Things I like about mahjong

I left work yesterday with a coworker of mine. As we (awkwardly?) walked to the subway together (no it wasn't really awkward...except for when I tried to chase him off the subway...and he was like 'UM...you need to go one more stop to get to Times Square' and I was like 'haha! Well, obviously I'm following you!' and then the lady was like 'DOORS CLOSING'. OOF.)

I asked him about his evenings plan. He said, I think (I have a problem with listening...), that he didn't have any. Or maybe something about a concert or a food-tasting event? Or walking his dog? cat? ferret? (that's a rodent-like animal, Michelle...not a bird.) He asked me about mine and I said, with a twinkle in my eye, 'Oh, well, my friend is coming into town and then I'm hosting mahjong at my apartment'.


He seemed surprised. 'You play mahjong?,' he asked.

'Yup'.

'Do you do that ironically or something?'

'I assure you," I said, "that nothing I do is ironic [because I don't know what that means, exactly, despite having multiple conversations on the subject][these brackets represent words that aren't said in a conversation, but are implied, right?]

As I continued on my journey, I thought about how happy I was and how excited I was to be heading to collect Michelle, my alien friend ( don't worry - she gets it all the time), and to be playing mahjong (background: last summer at Jason's birthday party, Debbie and Michelle and Bri started talking about how their moms used to play mahjong all the time. It came to light that Bri and Michelle were in possession of mahjong sets. A few beers later and the three of them decided to set up a mahjong group. A beer later I had invited myself along because a) I like organized activities and b) I like games and c) I like planning things in advance and d) I was drunk).

Things I like about mahjong
1) Funny name. Mahjong. Mahjong. Mahjong. Keep saying it. That'll occupy you on a rainy afternoon.

2) Tiles. The feel of the tiles against your palm / fingers ( depending on how you hold them I guess?) is really nice. They're so square and substantial. They have pretty pictures on them. They make a clacking noise when they land against the table. You know? anyone? hi? h? ?

3) Snacks! Well...I guess snacks aren't an official part of mahjong, but in our group, they might as well be. From cheese plates, to pretzels, to homemade desserts and veggie platters...we take our snacks very seriously. It's nice sharing cheese with others because about the aftermath of buying a block of cheese and eating it all by myself. Sharing cheese with friends is better. Wait...am I still talking about mahjong?

4) I forgot to mention that we also have wine!

5) The game! Well, the game is pretty fun, and something that I like about mahjong. This might seem fairly obvious but, you never know. The game is strategic and involves passing tiles (see above) and using patterns and mixing tiles (also, see above)...it's kind of complicated, but the rush of a win! WOO! FORGEDDABOUTIT

6) The irony? No. I already told you that I don't know what that means!

7) My Jewish / Asian roots. Playing mahjong helps me to connect to my nanas of yore and allows me to prolong the lie that instead of being a 25-year-old SWF, I'm actually a 10 year old girl living in Shanghai. I like that.

A loss in the family

There's one main reason that I haven't blogged lately. But before we go into it, let's go back. Waaaaaaaaaaaay back.

I went to a magnet elementary school (yes, this is going to connect to the title of this blog post somehow). From my experience I can gather that a magnet school, elementary or otherwise, is a public school option, requiring a lottery selection to be able to enroll, and resulting in special classes like 'problem solving'

(where we did exercises like this:

FIG. A (what was handed out)


FIG B. (what I'd hand back)


)
and 'drama' and 'dance' alongside other, more standard classes like 'math' and 'reading' and 'gym'. At my magnet school (which was called Westover, in case you're curious, and had a mascot of a...Crocodile? or something? Alligator?...even though we were all too busy dancing around to play sports seriously/have a team) we focused on individual learning styles (um...mine was 'abstract random'...telling, isn't it?) and let's not forget the 'thinking talents'.

