Things that happened on Staten Island...

Hi Everyone! I'm back! You can put down the phones and stop calling 9-1-1. I know you really missed me and were worried and really, that's sweet. But no need to panic.


Recently I went on a trip to Staten Island. I know. But luckily I came back in one piece...


Staten Island is pretty controversial. Some people think it shouldn't be part of 'the city' (why do we need a fifth borough anyway? says the girl from Queens...). Others think it should be imploded and left to sink. Still others actually live there.


And yet, we still ventured over there one fine weekend afternoon. My heart was p-p-p-ounding in my chest, my palms were sweaty and I was really hungover. I boarded the ferry (FYIzies, it's orange. weird right? I guess orange is coming back or something because last night Hillary Clinton was wearing an orange power suit when she gave her address to the Democratic Convention) and then...


Things that happened on Staten Island:

1) We took the bus. The bus in Staten Island is kind of like any other MTA bus...except some seats are REALLY hot and other seats vibrate too much and still other seats have garbage on them. Very nice.

2) I got made fun of. This normally happens to me. I think it's because I'm SO NICE and CUTE and AWESOME that people are jealous of me and feel the need to bring me down to their level. Or maybe it's because I respond to teasing and make a good victim. I mean, either or. Anyway, the person who made fun of me was a guy on the bus (see above) wearing plaid shorts AND a fanny pack. Is a person who lives on Staten Island and wears plaid shorts with a fanny pack REALLY in a position to make fun of me? I don't think so but I guess only God can be the judge.


Incase you're curious, he made fun of me because I said that I might be bringing a bunt cake to a dessert party. Bunt cakes are REALLY fun...I refuse to admit otherwise. HMPH!

3) I had really delicious pizza! Well, that was the whole reason we went to Staten Island. For Pizza. We went to this great place called...something and had VODKA SAUCE PIZZA! AND PESTO PIZZA! and ORIGINAL PIZZA! It was great! And it wasn't too expen$ive either. Not too $habby $taten I$land. Not too shabby.

4) I discovered that Jason was afraid of fish. I've never heard of such a thing...but now the whole 'not getting sushi at food emporium' thing makes sense. If I were mean I'd put a picture of a fish in here...
But I'm not. Though it probably wouldn't really matter because Jason doesn't read this anyway. SNAP! I WENT THERE! I DID IT! WHAT?!?!?!

5) I realized that Staten Island kind of looks like Connecticut. It does!

6) I realized that Staten Island has a zoo. It does!

7) I had my mind blown. Jason asked Rebecca if she would want to take cookies from a popular bakery, blend them, and have them poured on her. Right? When probed later (that's what she said!) Jason said he was just trying to make conversation. I might not be Molly Manners but I don't think that's how you get people to talk to you...

In short, Staten Island was very enjoyable and DESPITE getting made fun of, having my mind blown, and sitting on uncomfortably HOT bus seats while there, the fact that it's almost like Connecticut and has delicious pizza makes me think that it belongs in New York City after all.


CHEERS TO STATEN ISLAND!

Things I like about money

As a Jew, I think about money a lot. OK, maybe that's not fair. Jews aren't the only people that think about money. Everyone thinks about money sometimes.

Haha, ok ok. I'm lying. We all know that no one thinks about money more than Jewish people. ! If a Jewish person were to write a blog about things they were thinking the entry would have something to do with a) money b) bagels c) lox and d) eating Christian babies.


Oh that's really awkward...cuz my 'Things that I'm thinking' blogs don't usually involve any of those things. It's like I'm not really Jewish or something...


Anyway, as if money weren't always on my mind, this morning I was g-chatting Erin and the following convo ensued:

Erin: I'm angry
Becky: Why? You never get angry. Is everything OK? This is really, really, really NOT like you...
Erin: No tengo dinero!
Becky: But why not?
Erin: *Sound of glass shattering in the background* I don't know. (Yes, you can now hear sounds on GChat...you didn't know that? Get with it. Also, since you're apparently REALLY behind Obama's running mate is Joe Biden. Yeah. From Delaware).


