People who walk up subway stairs in front of me

WOW. CAPITALS AGAIN! YES! I can breathe...

This air is so fresh and good. Or is it well?

I've been planning this blog entry for a long time and am really hoping it resonates with people. ***Just in case it doesn't...and is in fact offensive to you...I'm sorry! I just have had this idea for such a long time. I had to let these ideas out of my head and into the world. I had to!*** This blog topic, though awkwardly worded, is on my mind a lot...or at least Monday-Friday at around 8:30 in the morning.

I am usually kind of lateish in the mornings when I go to work. I can wake up at 7, or 6:45 or 7:30...and yet I always find myself leaving my house at 8:05. I usually get the 8:12 subway, and after some stopping...I find myself at the dreaded 59th st. stop where the 4, 5, 6, R, N, and W trains go. (all my NYC peepz you know what I'm talkin' about here. Doesn't that subway stop suck?!). I look at my cell phone (yes, I have about 5 watches but all of them are flawed in some way so I haven't been wearing one lately) and see that it's 8:25. OK. GREAT. At this point I realize that I need to get off my train and catch THE NEXT uptown 6 local train to make it to work, one stop away, at 8:30.

In order to get to the uptown 6 train, I need to go up two flights of stairs from the N/R/W train platform. Two flights of stairs is really nothing...unless you happen to somehow, ALWAYS, NO MATTER WHAT, walk up the stairs behind the following people:

1) People with limps. Look...I understand. Sometimes your leg hurts, or you have a medical issue and before you know it the only way you can get from point A to point B is to limp. You try to walk, but you can't really. You never wanted this for yourself. You feel sad and ashamed about who you've become. And I feel sad for you too...but not sad enough to want to walk up the stairs behind you and be late to work.


2) People with heavy bags. I don't know WHERE these people are going, but they're taking a lot of stuff with them. And for some reason, they can't carry them. These bags don't have wheels and are just so frickin' big. As you can imagine, it takes these characters a long time to get up the stairs...and when I'm walking behind them (which I usually am) all bets are off.

3) Small women with baby strollers. It sucks having to bring a stroller down into the subway, then on the subway, then off the subway and then, finally, if you even make it that far, having to carry the stroller with your stupid baby (STUPID BABY!) up the stairs. I get it, kind of. But, I also get that it sucks to walk up the stairs behind you. IT REALLY SUCKS. Forget about your baby and think about me for a second. I didn't have your baby. I didn't buy your stroller. I didn't make you take the subway by yourself. So why am I paying the price for your slowness? Furthermore, and this has nothing to do with you, why isn't anyone helping you? Come on coordinated people/strong people...help a sister out! I would offer to help but you know, um...I have this thing...so...

+

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4) People who aren't sure if they WANT to go up the stairs. So, we've all had those days, haven't we? You wake up feeling blah...you have a lot of personal/sick days at work...you don't NEED to come in...you totally COULD stay home and watch TV all day and relax...and yet you find yourself taking a shower, brushing your teeth, fixing your hair, getting dressed and before you know you're on the subway. Even though you don't have to be. Even though you don't want to be. You arrive at your transfer station...have to walk up a few flights of stairs to get to the other platform...and...you...just...can't...find...the...energy. You're tired. You're wondering why you're here. So you just, kind of, you know, stand at the bottom of the stairs. Some people are able to walk around you. They turn to give you a look that says something along the lines of 'having a hard time huh? that sucks. I've been there (past tense)...but I still need you to GET OUT OF MY WAY! (present tense). And yet others, like me, are stuck. Motionless. Behind you.

5) People who have never seen stairs before. I thought stairs might be an international kind of thing but it seems like a good deal of people who live in NYC have no idea how to use them...so...



6) People who are anti-stairs. I didn't even know that stairs were controversial. I thought they were just, you know, there. An easy way to get up to a higher ground without having to actually climb. But judging from the looks of discust and the slowness of people walking up stairs in the mornings, maybe there's some hidden angst I don't know about. Maybe stairs have hurt people or caused suffering in some way...? Or maybe people are just stupid?


7) People who are slow. Some people don't have an excuse. They don't have a medical condition, and aren't ignorant as to what stairs are. Some people, who I end up walking behind, are just SLOW. unacceptable!

In conclusion, I hope to not walk up the stairs behind #s 1-7 again. If you're a slow stair walker, for any of the above reasons, or even for another reason I haven't mentioned, just step aside and let us other, busy 'nyc types' rush by and catch our connecting train. It's ok to take your time...I guess...just don't let your choices affect me in a negative way. bye!

