ANOTHER ONE!

Hi Everyone!
I have another fan! AH! You don't know how excited this makes me. Seriously. It's not healthy the way my heart pitter-patter s when I read comments from anonymous people who have somehow stumbled on my blog (Debbie and I were musing: Did you guys find me because blogger recommended my blog to you?). THANKS for reading. Though, as you point out, there hasn't been much to read lately.

What happened was, I got a new job!!!!! YAY!!!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

At my old job, I was less busy...and didn't care...so I had plenty of time to blog. As you might note, lack of caring + no work ---> didn't necessarily mean I was blogging a lot...but I was blogging some. LOOK...just because I wasn't working didn't mean I wasn't BUSY with other things at my last job...like gchatting and online shopping and...facebook.

At my new job though, I'm busy + I care ---> I'm not going to blog there yet. I know. I know. I'm a rule follower. I'm lame. Bla bla. This is WHO I AM! But, like there is a lot of traffic by my desk so, like, people could SEE if I was BLOGGING! That would be bad! I'm on a PROBATIONARY PERIOD! AH!

(this photo offends me. who wears white socks with dress shoes? seriously)
Did I mention that I have free health care at my new job? OH YAYAYAY! I do! Speaking of my gig, here's a topic that will bore all of you but make me happy:

Things about my new job:
1) I have a cubicle. When I was in college I swore to myself that I would never work in a cubicle. I fancied myself an 'en plein air' type of gal who would never give into 'the man' and working in a traditional office. At my last job I had a desk with no real walls which meant that people came to my desk to talk to me all the time (I'm a huge deal, so this shouldn't surprise you). Sometimes, it was nice. But other times, I didn't want to be that popular. With my own cubicle, my back is free for people walking by to see (oh hey!)...but it's a bit harder to approach me. Hard-to-get is the new black in the workplace.

2) I work in a department! I didn't have a department at my old job. Sometimes people would 'claim' me when they wanted me to do things for them, but I was a gypsy...never knowing where I belonged...aimlessly wandering the professional landscape. Now, I have people that are obligated to answer my questions and work on long term things with me. YAY for obligations!

3) I think my boss had an accident when she was younger that resulted in the tip of her (yes, she's a lady boss and not a man boss. She's all you'd ever want, she's the kind you'd like to flaunt and take to din-nahr!..hehe...) finger being cut off and sewn back on. OK, so I have no basis for this really...except that I've noticed that the tip of my boss' middle finger is a different color than the rest of her middle finger AND her other fingers. What crazy shit did she get into that resulted in this? Is she in the mafia? Is she a pirate? OH MY GOD. IS she a pirate?! I will keep you posted.

(This is NOT business professional...tisk)

4) There's this woman, who is in charge of the office's petty cash supply, who doesn't know how to find clothes that fit her. Really...it's very odd. I watch 'What Not To Wear'...so I understand why pants do or don't fit or how blouses can make you look hot or like you're a dolphin. Now, we all know I can be like Sammi Sweetheart on 'The Jersey Shore' (aka, I'm the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet)...but in this case, I'm not just hating on this woman or making fun of her 'HEHE! LOOK AT HER! SHE LOOKS SILLY!'-no). The first day I met her she was wearing a jacket with sleeves that were WAY too big for her...(length-wise and volume-wise)...and I thought she didn't have arms! WTF. I wondered how she could count out cash without arms? I felt bad for her. Arms are pretty necessary for lots of things, not just counting Bens and Abes. The next day she was wearing a short sleeve shirt and...ARMS! She should really get a tailor.

5) My love of pork is preventing me from making friends. I normally eat by myself at my desk and use my lunch hour to walk around and go shopping with money that I don't have (yet). Contrary to the lonerish reputation that I'm making for myself, I actually AM a social person and would love to make some friends. After some gchat discussions, it was decided that I should eat in the kitchen because then even if I'm eating by myself I'm opening myself up to opportunities. But then the next day, I brought leftover twice cooked pork for lunch. The kitchen is Kosherish. 'OK' I said to myself. 'It's fine. I'll eat in there tomorrow'. But then the next day, I went and got a pork sandwich for lunch. 'OK' I said to myself. 'It's fine. I'll eat in there tomorrow'. And then the next day...WTF is my problem? Do I want friends or not?