I told Erin that I would blog about her situation and about money. So here I go:

Things I like about money
1) Green. Green's one of my favorite colors...which you should already know since I mention that in every other blog entry.

2) Helps me to buy things. I'm not in debt yet, but that doesn't mean that I don't have a huge shopping problem. I can't go a week without getting some type of bonus item for myself (like my stuff from IKEA, or the sneakers that I ordered online about a month ago, or the dresses I keep purchasing from catalogues or the comedy club ticket that I bought this past weekend). Much like a car needs gas to keep running, I need money to keep my shopping addiction going.

3) That Abba song. You know the one that goes 'Money, Money, Money, must be funny, in a rich man's world...'?

4) Helps me to stay off the street. One of the best things I do with money is that I pay for my rent with it. As my prissy-ness rises to an unprecedented level, the reality that I would never survive as a homeless person rings strongly through my head and in my heart. Therefore, it's good that I have money and can pay my rent so I don't die on the streets. *Please note, I still think that I could take all of you in a fight so don't misinterpret what I'm saying*


5) No paper cuts. Have you ever gotten a paper cut from a dollar bill? I don't think so.

In short, I'm upset for Erin that she's not as rich as I am. How are we supposed to go jewelry shopping together if she doesn't have any money? And how are we supposed to get mani/pedis together and drink goldshlager if she's poor?

But seriously, I am sad. Really. I am. And that's why I wrote this entry about why I like money...to...um...mock her?

An afterthought

Do you think CARVEL will give me a FREE ice cream cake if I mention their name enough?

CARVEL CARVEL CARVEL CARVEL...hm. That just seems weird.

Maybe a little poem: There once was a man from Carvel who had lots of Carvel to sell, He was a great guy, Carvel Carvel-uy, so he got a free cake from Carvel.

PLEASE?!

Things I like about ice cream cake (by Carvel)

Today was a special day at work. Why you ask? Because we got ice cream cake. What kind of ice cream cake? CARVEL ICE CREAM CAKE!

(I don't know who Matt is but I'm sure he enjoyed this delightful treat)

I know! I know! I had to stop myself from jumping up and down in excitement when I saw it, gleaming, on the conference room table at the staff birthday party! People here, I guess I could call them my "colleagues", already think I'm weird. I spend my time drawing butterflies over and over again on pieces of paper and making inappropriate jokes in G-Chat. I figured that jumping up and down like a 5 year old school girl at recess wasn't the best idea.


But I digress...
As I sat eating this delicious treat I couldn't help but wonder 'what is it that makes this cake so great? I mean, I would practically KILL A GUY for this cake...but why?'

Things that I like about ice cream cake (by Carvel):

1) Chocolate. Chocolate is awesome. I think so. A lot of other people think so. Some people, like Erin and Debbie, think chocolate is SO great that they will only eat desserts that have chocolate in them/only consider something a TRUE dessert if it has chocolate in it.

2) Vanilla. Each yin (chocolate) must have its yang (vanilla).


3) Cookie crumbs. Possibly the best part of an ice cream cake (by Carvel) are the cookie crumbs. They add texture and depth to something that's already...like...deep. You know?

4) Frosting. Anything with frosting, in my book, is commedable. And no I don't really have a 'book'. It's a figure of speech, ok? I mean, I have part of a book if you count the novel I started writing last November. No I haven't worked on it since then. Shutup!

5) Cake. Do I need to explain?


6) Melts. Now, this might seem like a bad thing. Melting is messy and annoying, but not when it comes to ice cream cake (by Carvel). Melting makes ice cream cake even MORE enjoyable because it gives you an excuse to shove the cake down your throat without feeling embarassed. "No I'm not a pig! My cake was melting!".

Forward Roll...

Good afternoon ladies and gentleman, distinguished guests, members of the faculty and you. Today we're going to be discussing a new phenomenon in the outskirts of society. What is this phenomenon you ask?

The forward roll.

Figure 1: As a social scientist and trend setter I have jumped on the forward roll bandwagon without hesitation. And what a wild ride it has been!


