The dorkiest thing that's ever happened to me...

Well, I am a huge dork. This shouldn't really surprise anyone. And the fact that I'm ADMITTING it shouldn't surprise anyone, either. I admit everything, to everyone, pretty much all the time.

*author's note* Jason, if you're reading this, I still stand by the fact that there are things you don't know about me.

Today though, I had a pretty dorky moment. It made me laugh outloud...and then want to cry...and then get angry and want to tell everyone what had just gone down.

Basically, I logged into my facebook farm. I love my farm. I play with it once a day...tend to my animals...plant some seeds...harvest some crops...fertilize crops on my neighbors' farms...why is this all sounding so dirty?

Anyway, today was no exception. I got into work, did some work (haha...just kidding!), and logged into my farm. All was well on the 'ol stead...I was harvesting fruit from my trees, and playing with my animals (it really is sounding dirty, right?) when THIS IMAGE CAME UP:


OH MY GOD. WHAT THE F! First of all, as if it's not lame enough that I am logged into farmville...now farmville is calling me a cat lady?! GOD! That's like going to a Star Trek convention and getting jumped!

I thought that farmville was my escape. I thought I could be my true self around farmville. I could wear sweats, not put my makeup on, not feel compelled to talk (I sort of have a problem with silence...have you noticed?), make stupid jokes and at the end of the day, we'd still be friends. But now I am seeing that Farmville was just luring me in, seducing me if you will, so that when I least expected it, at 9:15 on a Thursday morning, they could insult me!

Farmville: Oh hey Becky, play with me.
Becky: Eh, I don't know. I had that whole facebook baby that didn't work out, and now I have a pet... I don't know if I have time. I'm really busy.
Farmville: hehehe
Becky: Are you laughing?
Farmville: No.
*silence*
Becky: Oh God! I can't take the silence! Ok I'll play!

*weeks pass*

Farmville: You're so great Becky. Look at all your animals and decorations. You were made to be a farmer. You're the best facebook farmer ever!
Becky: Thanks, Farmville. I really feel so close to you. When I'm with you...I can let my hair down. I can say anything, crazy (anyone getting this Jessica Simpson reference?)
Farmville: CAT LADY! You're a cat lady! HAHAHA! CAT LADY! CAT LADY! Becky sits on her computer and plays with cats all day!
Becky: F Ewe. Damnit. Not Ewe...that's the farmer in the me talking.


In short, Farmville...I will continue to play you. I mean, I have a whole life established now and I can't just bail on all my animals and neighbors at the drop of a hat.

But, I am watching you. I have seen your true colors. I know that DOUCHEBAGERY lurks within you, and I won't be so forgiving the next time.

Things I like about figure skating

HELLO HELLO. Well today has been a doozy of a day. Let me tell you. There were highs and lows...some middle grounds...but did I mention the lows?

But come to think of it...did I mention the highs? Wyclef Jean was totally in my office today. YES. WYCLEF JEAN. No, there aren't two of them. And no there aren't two of me. THE Wyclef Jean was in MY office!!

We're partnering with his non-profit...to do some things...somewhere...

I can't really say anymore for fear that someone from work will find this blog and I will get in trouble (a la 'The Blog Scare of 2008...anyone remember that? *shudder*)

But let's start with the topic: figure skating.

I have liked figure skating since I was a wee lass (some of you might argue that I'm a wee lass right now but...I hate you). Michelle Kwan was my FAVEzies and if you want to be amused you should prob. corner me and ask me about reading her biography, and about how I feel she was robbed by Tara Lipinski and Sasha what's-her-face. I have fallen out of following the sport (yes it's a sport!) in current times and until the Olympics started recently had all but forgotten why I loved it so. But let's get started

1) Music. I really like music and in figure skating MUSIC is part of the routine. I don't have to sing songs in my head when I'm watching to make it more interesting(...like I do with other sports...ahem...football...ahme....they provide the music for me!

2) Costumes. I am all about costumes! Well, not all about costumes...because that would be weird. Though I guess, in a way, the clothes that I normally wear could be considered a 'costume'. Not like a 'fairy princess' costume or anything like that...but a 'Becky' costume. Anyway, I enjoy a good outfit and a good costume. Give me sparkles (Johnny Weir-woo!)

