americans, but very few, still have extended families. The Navajos. The Kennedys.

But most of us, if we get married nowadays, are just one more person for the other person.

The groom gets one more pal, but it's a woman. The woman gets one more person to talk to about everything, but it's a man. When a couple has an argument, they may think it's about money or power or sex, or how to raise the kids, or whatever. What they're really saying to each other, though, without realizing it, is this: 'you are not enough people!'

Isn't that just kind of perfect? And isn't it just kind of true? I thought to myself 'I wonder what I should have for breakfast today?' and then I thought to myself 'I would love to write like Kurt Vonnegut'.

I talked to Kate about this, and she told me that Kurt Vonnegut fashioned a list of 8 rules for writers. Since I was at work, and actually busy, I decided it would be a good idea to look up this list of writing rules from my personal guru / the guy I want to be like (is that what 'guru' means?):

1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
4. Every sentence must do one of two things—reveal character or advance the action.
5. Start as close to the end as possible.
6. Be a sadist. No matter sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them—in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

Let's think about these rules for a little bit. Do I follow any of them? Am I a good writer? Let's see, as far as #1 goes I waste all of your time. Whoops! I do think, however, that I am the 'character' in this blog, and I am endearing and likable (my mom told me so), so for #2 YES! YOU CAN ROOT FOR ME!

WATCH ME WIN!

#3 is affirmative, because I want things all the time. I write entries about my covetous desires. #4 my sentences do those things, I think...I reveal a lot with my words, I'm sure, and you know, each word you read is after the last word you read so...cool. #5, ha ha ha...nope. NOT A CHANCE. #6, Some shiz does happen to me...so...ok. #7, I write to please myself, so there you go. And #8...I offer information as I write...as the blog entries go along...I could be better but I could be worse. I'm no Hitler!

In conclusion, nothing but I like Kurt Vonnegut and you should read some of his things. If I know you for realzies, I am happy to lend you something. If I know you over the internetz, go to the library and take some books out! LIBRARIES!

Keep the questions coming!

I'M BACK FROM VACATION! AH! SO SAD.

Here's a question I received in my absence:

Dear Becky,

I have a serious problem. I am used to being in frequent contact via gchat with a friend of mine. Alas, she is on vacation and I am sitting in my office wanting to chat with her, and she's not there! It's breaking my heart. What should I do?

Sincerely,

I miss her like the deserts miss the rain

Dear I miss her like the deserts miss the rain,

I am saddened by the sadness plaguing your heart and making you sad. I am also sad that I don't have a thesaurus. In all seriousness though, your friend will be back before you know it. In fact, she MIGHT even be back now. In case she's not though, why not try taking up sudoku, weaving, tweeting or novel-writing. These are hobbies / pursuits that involve concentration and CAN, if you're dedicated, take up a large quantity of your time. OH...well tweeting doesn't really take concentration,,,though the 140 character limit can be a BIT of a challenge. It is time consuming though...Busying yourself is a good way to miss your friend less, or maybe even stop liking her.

Sincerely,

Becky

***DEAR READERS: SEE THE TITLE OF THIS BLOG FOR FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS***

I'm like Yoda

THIS IS AMAZING. Here we go:

Dear Becky--

My old roommate and I no longer live together, but as we are still friends, I need advice because I'm having a problem with her. She doesn't tell me things anymore and I don't know what to do! Whenever I see her, or am gchatting with her, she brings up very important topics/things that are going on in her life that she expects me to already know about, but I DON'T. Apparently she's forgotten that I love GOSSIP and would like to remain clued in to the important and not important details of her life. I really like her and would like to be friends with her forevs, but I am super frustrated. I know she's probably watching Top Chef All-Stars without me, and wearing sweatpants with her new roommate without a second thought about me, but I can't take it. I need to know what's going on with her at all time.....

Sincerely,

My old roommate was probably the best roommate I'll ever have (besides my future husband)

Dear My old roommate was probably the best roommate I'll ever have (besides my future husband),

I've always found that bribery is a great way to get people to like you. Have you considered offering your old roommate (who sounds like a LOVELY person btw) gifts to get her to gossip with you? Small amounts of cash (preferably in bills), or jewelry or minor league baseball teams might be a good way to start.

Or what about power? If you're not in the market for tangible items, why not bribe this wonderful person you used to live with something like...ultimate decision making control over your life? or...name your first child / pet after her? Make her feel important by allowing her to rule over you. Once she's secure in herself via ruining your life and draining you of your finances, I'm sure the flood gates will open. Then you'll be writing in asking me how to get her to stop talking! AM I RIGHT?!

I know this seems messed up, but in order to turn around undesirable situations, you need to be realistic. People like gifts and power. This is the way the world works.


In all seriousness though, she misses you too and has early on-set Alzheimer's so can't remember who she tells what to. Her subway conductor probably knows WAY too much information, while you are being left out in the dark. It's not personal, and I'm sure you can rectify this with diligent gchatting, day drinking opportunities and some regular phone dates.

! URGENT !

This just in:

Dear Becky,

I am torn between a caesar and a southwest. salad. which one for lunch today?

Regards,

Hungry for lunch

Dear Hungry for lunch,

Go for the Southwest salad. Corn and chips and other festive ingredients - should spice up your day! Besides, caesar salads, like regular cell phones (SMARTPHONES WHAT UP!), Hannah Montana, and dresses over pants (at least for me, personally) are so 2008.

Best,

Beck E