Kate, Josh, anyone else from Westover, if you read this, tell me if I got this right. So, we did these things in elementary school, I think to introduce and then conclude units, called 'thinking talents'. When we were younger (relatively, of course, since 5th grade seems 'old' in elementary school but is still young in the grand scheme of, I don't know, life?!) we'd sit on the colorful carpet and come up with 'many, varied and unusual words to describe the sun' or 'the rain forest' or 'poems' or things like that. The list, at the beginning of the unit, would usually be short, because, I mean, we hadn't learned about it yet! But, by the end of the week or two of rain forest themed learning, when we would revisit 'the thinking talent' list we'd generated, we'd have so much more to say! So, we would sit, in a group, and do it again.

Now, the reason I bring this up is because we're going to do a short thinking talent here. List many, varied and unusual reasons why I haven't been able to blog.

GO!

If you've talked to me recently, you might know of a certain SOMEONE, who has really been bugging me, who I see regularly...not when I'm out for fun or at my apartment...think about it...think about it...

Well, this person, should be at the top of your thinking talent lists because they're the reason I haven't blogged. I just...haven't had TIME! And the time I have had I've needed to just sit and be sloth-like so I can recharge the 'ol batterinos. Life is tough for me. Whine Whine. Wine? Yes, please!

Now, the real subject of this blog, has to do with a recent loss that I...didn't really 'suffer'...but...went through.

You might recall that the day after my 25th birthday party (NICKELODEON THEME - WHAT'S UP?!), I got my ears pierced. I got a third hole in my ear lobe, because, I WAS FEELING SO RECKLESS AND Cr@zY but also because my first and second holes were very close together which made it really hard (tear) for me to wear two sets of earrings at the same time, which, DUH, is the reason you get more than one hole!

Kate took me to Claire's, because even though I had celebrated my 25th birthday the night before, I was turning 16. The lady? girl? woman? (you know I have a hard time with that) was friendly and funny. We chatted as she dotted my ear for the prospective earring hole. I inspected her work in the mirror and agreed to the location of the piercing. I was wiped down with antiseptic (and pudding. too soon?), bam!, bam! and then done.

I was really happy with the piercings. They were in the PERFECT location and I mused about all the possibilities in life. I can do anything I set my mind to! I can be a lawyer! I can adopt kids from one of the Dakotas and raise them like they're my own! I can wear danglies, and studs, and studs, and STUD (I have one cartilage piercing) ALL AT ONCE! AH! EEP! EEK!

But then, I could tell, something was off. The scar tissue never quite went away from the piercing. And my ears were constantly getting funky (not in a good way if you know what I'm sayin'). I continued to clean them long after the 6 week acclamation period...hoping that if there was dirt or some type of infection inside I'd be able to take care of it.

But it didn't work. And so on Monday, I took the piercings out. By Monday night, they were closed up.

(Any move with Randy Quaid has to be good, right?)

So, now, I want to ask you to join me in a moment of silence for my long-lost, but not forgotten, third piercings. They were born with potential and hope. But, they got lost along the way and now we have to say 'goodbye'. I wasn't prepared for this. I don't know if I'll ever completely move on (but then again, what parent does?). But, I had to do what was right. I had to shut the door, close the holes (holes is kind of a gross word, isn't it?), and now I have to sink in my heels to deal with this loss.

I'll pierce again, but it will never be the same. A part of me is lost. Actually...that's not true. I did gain this weird bump on my ears where each of the piercings were...uh...why did I choose to include that and why am I not deleting it now?

BYE!

[insert thoughtful moment of silence here]

I won't let it be a month since my last post!

OH GOSH. I might have actually been too busy to write a blog entry this time...as opposed to just too lazy or preoccupied to write one.

WOOF - is that your girlfriend?

So, things have been, you know, going on.

I went to Bamboozle a few weekends ago. Didn't run into Ryan Gosling, but did have a bit of an existential crisis about how I'm too old to like the music that I like and how I need to find new music but where and what and who am I and what does it all mean?!

Mother's Day came and went. I did a family brunch/lunch in Astoria to celebrate. Wine cocktails are a new thing for me - nomz.