Figure 2:

Before the forward roll was discovered or even "invented", I have much difficulty thinking about how I expressed myself during times of extreme embarrassment. Did I simply blush and turn away? Did I run out of the room? I truly can't remember.

But I digress. So what is the forward roll you might be asking yourselves? The forward roll is something that friends of mine in Washington, the District of Columbia, do when they are extremely frustrated, embarrassed or shamed.

To quote an amiable acquaintance of mine, Michelle "Let me introduce you to the forward roll. Basically you use it when everything in life has failed.... like calling your ex boyfriend by a new boy's name or not having executive clothes for a business meeting or when you ask a lady when she is due...and it turns out she is not pregnant...that kinda situation."

Figure 3:
In my personal experience, I've found that the forward roll is a good external enactment of the internal feelings of embarassment/shame. I also find that humming the tune to 'Christmas Time Is Here' is especially satisfying when positioning yourself for the forward roll. If you're going to be embarassed, I ask myself, why not enhance your embarassment to the nth degree?

*TO CLARIFY-a forward roll is not a SOMERSAULT. A forward roll is a movement that involves throwing your upper body down and letting your arms hang limp. It is an act of surrender.*

Here are some examples or forward roll moments as shared with me by my colleague Melissa:
"The Forward Roll is extremely useful in daily situations when you put your foot in your mouth. [It is especially useful if you have a habit of embarrassing yourself ] 18 times a day like I do."

She continued, "when you tell girl number one that another girl looks like a stripper (in a disapproving voice) only to have girl number one say, "I'm a stripper too. [that is an example for a forward roll]"

Incase you're confused I will clarify further. A stripper is someone who takes off their clothing for money.

Figure 4: Don't be ridiculous.

Here are some of my past musings on the forward roll:
"Another example of a forward roll that's related to pregnancy is: wearing the same shirt as a pregnant lady (when it's not a maternity top that you're wearing...) or drunk texting someone that they're stupid when it's their birthday (but you didn't know it was their birthday) or having your flip flop break when you're walking in downtown manhattan (this happened to my sister) and going into urban outfitters barefoot to buy NEW shoes but being told by the people working there that you can't be barefoot in the store."

Figure 5:
If you have any questions, feel free to re-read this lecture or to contact me via comment on this web page. As always, it has been a pleasure teaching you all something new and I look forward to your feedback on this very, very, VERY important matter.

Sincerely,
Becky E. ____ III (like I'd put my last name on here. PSH!)

Things I'm thinking

Now that I redesigned my blog (nice right?! RIGHT?! WOOOOOOO) I'm in the mood to post again. I guess all it takes to get the 'ol creative juices flowing is an hour playing around with fonts/wasting time/I will never get those 6 minutes back.

It's Friday, and kind of cold and gray outside. Luckily I don't have any afternoon plans that involve outside (read: as soon as I get off of work I'm running home and taking a NAP) so it shouldn't be too much of a problem. And I don't have a window where I'm currently sitting...

(Wouldn't my orthodontist be proud of those pearly whites and straight smile?)


Anyway, things could be better but they could definitely be worse so let's get this show on the road!

1) Rene Fris is HOT. Anyone else been watching 'Shear Genius'? If you have then you know that I'm talking about. The way he stands with his arms crossed or one of his hands awkwardly in one pant packet is to DIE for. Also, he doesn't know how to make things plural or singular in English which is pretty funny.

Take for example: "Stylist! (referring to the 5 or 6 stylists left in the competition) You have 10 minute left!...Now you only have one minutes!"

2) My stomach is annoying me. I don't know why or how...but there it is. STUPID STOMACH!
is the new STUPID BABY!.


3) I want to take a nap. Since I just got my new duvet cover and HAVEN'T gotten much sleep..it seems logical that I would want to take a nap and enjoy my new purchase. The problem with napping is that I can't do other things whilst I'm doing it. Like, I can't hang out with friends while I'm napping and I can't catch up on The Olympics while I'm napping. I can't go grocery shopping if I'm asleep...


I think you get the picture.