Give me feathers (Evan Lysacek-do you come here often? purr),


Give me faux-nude lining ( Rachel Flatt! and if you could add a cougar pose while you're at it I'd really appreciate it)


...and I am a happy girl. Oh, and what about this outfit:


3) Dancing. I've been getting in touch with my inner Rockette lately, and have really been moved by the dance. I've been busting a move like whoa. Some people have even started to confuse me this guy:


Anyway...the dancing that is incorporated in the SPORT of figure skating (yes, I'm really trying to drive this point home) is awesome. Those spins! Those jazz hands! Yes, Yes, 100 times Yes!

4) Drama. Oh, who doesn't love a little bit of drama in their lives? See that girl over there? She said you don't. I don't know why she's been trash talking you. You should really go say something to her...

There is always drama in figure skating. Be it the Kerrigan vs. Harding loose-figure-skating-blade-heard-round-the-world, or the Go Johnny 'Flaming' Weir vs. I'm Evan 'The Man' Lysacek feud that's going on right now. I could listen to them trash talk each other FOREVER!

5) Tears. Just kidding. That would be messed up if I liked to watch people cry.

(He should really try not to cry in front of people. Seriously...)

6) Jumps. It just defies gravity! And nature! I mean...how do you propel yourself off the ground like that? And, how do you make yourself spin around that fast? HOW?! I don't get it! And I never will! But knowledge of the technique would probably take away some of my wonder, so I'm ok with that.

*WARNING* THE FOLLOWING DIAGRAM IS ENLIGHTENING/WONDER-REDUCING...DOUBLE CLICK ON IT AT YOUR OWN RISK

Things I did this weekend

Hello Everyone!

First, let me wish you all a 'Happy Day Before Presidents' Day'. I hope most, if not all of you, have off work and school and will be able to relax and enjoy this big, beautiful world we live in.

I feel like there's something else I should be saying here...hmmm...maybe not. I think that's it.

So, I had a pretty good weekend (read: AWESOME!) I went to Bethlehem, PA to visit Rebecca. The primary purpose of my visit was to attend Rebecca's crew's Bad Romance/Lady Gaga party. Which I did. And it was awesome. But I did a few other cool things and what better place to document my shenanigans than on my very own, individualized, personalized BLOG?!?!

1) I went to a Bad Romance party. A) you probably already knew that because I've been telling everyone about it and B) I just mentioned it. However, C) I don't care. It was amazing. I had a kickass costume (including a BIG bow headband and a blong wig with bangs. I find it fitting to mention that 3 people asked me if the wig was my real hair. HMM...chin length blonde hair w/ severe bangs...wouldn't have thought that was the look for me but...), there were awesome decorations at the host's apartment (you know how much I love decorations at parties!!), the music was bangin' (obviously), and the company wasn't too bad either. I got to sing along and dance to 'Bad Romance' 3x...and...seperately got to also sing along and dance to 'Tick Tock' (by Ke$ha-DUH). FIERCE.

MOI

NOUS DEUX


2) I watched 'Mean Girls'. That's not that exciting but...it is a good movie. Tim Meadows <3

3) I drank some delicious soy chai. Oh soy chai...how you toy with me. STOP MAKING ME FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU over and over again. I already have...I already have...

4) I went thrifting. I got some cute gold flats (to replace my pair of plastic silver flats...oh you know the ones I'm talkin' bout and don't even act like you don't. shoot) and a sailor inspired shirt. Too good to be true?

5) I was witness to a text miscommunication/lesson in dating in 2010.

Text: Are you free tonight?
Response: I might be What's on your plate

Reading this message quickly, Rebecca thought this guy was offering himself up on a silver platter to her. Reading this message again, I realized he had forgotten to put a '.' after 'be' and a '?' after 'plate'. STUPID TECHNOLOGY

6) I went to a speakeasy bar. There are like 23049309 of these bars on the Lower East Side in New York, but to find one, and a NICE one at that, in Bethlehem, PA was pleasantly surprising. The bar was called 'The Bookstore' and had a jazz band playing, a menu that was pasted into an old book...need I say more?

7) I stayed up til 4 am eating pizza and watching 'Dirty Dancing'. Oh man, it was so fun! She's like the wind...through my tree...RIP.

8) I made heart shaped pancakes. AWWW. And I made a 'B' for Becky pancake and an 'R' for Rebecca pancake and some X's. It was pretty adorable.