6) I. HAVE. A. BUILDING. ACCESS. CARD. OHMIGAH! It is so cool! Since I was a young girl I've dreamed of two things professionally: business cards and an access card. When, I wondered, would the planets align and make my dreams a reality? When would the seas part, allowing me to pass through stormy waters and into the light of a new professional horizon? As far as the access card goes, Tuesday, September 14th is the answer to the above questions. A day that will live in history. As far as the business cards...who knows? But, like, whatever. I don't care. Stupid business cards. Stupid! But anyway, the ACCESS CARD is enough for now! I feel mad awesome as I approach my office and know I'm going to whip it out at any second (that's what she said?).

In conclusion, I managed to write another entry about nothing that is intimidatingly long (is that a word). THANKS FOR READING, everyone! (Especially Jason...who, as I predicted, still hasn't read any of this)

Things I've been doing

I've been having a grand 'ol time lately. So grand of an 'ol time that I haven't been blogging. BLAR BLAR BLAR...yes you all get it.

How many times can I start a blog entry detailing how I haven't been blogging lately? I guess you'll just have to wait and see.

Things I've been doing
1) Visiting Kate. God that was already two weeks ago. But I went to visit Kate. You know her? She's kind of related to me...unfortunately...I mean...OH HEY! I made the journey with White Cheez-Its in tow (after an impromptu GChat/Facebook survey revealed that Cheez-Its, and White Cheez-Its in particular, are where it's at) and had a wonderful time. We spent a lot of time lounging and laughing and watching '30 Rock'. Oh and we ate. And we took a walk to the river...

And then we sang songs with the word 'River' in them like 'Old Man River' and 'Cry Me a River'. Oh and then, and then!, we went to the Brew Pub that's down the street from Kate's apartment. I worked on my night cheese whilst sipping oatmeal stout. le sigh

2) Playing with miphone! This things just keeps getting better and better. First it was the phone itself that was exciting. So shiny. Nice screen. Good camera. Now it's the apps that are occupying my time. I'm all up on 'words with friends' (almost too much so...because I'm playing 5 games of scrabble right now and honestly, how can you do REALLY well at something if you're spreading yourself too thin? HOW CAN YOU? maybe a better question to ask is why I'm above cheating? I really want to win one of these sometime) and 'shake'. I also got this awesome app called 'the magic banana'. It's like the magic 8 ball but a banana! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! So you can ask it questions. It says I will be married in the next 5 years. Hear that fellas?


Oh and then I just BOUGHT Bejeweled. I know. I paid for an app. But it's already been worth it.

The only problem I have with miphone is wanting to taking pictures of it with the camera that's included in it. You can't take a picture of something with itself...you know?

3) Watching 'The Golden Girls'. The phase hasn't passed yet. And the situations these ladies get into keep getting funnier and funnier. Oh, Rose!

(My birthday is now in less than two months...so it's not really stupid to mention it yet...and it actually makes sense for me to ask you to buy this for me. I'm just being considerate...giving you enough time to find this shirt and get it... :) )

4) Not sleeping. I have convinced myself, apparently, that I'm a vampire zombie who doesn't need sleep. That's not true at all though. Well, the vampire zombie thing I'm not really supposed to talk about...but I DO need sleep. Typically I should have about 9 hours of sleep to be at my best. What happens then, if I consistently get 6 or 7 hours of sleep? Well...you're seeing the results right now. I really shouldn't a) look at miphone or b) my computer when I get home...but I do...and then I talk to people...and then...it's 12:30 and I have to get up for work at 7.

5) Getting a new job! YES!!!!!!!!!!!! I finally got a new job. FINALLY.