'A day in the worklife' drawings, pt. 3

Happy Day After St. Patrick's Day. I Don't Know If All The Words In That Sentence Needed To Be Capitalized, But I Did It Anyway. And I'm Still Going. This Is Harder Than You Would Think. No Really. It Is.

maybe now i will rebel and only do lowercase? do you think i can make it the whole entry? it might be hard...esp. because i have a thing about capitalizing the letter 'i' but i shall.

so did you all have a good st. patty's day? i think mine was a success because a) i wore green b) i went to the st. patrick's day parade and c) i got drunk. but mostly because i got drunk.

this is the last of my 'a day in the worklife' drawing series. i know how sad you must be. this is probably how you felt when you graduated high school or college.

you did graduate college or high school right? middle school? did you at least graduate middle school?

gosh i am so judgmental.

nice shirt, loser.

a 'map' of my bulletin board at my desk.

um...this is kind of self explanatory, no? if not, maybe you should really consider getting your ged and learning how to read before you continue along with this blog.

a pen, a paperclip, and a little pumpkin wind up toy i have under my computer monitor. well, the pen isn't usually under my monitor...it's usually in my pen/shit organizer but...i digress.

a little city scape, if you will (i mean, you don't have to but i would if i were you) :)


and finally, the piece de resistance (sorry for all the french in here but i'm going out to dinner at a french restaurant tonight and am very excited! since i'm still doing the 'no caps' thing i couldn't capitalize 'french' and 'very' in the previous sentence to emphasize my enthusiasm. it killed me a little bit inside. or a lot a bit.

stay beautiful, bye!

'A day in the worklife' drawings, pt. 2

Oh hello! It's me, Becky, again....

Yup...

Um...

So how was your week?

Uh huh. WOW. Really?

Um...

I guess I thought we had more to talk about but this is just getting really uncomfortable. I don't deal well with silence. Nope. I don't. Hi. Hi again. I'm still talking. Why can't I stop talking? What is wrong with me? I like your shirt. And you. And the sky. And cats. Haha. I love cats. They're so cute. Don't you like cats? I mean, don't you? You? Cats? Cats. Cats. Let's just keep talking...

Here are some more pictures from my drawing experiment:
A cruise ship and some random people drinking on the beach. Duh.

I had a cold one week, so I brought in some lemons to put in the tea I was practically DROWNING myself in.

Drawing hands is pretty easy and usually yields good results.

An orange I was about to eat, and my tape dispenser. MMM...to the tape dispenser, NOT the orange.

The Original...


And my creepy rendition.

More later, yo!

'A day in the worklife' drawings, pt. 1

Hello Everyone!
I came up with a fun blog idea about a month ago. What if, while I was bored at my desk at work, I drew some pictures , and then uploaded them to my blog? Since I am at my desk most of the day, Monday-Friday, and since I am so interesting, people, I reasoned, might be curious about my life experiences. In particular, people, I reasoned, might be curious about my WORK experiences. You all know what I do for funzies, but about what workzies?

I've shared my favorite TV shows with you and let you know why I like the things that I...like. I've filled you in on my busy weekends and vacations. But these are just words. And, these are just words that describe a certain portion of my life. I'm a working girl, and so far you only seem to know about the 'girl' part of me. What about the 'working' part? Furthermore, I thought, some of you might be visual learners. So what if instead of TELLING you, I SHOWED you what I'm seeing?

So, I drew and drew and drew and drew and drew. Then I kind of stopped for a few weeks and then I drew some more. Here are the some of the results.

'A day in the life' drawings, pt. 1:

Where the magic happens, they say


A care bear figurine I tried to draw. Debbie gave it to me. In person it looks much less like an old man who hangs out at parks to try and abduct kids. I swear



A carebear star that I drew to accompany the creepy care bear man
Isn't work just so much better with a can of DIET COKE TM?

A drawing of the file organizers that sit on my desk.

A drawing of the bottom of my computer monitor, complete with G-Chat boxes.

MORE tomorrow!

Why you shouldn't talk to me if you're upset

(you have to click on the image to see it)

Pillows

I wanted my next entry to be a picture companion to my previous post about things that I walked into. I wasn't able to upload pictures to THAT post because google was being lame (I might have broken gmail/google by participating in a 130+ long e-mail message chain yesterday. Not sure. Probably not. But maybe. But eh I don't think so. But maybe.) but then I had to leave work and I don't know, things came up.