Caitlin was in town last weekend visiting from Espana. She brought me a Spanish love-witch figurine dealie that was blessed by a lady in her town. I'll report back on any changes that result in my day-to-day life as a result of the figurine dealie.

And now, here I am. My boss is going out of town soon (YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) so will have more time to write then.

xoxo

Why I want to be like Oprah

So, I've had some days off work recently for Passover (chag sameach?). MINI-VACA anyone? Well, except it wasn't EXACTLY mini-vacation'y. There was a lot of traveling in the car involved. And celebrating Passover makes me feel like a ton of bricks. Plus, I didn't get to sleep that late. And I went to the dentist and he wasn't nice to me. Does this seem weird to any of you:

So, I go to the dentist and...as he's prodding my mouth (that's what she said? did you think I was over that joke? FALSE) and spitting water in my face (the 'that's what she said' just gets better, doesn't it?)...I try to make a bit of small talk and say something like 'oh, are my wisdom teeth impacted?'...and he ignores me...and then, at the end of the appointment, he sends me to the reception desk

*(By the way, he was the receptionist in his own office...awkward?. I saw this guy sitting at the desk when I first walked in that morning. He took my insurance information, and wasn't friendly...shockingly. I didn't think anything of it until later on when that same guy came into my little room with a doctor's coat on. I was confused and thought maybe all middle-aged, white guys look the same?)*

to check out and as I get up from the chair he adds, casually, 'You have cavities. So you'll go get your wisdom teeth out and then come back here to get them filled.' He also called me m'am. I'm a MISS if ever there was one!

When did this turn into whinefest?

But, the time off, afforded me some nice opportunities. I was able to walk around and see TWO CELEBRITIES (OMG OMG OMG) on Tuesday, and also take an epicly long, 2 hour nap.

And, I was able to watch about...7 'Oprah'/'Oprah's 25th Season Behind the Scenes' show episodes. WOW. That is a lot of Oprah. And yet, I could totally come back for more.

Why I want to be like Oprah:

1) My last name is really cumbersome. I'd prefer to just have people call me by my first name, Highness, like people call Oprah by her first name, Oprah.

2) Sweatpants to work. Some of you have worked with me or DO work with me now. Or some of you just know me and understand that I have made it my life's work to be wearing sweatpants / getting away with wearing sweatpants at all times. Remember the infamous 'pajamas to work' incident of 2009? I still would say it was a dress and yoga pants but, whatever. Anyway, on her behind the scenes show, Oprah is basically wearing sweatpants all the time. And as she sashays around the office in juicy track pants, people bow down to her and give her no grief. AMAZING!

3) She said every day is like her birthday. Yes. On one of her behind the scenes shows, Oprah said that she's not big into her birthday because growing up she didn't celebrate it. However, now that she's an adult, and like, a billionaire, and has her dream job, and gets to eat whatever she wants (she didn't say those things explicitly but...it was implied), she feels like every day is her birthday. OH WOW. I love my birthday! Presents! Cake! An excuse for drunkenness / get-out-of-jail-free card for anything that results because of aforementioned drunkenness!

Sign me up!

4) She's the boss. I am kind of tired of being everyone's assistant and having to do EVERYTHING that EVERYONE tells me to do...regardless of how silly it is. I'd much rather be the ridiculous person placing demands on people (like Oprah). 'Let's all go vegan!' 'OK!'

5) She's rich. Yeah, money doesn't solve problems. It also doesn't grow on trees. And when you throw it on the ground it's called 'making it rain', which, makes it seem like you're an almighty and powerful being. That being said, couldn't hurt to have a little bit of it. Or a lot bit of it like Oprah.