Let's watch this video in honor of the momentous occasion:



I'll be starting in less than two weeks so if any of you want to see me and celebrate with champagne or just drink champagne next to me while I celebrate...or are alcoholics and just need someone to pass the time with...or want to celebrate because it's a day of the week and have an extra bottle of champagne lying around (did I mention champagne?)...let me know!!


6)Going to DC. I might do another entry about it so...I won't go into too much detail.

7) Talking about 'Harry Potter'. Well, I unleashed the beast after I re-read 'Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows' in Cape Cod and now I can't seem to stop talking about Harry and 'Mione and Ronnykins. Add the fact that I'm going to Universal Studios to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in February AND the additional fact that 'Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows' is being released in theaters in December...

Can you really blame me?

Bringing home baby pt. 2

I don't know if I blogged about this...but a couple years ago I finally got an IPOD. Yes. An Ipod. Before this Ipod came into my home, I had a zen touch...by this company called Creative.
I was a little anti-Ipod because, like, they were expensive and...I thought I could get something similar for less money. Well, the zen touch WAS less money...but also broke about 5 months into me getting it (the LCD screen cracked...from the INSIDE...what does that even mean and how did I do that?!) and then Creative wanted to charge me money to fix it...

So I did some research...and I gave up my 'values'...and I settled on mipod. When it came time to download itunes and register mipod I decided to call it Baby. Baby seemed appropriate NOT because I'm a huge 'Dirty Dancing' fan, but because I felt like a parent bringing home a child from the hospital. I'd done a lot of work to get this contraption and now, I told myself, I'd love it like my own.

Baby and I have had some good times.

We're commuting buddies. Sometimes we sleep together. We share stories in the car. We work out together (the like 5 times that I've worked out in recent memory, Baby was there, right by my side) We've been to Honduras together. And DC. And California (oh hey!). And Israel. And Israel. And Israel. And DC. And DC. And DC. And DC. And Philly. And...god is this boring anyone else?

But like most families, there came a time for us to grow.

Enter, my new baby: miphone

Isn't SHE SO CUTE?! GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I want to make that SQUEAKY noise that I make when I see babies or cute animals or glitter. MY HEART WANTS TO BURST OUT OF MY CHEST when I look at it!

But anyway...yeah. It's pretty awesome. Here are somethings that I like about it:

First of all, it's shiny.

Second of all, I bought this adorable case for it that's black and pink right now...but COULD be black and blue (Backstreet Boys what up?!) or black and silver (yeah, that's right friends...the case is interchangeable! SAY WHAT???).

Third of all, it allows me to play games AND send text messages in COLORS (I might even be able to insert pictures into my texts as early as tonight...will keep you ALL posted on that obviously).

Fourth of all, did I mention the games? (If anyone has an iphone and has 'words with friends' let's play scrabble together...preferably if we're actually hanging out so that we can be 'those' people that are sitting together and ignoring each other to play on their phones).

Fifth of all, I can now use my phone in public because I'm not ashamed of it flipping open and being from 2006.

Sixth of all, The camera takes REALLY good pictures! Look at this shot that I snapped yesterday when I was downtown being all hip and New York-er-ish


Seventh of all, I wish I could continue this but I kind of want to go play on miphone. In case you're curious, its name on my computer / in itunes will be Ditto. That's a reference to 'Ghost' / an allusion to the fact that mipod is already named 'Baby'...and miphone is also my baby.

That's more information than any of you care to know / have probably read so on that note...gonna go play with my new BABY. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Ambassador to Bacon

As you all know, I've been looking for a new 'you know what' (don't want to be too explicit in case 'they' find 'this') for a long time. Well, last week, when I was over at Dave's I stumbled upon a new career without even trying.

What's this career you might ask?

Well, excitingly enough, I've appointed myself the Ambassador of Bacon!

It all started last Monday night.