4) NSYNC. I went upstairs to show Jason a funny picture and before I knew it I was back in high school watching NSYNC music videos ('Bye Bye Bye' and 'Gone' in case you're curious) and singing along. Except in high school I didn't know Jason and there was no such thing as youtube and I wasn't at work on Friday around 10 am.

I mean not that I liked them but...ah fudge it. YES I DID! I LOVED THEM OK?!

(I have these dolls in the closet of my room at home. I never even opened the packages...they could be worth something one day right? I mean, I'm not holding on to them just because I still secretly love them or anything. I mean, I DEFINITELY don't. I only keep them in my closet and sleep with them every night and talk to them because it could pay off financially for me one day. OK?!)

5) I can't take it anymore! We didn't start the fireee, doo doo, it was always burning since the world's been turning. How do people learn all the lyrics to that song?

BYE!

Things I got at IKEA

Tuesday was the BIG day.
Not the D-DAY Invasion.
Or the day that the Polio vaccine was invented.
Or the day that Columbus discovered "America".
Or the day that women were given the right to vote in the United States.
Or the day that Israel was declared an official state.

No, Tuesday was much more important than all of those things. Tuesday, was the day that Kate, Erin and I ventured off the NEW IKEA in Brooklyn!!!

I knew that it would be GREAT because it was a NEW IKEA in BROOKLYN but as Erin and I pulled into the parking lot, with a peaceful song playing on the radio, and the sun shining in the sky, and the IKEA flags waving at the entrance of the store...I didn't know just how great it would be.



Things I got at IKEA:
1) Bag clips. How great are bag clips? I actually bought some before and enjoyed how they kept my chips fresh and bugs from getting into my food. I mean, not that I ever had a bug problem in any apartment I've ever lived in...but. Anyway, I enjoyed the bag clips SO much that I told my sister and mom about them and then they were...GONE. For a while I didn't know what to do. BUY MORE just so they could be taken?! Or let all my pretzels get stale? But then I decided that at only $2.99 for a bag, clips are a luxury I think I can afford.


2) A pillow. The pillow's not THAT great but it's good enough.

3) Batteries. Now that I have a digital camera that takes batteries (why did I do that to myself?! CURSE YOU CANON POWERSHOT!) um...it's good that I can get large quantities of batteries for cheap so that I can use it. ?


4) FROG WALL ORGANIZER. This thing is amazing! Basically it looks like a frog (with a crown! I guess a 'frog prince' is what we could call it) and it has little pockets on its belly and you can hang it from the wall and put shiz in it! I a) love the color green b) have lots of random small stuff lying around my room and c) think frogs are cool. This was a good investment (Thanks Kate!)

5) Plastic hangers. Kind of funny looking but only $.49 for 5!

6) Swedish meatball dinner. I love their swedish meat balls (that's what she said-tee hee! why doesn't this joke ever get old for me?)...mmm. The gravy is delicious, the little cranberry sauce is tangy yet fresh, and let's not forget just HOW MANY MEATBALLS you get on one little plate (around 15 I think!)! It's the best deal ever! If you get it with a side of cooked veggies (like I did) you can even eat the wholeeeeeee thing without feeling too guilty (701 calories for the plate according to IKEA).



and finally, the piece de resistance:

7) A DUVET SET!!!!!!!!!!!! So, I had eyed my duvet cover from many-a-showroom on my IKEA journey. I noticed it right away...its bright colors...its STRIPES (you know I love stripes and polka dots!)...its matching-ness with the curtains and sheets that I already own...it was just PERFECT! I waited with baited breath, through room after room, through my delicious dinner until Erin, Kate and I entered the linens area. I saw the comforters hanging on a wall and darted towards them. And then...there it was. I was a little concerned (read: SHOCKED!) at how much a duvet set could cost and shared my thoughts.

Erin: "NO NO! Becky! GET IT! YOU SHOULD GET IT!"
Becky: "But it's expensive!"
Kate: "Yeah, get it! Get it! You'll regret it if you don't"
Satan: "Yeah Becky. Do it. And while you're at it, see that baby over there? kill it!"

So I got it. And Erin, Kate and Satan were all right: I LOVE IT!


Thanks to Ikea everyone wins!!