6) She gets to buy people presents. Well, to be fair, I get to buy people presents, too. Though, I normally word it along the lines of 'have to buy people presents'...uh. Love all of you! YAY! When I buy people things, though...there's some budgeting involved, and I usually have to go out and pick it up myself and it's a one-at-a-time kind of deal. But Oprah, no way. She gets to buy people (yes, more than one!) presents all the time, and receive praise from the people she buys gifts from, and not have to break the bank while doing it. And she probably has other people pick up the giftS for her. LEISURE <3 Can you say 'living the dream?'. You can't. ?. I'll look up a speech pathologist...weird.

7) Everyone loves her. Well, not everyone. Hillary hates her, which, I think, is the definition of ironic though I, like Jamie, can't be sure. But most people love her. And when you love Oprah, you tell Oprah you love her. I might have secret admirers (probably not, but I like to pretend) which, I guess, is nice? Someone's out there potentially pining after me? (If you are, you should just say something but) But, does it do me any good if someone/something's out there thinking about how awesome I am but not doing anything about it? Not really. Write a song about me! Send me poems! Carve my image in marble! SOMETHING!

UM...this has taken an interesting turn. But, anyway...when people love Oprah they tell her and she basks in it. I would love to bask in the love of others for me as well.

8) Teaching. I'm not sure if I want to be a teacher, but it seemed like adding this to the list would make me less of a jerkfacepantz.

In conclusion, there's a slim chance of this happening but stay tuned!

HOT YOGA

OOF. I did hot yoga the other day for the first time.

Have you all heard about it? It's something that people who have disposable income and lots of toxins like to do. I guess I'm one of those people now.

My roommate Laura had asked me if I wanted to go to hot yoga a few months ago. Well, actually, maybe she didn't ask me if I wanted to go? Maybe she just mentioned to me that she was going with one of her friends and I implied an invitation. Awkward?

Well anyway, even if she had invited me, I wasn't ready to go. The idea of yoga + sweating in front of strangers didn't seem appealing to me. I can't imagine why..

Fast forward a few months when my co-worker, Sandy, also mentioned hot yoga. Is this boring anyone yet? I'm unsure about Laura, but I'm 100% sure that Sandy mentioned hot yoga to me and THEN also asked me if I'd want to go with her.

People invite me to things sometimes! I AM SO COOL.

I was unsure but then, remembered lots of conversations I've had with lots of people, about how I'm like, you know, SOOOO open-minded and will try anything once (yes, anything - shove it - gross). And, I got to thinking.

I'm many things. I'm super awesome and adorable. I'm literate. I'm left-handed. I'm randomly clean. I'm thoughtful. I'm funny (? right?) and self-assured (get that joke?). One thing I am not, though, is an intentional hypocrite. Sure, things happen and like, I told you I HATE that guy you're dating, and then the next day I'M making out with him (what up tequila shots!). And, there was that time I was totally against cotton blends and now it's all I can wear. And let's not forget Japan...
...but, those things were accidents!

I pride myself on a) being a nice person who, when given the chance, will usually do the 'right' thing (an entry on my personal set of morals and ethics is coming soon! JK. no one wants to hear about that, which is something that personally bothers me and I find offensive, but anyway...)

So, for the sake of not making myself look like an asshole, I told Sandy I'd go to hot yoga with her. If I didn't go with her, I reasoned, people might find out that I actually won't try EVERYTHING ONCE, and then, when I used that line in conversation in the future, I worried, people might call me a hypocrite.

And I went because I thought it'd be fun and I'd enjoy spending time with Sandy and blahbity other things.

Sandy was cute enough to invite me via her google calendar (which automatically updates on my iphone...go figure), and we went for the first time two weeks ago.

HUH.

So, have any of you, besides Laura, and Jamie, and Giuliana done hot yoga?

It was an experience. Whatever boundaries I have, were shut down. Sweating in front of strangers? Eh, it happened. Sticking my butt, essentially, in someone's face while being sweaty? All over it. Staring at myself in the mirror, unabashedly, while surrounded by peers? I was all up in that business (please note, I look at myself in the mirror or my phone ALL THE TIME...but I usually am a bit ashamed about it or try to pretend like I'm involved in something more serious).