***

I was on my way to Dave's for our weekly art night routine (it's not a club, ok...for those of you who like to make that joke). I was coming from Manhattan and didn't have time to stop home to pick up some food. This meant that, and I think you know where I'm going here, I had to stop to pick up something on my way. What to get? What to get? Shady fish from the fish market? A pita from Pita Pan (have any of my Astoria buddies actually eaten there? The name alone makes me want to go there)? A piece of fruit from the fruit market? I've been meaning to starve myself so maybe a peach would fill me up and help me go down a size.


So many choices. But, as usual, I opted for pizza. I stopped in a pizza place along 30th Avenue and picked up a potato/cheese/bacon slice (*insert Homer Simpson's signature drooling noise here*) and some garlic knots. As I told Debbie last night, there's nothing like a meal of bread with a side of bread.

After I ordered I put my headphones back in, pressed play on that Shakira song I've been basically imbedding in my brain non-stop for the past two weeks (it's the 'Waka Waka -This Time For Africa' song...waka waka ey ey), and continued the journey to Dave's.

Once I got there Odin, my lil' nephew, was all over me. He does that sometimes because a) he loves me and b) he's handsy. I caught up with him for a little bit (Becky: Odin, how was your day? Odin: nom nom gurgle giggle Becky: Oh really? How'd you feel about that? Odin: giggle burp Becky: Fascinating) and then started to eat my pizza.

Odin has this cute habit of wanting to eat everything that everyone else is eating. I was feeling generous so I gave him a piece of my bacon / potato / cheese pizza.


He cheweed.

His eyes bugged out.

He clapped his hands.

He danced.

WOW! Auntie Becky is the f-ing best, man!

I continued to eat my pizza and Odin came over for more. I gave him more pizza.

He chewed.

He clapped his hands.

He gave me 'the eyes' (which is awkward because he's a baby and I'm his Auntie and I don't think he even understands what 'the eyes' are...someone...*hint*Dave*hint*Mara should really teach him not to be so forward).

He was really enjoying this pizza. I looked down at the little bit that I had left in my hands and thought for a second.

Odin's had bread before and as far as I can tell, never been that excited. And Odin's had cheese and potatos. Sure, he likes them...but does he CLAP and hit on people because of those foods? I don't think so!

That left one museworthy ingredient: Bacon.

OH MY GOD.

Odin loves bacon! Has Odin ever had bacon before? It kind of seems like he hasn't. In which case, I, Me, Becky, Auntie Becky, Beck E., Rebecca Estelle, Beckykins, Becks, Bexx (if you know of any other nicknames I might have, please let me know) introduced it to him. I introduced someone to possibly the best food on the planet, I realized.


Could my life have been any more complete at that moment? Probably, I mean, DEFINITELY not.

This is where the Ambassador to Bacon bit comes in. As some of you know, I'm considering a career in social work. This has been a 'far off' idea to me...something I'll do sometime...somewhere...something I'm 'getting to' but don't want to be rushed in to doing. Well, what if my career in social work isn't a far off goal? What if the future IS NOW?

What if my role in life is to bring people what they're missing? What if my job is to patch the holes in peoples' hearts? What if I'm supposd to pick up where Mother Theresa left off? What if my purpose is to be the Ambassador to Bacon?


I could go to schools, hospitals, parks...even the STREET CORNER...and teach people about the wonders of bacon. 'Sorry m'am that salad looks really boring...how about a big piece-o-bacon on top of it?' ...'What are you crying about small child? Take a bit of this!'...'Hey there Monk? Instead of meditating, clog your arteries by eating this tasty treat!'. I could end war and hunger...I could make people happy!

For all of those reasons (and more) and because of my past success, I appoint myself The Ambassador to Bacon. If the Bacon Industry could start sending me samples to pass out to people, and to enjoy myself, I'd really appreciate it. This is a two way street people! I'm not going to do all your dirty work for free.

In Love Again

Word on the street is that I have a very big...

HEART. God, what is wrong with you people? Did you think I was going to say...? First of all, this is a family blog. Second of all, I'm a girl so how does that EVEN make sense?!

I guess I could be a secret tranny.