But instead, since I'm lying in bed and was inspired earlier today, I decided that I would instead blog about pillows.

***I am no longer lying in bed, I'm at work but just go with it***

I don't know how to set this entry up. Typically, I would try to make some type of pillow-related list but, I really don't think I'm up for that challenge.

Instead, let me free style for a bit:

Section A) pictures of pillows:


Section B) an LOL Catz picture of a dog and a pillow:


Section C) some haiku poems about pillows (you know you love them / did you think they'd never come back? / i'm not that clever)

My dearest pillow
You support my melon head
I'm in love with you

A pillow to hug
Who needs a man anyway?
Wait, that would be me

Body pillow, love
You are so long and comfy
Can't move-call in sick

Pillow-let's just stay
We'll lay this way forever...
Shoot, I have to pee

Pillow-are you drunk?
How did you fall on the floor?
I don't know either

Section D) pillows I would like to own:




Section E) famous historical figure pillow:

Section F) famous historical moments pillow:
And finally, Section G) Adjectives that describe pillows:

Soft
Fluffy*
Comfortable
Awesome
Amazing
Great
Super
Splendid
Divine
Supportive
Special
Easy-going
Rectangular*
Cradling*
Inviting*
Absorbent*

*Reflects adjectives thought of by Kate. You know, my sister.

FIN.

Things I walked into yesterday

I was recently talking to my colleague Michael Gervais. No not the doctor Michael Gervais. Or the Michael Gervais from Sudbury, Ontario, Canada who's on facebook (Sudbury? really?). The OTHER Michael Gervais. The one who I'm helping to become #1 in 'Michael Gervais' Google search results. Look to your right under my featured blogs and you'll see. Geez.

Anyway, have you ever taken an online IQ test? That's what Michael (Gervais) and I were talking about. They're really hard! If finding out what your IQ is is so @#$@#in' hard, then maybe I'm not meant to know what mine is.

Anyway, yesterday was a pretty clumsy day for me. Normal days for me are very clumsy, so for me to specifically have a 'pretty clumsy day' you know it has to be something big. I got two bruises (that I'm aware of), and was just a little bit off.

Do you want to hear about it? Do you? Do you? Huh? Huh?

Things I walked into yesterday:

1) The side of my bed. Well, this is nothing really new...I do this pretty much every day. But just wait...

2) Someone on the subway. I do this pretty much every day too. And technically people aren't 'things' but just wait for the rest of the list...

3) A Chair. The weird part about this is that the bruise is on my ARM. I was bending down to tie my shoe and I moved sideways into a chair that apparently has a sharp corner in it/blade. I didn't know they made chairs that were corner-y enough to bruise but I guess I was wrong.

4) A doorway. Well, I didn't technically walk into the doorway. Technically the door closed on me, and the little door-stopper thing on the bottom hit my ankle. I thought it would be too much if I made another blog today called 'things that closed on me'. Anyway, OW that hurt!

5) Michael Gervais. Gosh, this guy is just everywhere. I stepped out of work yesterday, was minding my own business, and then there he was. Sure he looked sharp, and he was reading some smart kids book (he's in law school! Did you know that?), but for him to just stand in my way like that and practically FORCE me to walk into him is ridiculous! RIDICULOUS MICHAEL, RIDICULOUS!

6) Tom Cruise! It was right after my Michael Gervais spotting. I was like 'Gosh, I hope I make it home in one piece! I'm battered and bruised already...In fact, maybe I should call a cab. But, I don't have money for a cab. Maybe I should go sell some drugs then. Oh but I don't even have drugs! DAMNIT! This sucks!' and then there he was. I walked right into him.

That didn't happen.

7) The pied piper. He was like 'come along with me Becky! All the kids are doing it!' and then he played a little melody on this pipe that went something like 'doo deee dooo do do do do' and I followed him. I didn't want to, but he was just so polite. So polite that I walked into him.

8) You. Why were you in my way?

9) Ewes. What are ewes doing in NYC?!

10) Flight of the Conchords. I was like 'Oh hey Bret. Where's Jemaine?' and then Jemaine walked out on the stoop. And he was carrying this painting of him that I had made and I was like 'Are you throwing my painting away?' and then my husband, Doug, beeped the horn of our car and was like 'Can we go now, honey?' and then Jemaine looked kind of freaked out and was like 'Oh hey Mel'. And then I walked into him.

Oh wait. That wasn't me. I'm not Mel from 'Flight of the Conchords'

BAI