The class was 90 minutes. The temperature was 105.

For those of you who have known of me or been friends with me since 2008, you might recall July and August of that year. Jamie, Larry and I did not have an air conditioner that summer for...I can't even think of a reason. It was broken? Or, the slot in the wall for the air conditioner (an aside - why the hell do they do that in New York City? Hole in the wall air conditioners are awkward and expensive. Sure, New Yorkers don't mind awkward, but penny-pinchers are we!) was a weird size so we couldn't find something to fit in there?

Anyway, the point of this is that, if you hung out with me when it was 100 degrees during the summer of 2008, in the rare moments that I was able to escape from my third-floor oven and unglue myself from the couch, you know that it wasn't ideal/pretty/like I was a human. It just...GOD. WAS SO HOT IN THERE! And then, as I sweat through my clothes and lacked the motivation to move, I became angry and unable to string sentences together. I showered in the morning, in the afternoon, and at night. I only felt comfortable talking to Jamie because she knew what I was going through.

I completely sweat through my clothes, but surprised myself in that I was able to hold some of the poses and didn't fall on my face once. I even, after class, chatted with some people WHILE my face was still red and I probably reeked. Normally I avoid people when I feel that I'm not at my best (well, except for when I'm drunk...in which case I seek out people I should probably be avoiding...uh), but toxin-free I felt liberated and like I could and would do anything!

I killed a guy on the subway ride home!

ha
ha
ha

In conclusion, you should try everything once because a) you might end up liking or b) it can help you figure out what you're allergic to.

Bringing home baby pt. 24?

HEY! Happiest of Tuesdays to ya (imagine I said that in a Leprechaun voice. Does Leprechaun need to be capitalized?)!

Except, as far as Tuesdays go, this hasn't been super great. Well, I couldn't find my mascara this morning, and I have light eyelashes, and therefore can't really wear eye makeup without wearing mascara. And, I lost my metrocard (sorry to anyone I've actually SPOKEN to today since this seems to be all I'm capable of talking about)...which was an unlimited card and had only been used for 7 days. And, it's raining and you all know how I feel about carrying things / what humidity does to my hair.

But, you know, onward and upward. It's not THAT serious.

You know what is serious, though? A recent bid I made on ebay that resulted in a recent purchase I made through paypal (That is awkwardly still processing...why?)

I feel a little embarrassed bringing it up because I'm not 12, and we've gone through this before. But, it looks like I'm going to be a parent again!

First, I told you guys about my ipod that I got THREE YEARS AGO (omg! SO LONG AGO, right?!). And then I told you about...probably some other things...huh. And then I told you about miphone. OH YEAH...and then there was my facebook baby, Jewish. And my facebook pet, Pampz. Not in that order, but whatever.

But anyway, MOMMY BECKY! YAY!

To what, you might be wondering? An actual baby? NOT IN YOUR LIFE. Well, not that there's anything wrong with babies. In fact, they're kind of adorable. And really smushy. And light weight (read: easy to carry). But, I'm not ready to take care of another human for more than a few hours at a time. I like naps too much and am cheap.

As far as actual pets go, they are forbidden in my apartment / I don't ever want to have to leave happy hour early to go walk something and pick up poop off the ground that doesn't belong to me and isn't the result of a Chipotle burrito.

With that being said, I'm going to become a parent to a Tamagotchi that I DEFINITELY overpaid for on ebay and probably will get bored with in a few weeks. A TAMAGOTCHI. Remember them? Remember 4th grade? It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

I'm looking forward to a portable pet that I can bring out with me, and play with when the people that I'm with are boring me (I'm talking about any of YOU of course. It's all my other friends that are boring. You know, the ones who don't read this).

I'm looking forward to killing an animal without being arrested (too soon? jk?) . I'm looking forward to having another COOL keychain on my house keys! Actually...it probably wouldn't be a good idea to have the tamagotchi on my keychain with my house keys. It could get scratched. I wonder if they sell screen protectors?