Anyway, I have a very big heart. Got that? You're so dumb. I hate you! Because of the size of my heart, I am, from time to time, want to fall in love. Sometimes it's with things. Sometimes it's with ideas. Other times it's with people. Mostly the first two, though. I'm not a whore or anything.

Well, it's happened again. Sigh. I'm all in a tizzy and I can barely keep my head straight.


It started on Friday morning. I was gchatting (totez obvi), and I remembered seeing a few dogs recently that had caught my eye. They were pug-like, with big ears, and of course I had no idea what they were called. What was the identity of these MYSTERY dogs that were catching my attention?

I looked on a few dog websites (AS I was chatting...how's that for multitasking?) and found a picture of the dog that was the object of my desires. But, for some reason, there was no name attached to it. WHAT KIND OF CAT-LIKE-DOG WAS THIS?!


I sent a link of the picture to the friends who I was chatting with and asked them if they knew what kind of dog it was? Someone (which one of you was it?) told me it was a french bull dog. I google imaged (google google google...are they paying me for this? they ought to be, ahem.) 'french bull dog' and sure enough, my love was staring at me x 20. I looked at pictures for a little while and then got distracted.

Later that night, I went to see the New York Philharmonic perform in Prospect Park

with my friend, Dave. (HI DAVE! You'll actually READ this and get jazzed that I mentioned your name, and how good looking you think you are in a public forum...unlike some other people I give shout outs to here...um.) We got some bagels (DROOL DROOL DROOL...bagels are just awesome...man) and joined a group of Dave's friends. I heard a panting noise and NOTICED that two of Dave's friends are also proud owners of FRENCH BULL DOGS! OH MY GOD!

I was way too happy about this. I'm not kidding. Ask my good looking friend, Dave. He will verify that my frown turned upside down and I giggled for a lot longer than is normal for someone who isn't eating candy / isn't a baby chasing something / isn't drunk. I was so happy.


During the intermission (because who can really take long intervals of orchestral music without a break, am I right? AM I RIGHT?!), I got to walk each of the dogs on their leashes. It was the happiest I've been in a while (what does that tell you about my current situation?) (what does this parenthetical writing tell you about my current relationship with parentheses?)(what about this one?)...(and this?)...(?).

One of the French Bull Dogs looked like this:

And the other one looked like this:


OMG AREN'T THEY SO CUTE?! THE FIRST DOG HAS EARS LIKE A CAT! AND THE SECOND DOG HAS A TONGUE LIKE CANADIAN BACON (read: ham).

If you're reading, and have great attention to detail, please go out and find those dogs for me. I think their owners live...either in Brooklyn or Manhattan. No need to waste your time in Queens, The Boogy Down, or Staten Island.

If you can't find both dogs, I will, reluctantly, accept one of them. Preferably the black and white one because he doesn't have the loud panting problem that the tan-ish colored dog has.

If you can't find either dog...you really suck at finding things. I gave you pictures and two specific locations. UGH. But seriously, you can buy me a dog for my birthday. It's in three months.

Thanks!

<3

A subway ride to remember

I hung out with Jason a few Tuesdays ago (It's taken me a lot longer to write this entry than anticipated. SHOCKING) We saw a free concert of the band Live (so awesome. so amusing. fortunately for the singer, he's always looked like he was 40...so now that he actually is he still looks good...or at least, ok) at City Winery in the West Village and then walked around the city for 20 years.

Ok
Ok
Ok

You got me. It wasn't twenty years. It might have been more like a long 19.

