The thing is...

...I actually don't really want to have kids. YET. One day I think I'd be a fine mom, but today? NO. I am way too self-centered and I get bored REALLY easily. OH I'm sorry...were you talking?

Uh huh.

WOW.

That is crazy!

So what did you say?

He really said that back? WHAT A DOUCHE!


Can we get back to me now?

That being said, I find myself partaking of many 'motherly' activities. First, I play with babies all the time (just kidding) and second, I can't stop getting pregnant (also kidding). I also hang out at Babies R Us like it's my job, and have hung a mobile above my bed. Those were both jokes too. GOD. Do you people even have a sense of humor? No, not individual senses of humor...one COLLECTIVE sense of humor?

But seriously, I had a facebook baby...RIP. No no. She's not dead...I just don't play with her anymore (see above). And I have a facebook pet. YAY!! PAMPLEMOUSSE! I still play with her on a basically daily basis. Here's a picture I snapped of her just this morning...

*sigh*...Now I have a facebook farm. I consider a myself a sort of 'mother Earth' to this farm...planting seeds, harvesting crops, decorating. I get real satisfaction out of fake planting my sake feeds...wait a second. Did you catch what I did just there? I wrote SAKE FEEDS instead of FAKE SEEDS! HAHAH! WOW! Anyway, I get real satisfaction out of my fake farm w/ fake plants and fake animals and fake coins. Maybe it's just the coins that I really like...


Anyway, last Friday I took my motheringness (motherocity? motheration?) to the next step and bought a REAL pet with my roommate, Jamie. Now I have a TANGIBLE THING I can take care of on a daily basis. Too bad I don't get any coins for dressing it...


My new pet is a small fiddler crab. His name is Padma Sanchez. We kind of named him before we bought him...so hopefully the whole 'female name thing'/the fact that we keep calling him 'her' won't be too confusing for her. I mean him. DAMNIT!

We brought him home, and put him in a little fish bowl. Depending on what we're doing we move the fish bowl around the apartment. If we're cooking dinner, we'll place Padma in his bowl and sit him on the kitchen counter. Or if we're watching TV (like 'The Amazing Race' for example...BEST. SHOW. EVER.) we'll set him right on the coffee table so he can watch along with us.


He doesn't really do too much. Mostly he walks sideways and tries to fling himself out of his bowl (we think we're smothering him...that's the only explanation we can think of. I mean, why else wouldn't he want to spend his time in a small fish bowl with a big faux-flower plant in it and black/rainbow colored pebbles..?). Also, he eats by picking food up with his one big claw and shoving it into his mouth. It's really unattractive. Before he starts dating his two mommies probably need to sit him down and explain proper etiquette. Also, he sleeps/doesn't move so we think he's dead. Does that count as something that he does?

Anyway, it is nice to have a crab who doesn't talk, or really move, and backs away from me when I walk towards him. It just gives me a warm fuzzy feeling when I come home, you know? Sure he's not a cat

or dog
or ferret
or duckling
or my little pony

but he's Padma and that's enough for me!