In conclusion, I am apparently having a quarter-life crisis that involves: buying virtual pets circa 1997, eating candy for breakfast, taking 5 weeks to read a book, and losing my metro card (Yup. I'm mentioning it again. What are you going to do about it, huh?)

Dating and dealbreakers

HELLO. It's a cold yet sort of humid Thursday. The kind of day that makes you feel glad to be alive...or something.

But seriously, at least we're all alive right?

*Tap*

OK! GOOD!

I have talked about some things in this blog...and not talked about some other things. And mostly, I consider it a topical and light read. And for that reason, and because I have no idea who's reading this, I try not to mention too many personal things, and try not to compromise my safety and coolness.

What's that? I don't have any coolness to compromise? Harty Har Har. What, are you a comedian or something? *Brandishes a lead pipe*

Maybe you're right.

But something that I talk about a lot, and actually, you know, do occasionally, maybe not now, or maybe now, is date.

Dating can be fun. Do any of you date? I mean, for girls, it's an excuse to get gussied up and probably get a free drink (what's up, women's lib?). And for guys it's an excuse to wear that new shirt your mom bought you for your birthday.

And for both parties, it's an excuse to talk about yourself and have someone either a) listen or b) pretend to listen which is c) more than you can say for a lot of people. And you laugh, and you twirl your hair (again, I'm not saying that I'm doing any of these things...just speculating in general from things I might have done before or heard), and you get another drink, and you keep laughing, and looking around, and thinking 'God, I look so GOOD today'. And you check your phone because if you're smart you've told a friend where you are and also told them to PLEASE check up on you.

And you think 'I have a person that's interested in me, and they're cool, too. And I have a friend who's willing to text me to make sure I'm OK and not being cut into pieces and shoved in someone's freezer right now. My life is pretty good'.


But sometimes, if you go on dates, which I'm not saying I have or have not done recently, they're also horrible. Sometimes, the other person, might be late. Or sometimes they might be REALLY BORING (yawnfest20/yawnfest19---insert year that you went on the date). Or sometimes they might be jerks or b-bombs or k-words (no that's not really a 'thing'). Or sometimes they cut out and stick you with the check (this hasn't happened to me, on the dates I might or might not have gone on...but I've heard stories). Or sometimes, they could even be wearing these sneakers or these sandals, which, are my deal-breakers (I won't joke or divert attention from this. DEAL. BREAKER.):

Fig A.

Fig B.

Or sometimes, they just don't show up! Which, if they're going to be a b-bomb or k-word (no, it's still not a 'thing'), might be for the best. However, you can't say for sure unless they take the time out of their "busy" (but aren't we all "busy"?) schedules to meet with you.

Those things being said, punctuality, and planning ahead are two big things for me...when I'm dating...if I do that. And, I do date guys...but tried to keep the previous section pretty open just in case someone who's reading this has preferences that are different than mine.

I'd like to share with you the following message that may or may not have been received by me, now, or a week ago, or five years ago. Keep in mind, if this came, it was a day somewhere around Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday.

'Hey, I can't say for sure if next Sunday will work. That's too far in advance, and I can't gauge what I'll be doing then'

OK. Really? This person is SO spontaneous that they can't 'gauge' what they will be doing in 10 days? Or more like, this person is involved in some Big Love-esque arrangement and can't gauge which one of his ladies he'll be with that day. Or more like, he's a tard. Or more like, really? Or more like, he's not the one for me...I mean, if this message had come to me...am I making myself clear?

What I'm trying to say is that dating, when you do it, helps you learn about yourself. And I have learned this about myself: a) I like to plan things b) I like people who like to plan things and c) follow through with them. I've learned more, too, but again, can't be too specific in here or compromising. And, it's lunch time and I kind of want to wrap this up before I go get my tomato soup on at Cosi (hey Hillary - *giggle*)

In conclusion, if you're dating, good luck out there! It's a stormy sea...