We ended up at a Venezuelan place in the East Village (read: arepas! ole!), where we shared a delicious empanada and I enjoyed a shrimp and avocado arepa. MMM. I could kind of go for that right now. SHRIMPZZZZZZ

We continued our walk (Jason kept insisting that it was 'pleasant' out. As I sweat through my clothes, I made him look up the temperature on his iphone. It was 97 degrees. Um, Jason...97 is not pleasant. 97 degrees is also not weather where people should be dressed in layers or pants or leggings. Jason wasn't wearing pants or layers or leggings, to be clear, but I just feel like ranting about this a bit. IT's not debatably hot when it's 97 degrees out. It's not weather where you might want to bring a sweater with you, or pack a long sleeve tee incase you get chilly out at night. It's UNIVERSALLY HOT WHEN IT IS 97 DEGREES OUT! WEAR AS LITTLE AS YOU CAN WITHOUT GROSSING OUT PEOPLE AROUND YOU / GIVING AN INDIRECT SEX-ED LESSON TO CHILDREN. Can I get an amen?!). After dinner, I thought I might stop in Trader Joes in Union Square before getting back on the R train to Queens (holla!).

But I didn't stay too long in TJ's because it was too f-ing crowded. Usually if you go to Trader Joes after 9:15 it's pretty quiet. Not that night.


So I walked back to the subway. If it was 97 outside, it was 120 down on the subway platform. Seriously. Ugh. After about 10-15 minutes the R finally came. 'OK', I thought to myself. 'I can cool off, play diner dash on my cell phone, and I'll be home soon'.

Boy was I wrong.

***

(JK...I've always been intrigued by those *'s though).

Well, to start off, I got on the train and noticed that no one was sitting on one half of the car. UM. It seems unlikely that in a hot, crowded city like New York everyone on the R train would suddenly want to sit right next to each other, so I had a feeling something was up.

I looked around at the empty seats and noticed something they all had in common:


Someone had poured water in each of the seats. The clear pools glistened in the heat and, unless you felt like getting your butt wet, rendered the seats useless. Luckily for me, someone had made the mistake of sitting in the water, leaving their bottoms soaked, but that one particular seat water-free. I sat down and appreciated the AC and the emptiness around me.

At the next stop, 23rd st. if you're keeping track, Someone got on the subway and looked around at the empty seats and then, me. They wondered why a cute girl like me, with such great fashion sense and winning charm, was sitting all by my lonesome. Then a glint caught their eye (like a big pizza pie) and they saw that all the seats around me were filled with water. We made eye contact and I saw a flashing thought of 'did that little bitch pour water in all these seats?' go through their mind. But, because of my aforementioned wonderful qualities, they realized I was OBVI innocent. That and my halo



halo
halo

I can see your...

Anyway.

A few stops passed. At 42nd st I noticed two things: three different people got on and without even looking SAT DOWN in the water filled seats. It took a few seconds for them to feel the water that had soaked through their bottoms but when they did, they jumped up. It was pretty amusing to watch. In case you're curious, it takes about three seconds for water to soak through yoga pants, and four seconds for water to soak through blue jeans. Black jeans? Whole other animal ;)

Again, these people looked at me and took me in. They wondered if I was behind the act of trickery. But, the fact that I was listening to my ipod, and half asleep probably steered them away from that conclusion.

It was at that time, at 42nd st, after leaving Union Square around 9:15, that I realized it was 9:40. It shouldn't take 25 minutes to go 4 stops. The Q train was pulling in across the platform, so I decided that I would either take it to 59th st. and try to transfer to another R train, or take it to the Broadway stop and just walk home. I got on the Q train...and it sat in the station.

Flash forward, because this part is really boring, but I basically didn't get to the Broadway stop around 10:30. That's an hour and fifteen minutes that I was on the subway...for what's normally a 35-40 minute ride. And, to conclude the fun, when I got OFF the subway, I wasn't even at my stop since I'd taken the Q to Astoria. So I got to walk 15 additional minutes home.


I have a theory about the subway. If I've spent my time in a good way, if I've taken the opportunities that the universe has offered me, and am where I'm 'supposed' to be when I'm getting on the subway, then the train comes right as I'm going down to the platform. I hop on and an home quickly.

But, if I go astray, maybe I don't go to an event I was supposed to, or I go shopping and I probably shouldn't have gotten a new dress, I wait and wait and wait on the subway platform. I feel it is a way of the Universe punishing me. Yes, this is kind of paranoid / REALLY stupid, but it's who I am.

According to this theory then, I basically killed a guy that Tuesday night, and also spit in a baby's face, and also pulled a nun's hair and stiffed a waitress on a tip and stole from orphans.



In conclusion, be rich so you don't have to take the subway.

Something funny

I read a lot of blogs that are awesome and funny. I enjoy reading things that creative people have written because, in a way, they remind me that most people are good and humanity isn't completely f-u-c-k-e-d.

I've probably mentioned it to you personally, and if I haven't, I don't claim any originality in this, but I do enjoy the blog: www.hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com a lot. I also came across a new blog, thanks to my AWESOME sister, Kate: http://stuffnoonetoldme.blogspot.com. That blog is called 'Stuff No One Told Me But I Learned Away'. Many useful lessons in there, guys. Also, many awesome pictures! You know I love pictures, right?

The reason I'm bringing these blogs up is because, I admire them. I find them really funny. How do these people come up with these GREAT jokes AND pictures? How do they get more than 6.5 people to read their blogs? (Though, I would like to say as an aside, that I apparently have 5 followers of my blog now, 4 of whom I don't know personally. I also got a comment on the entry about DEADMA from someone who I don't know. I will call this person my third fan. HI THIRD FAN! Thank you for reading my blog AND commenting on it! You are many steps ahead / many rungs above my 'friends' who I communicate with in person or via gchat or facebook or carrier pidgeon who can't take time out of their 'busy' schedules to read this blog and comment on it. THIRD FAN, you are a star!)

I really don't know. If I knew what was popular and funny I would 150 % say or do those things. I would mold myself into a product that people would like. I would lose my identity just for the sake of others' enjoyment. I would...

No wait. I wouldn't do any of those things! I'm not a sell out. Sure I'm a second away from putting ads on this blog, and right now I'm carrying an IPAD, and wearing jeans that look like they're from the salvation army but were actually $200 at a boutique in Williamsburg...and...I can't think of anything else that involves selling out off the top of my head. Oh maybe something with a kindle? But then I already mentioned the IPAD. TOO MANY CHOICES!


So what do you guys find funny?

Maybe I can just tell you a story. So a guy a Rabbi, a Priest, Jason Preastley, David Lee Roth, Method Man and Red Man, and Lynn Redgrave are walking down the street. The guy, who's just a layman (obviously, or I would have given him an official title like the Rabbi and Priest, or told you his name like Jason Preastley, David Lee Roth, Method Man, Red Man and Lynn Redgrave), slips on a banana peel. As he's slipping, David Lee Roth (jokester that he is...am I right or am I right?!?!?!), pulls out a smirnoff ice.


'You've been ICED!,' David Lee Roth says to the guy. The guy, whose face is severely scratched (he has bad reflexes and didn't catch himself before he hit the ground), takes the ice and gulps it down.

Then...someone knocks on a door nearby. Knock knock, the person says. Then she puts on a banana suit.

'Who is it?' asks Lynn Redgrave.

'A banana'

'A what?'

The woman clears her throat. 'A banana'

Red Man and Method Man get pissed at this point. 'HURRY UP OLD BITCH! WHY YOU TAKIN' SO LONG?!'

'Pardon me, but someone is knocking at the door! Wouldn't be rude not to answer? Yes, yes it would. Who's there?'

At this point, the woman in banana suit has changed into an orange costume.

'Orange. Orange you glad I didn't say banana again?'

In conclusion, I can't be funny on purpose. I don't know why I wrote this entry...but maybe one of you laughed for a second.

In another conclusion, would you guys want to attend an ICING party? At the party there would be cupcakes with icing on them, people would wear ICE (doesn't need to be real, duh), and we'd all ice each other. I'm thinking it could be a theme for my 25th birthday...but so far every person I've told thinks it's a bad idea. Is all my invitees not liking the theme of a party I'm going to hold reason enough to change my idea if I think it's funny? Is there a better way to word that last sentence? Man that sentence looks weird.

In another conclusion, hos can totez ice hos. I don't care what the F you bros say.