(This pan seems like cheating)

9) I ate about 10 pounds of frosting. Guess who has two thumbs and is going to be wearing pants with an elastic waistband tomorrow??? THIS GIRL!


10) I HAD FUN! (As Michelle would say...I AM GAIDS. I'll let you imagine what that means)

As Valentines Day approaches...why can't we just be friends?

I have a bit of a shopping problem. Don't get me wrong...I'm not homeless or anything. I haven't ended my marriage over my credit card debt. My room isn't completely full of shopping bags. And I don't have tons of fancy clothing dangling with pricetags in my closet. Moderation, kitties, Moderation.

But yeah...I have been known to stimulate the 'ol economy from time to time. Nothing too big though. Just...shirts...and pants...and earrings...and books...and DVDs...and cars...and condos...and failing real estate developments. I maintain a certain balance in my savings account though, so it's 'all good' as the young people say.

One store that I particularly enjoy shopping at is New York & Company. They have these AWESOME pants that look just like dress pants but are actually sweat pants. My style is basically sweatpants meets high fashion so obvi these pants some of the best things to ever happen to me (yes I said 'things'. I have more than one pair, duh!).

I was returning something to NY & CO a few months ago when the cashier asked me if I would want to be on their e-mail list. I said 'sure' and started to get e-mail updates on a daily basis from them. Some of the coupons they sent my way were pretty good...

Then a few weeks ago I received this message:


(Author's note-you can double click on the picture to make it bigger)

WHOA. 'Get into our pants!'...New York & Company I hardly know you! I mean, I will be the first person to rave about their sweatpants/pants (see above)...but to come on to me, so strongly, is hardly necessary. Don't they know anything about dating? Or anything about 'the rules'?

First of all, if you like someone...you should only e-mail them occasionally. And second of all, after the first official meeting (for us that would be the day when I subscribed to their e-mail list) you're supposed to wait at least three days to contact the object of your affection. I'm pretty sure they sent me an e-mail immediately.

Third of all, I haven't been back to the store since our first rendez-vous. Think about that for a second. Let that idea marinate in your head. NY & CO chase, chase, chases...and yet I don't bite, bite, bite back. So in a moment of desperation, that, in all likelihood was alcohol enthused or came at the tail-end of a screening of some romantic movie like 'When Harry Met Sally', they thought they would throw themselves at me. Shamelessly. GET INTO OUR PANTS! Maybe, they thought, I wasn't getting their message.

Did they stop and think for a second that maybe I'm just not that into them? Or that subtlety wasn't their problem? 'Oh, NY & CO sends me coupons every day...do you think they like me? I mean, not like me...LIKE like me. I always thought of NY & CO as a friend...nothing more than that. But maybe we'd be good together? I mean, they're a little short and our senses of humor are different...and they're not Jewish....but we could make it work, right?'. FALSE.

NY & Company is a great store. Don't get me wrong. They have a lot of clothing and accessories that plenty of girls and some bi-curious men would be happy to get into. They're cute. They're stylish. They're cheap. I like them...but they're not Target or H&M.

But now let me avoid subtlety and be a bit more direct.

New York & Company if you're reading this, this is for you: I'm not that into you. Sure, of my own accord, when I'm bored in my apartment, I might walk down to 30th avenue and Steinway st. and peruse your sweatpants/trouser section...but that's on my terms. Don't try to coerce me into your pants! Seriously! Desperation is not attractive on you. I don't want things to be awkward between us...because I will, from time to time, want to enter you (that's what she said hehehe). So please, as we approach Valentines Day, and we put our life in perspective, can we just be friends?

(Please note how stylish this friendship necklace is. Things have really changed since I was a kid)

Things that have blown my mind lately

Hello, Hello. What a glorious morning on this the 9th day of February 2010. A slight chill in the air. A slight chill in my office (when are we ever going to get this heating figured out, huh?). A slight chill in my heart (not really, but I thought it would sound dramatic). And yet...the sun shines. It's all going to be alright! You hear that, everyone? It's going to be alright!

*Imakenopromisesofthissopleasedon'tsuemeorholdmetoanything,capiche?!*


I want to share some things with you, now. Imagine that. Me sharing things. You reading. It's like our relationship is being redefined. @ . Anyway...

1) Pickle & Cheese Tasting/Pairing Class. Debbie treated me to a tasting class at Whole Foods for my Birthday. I had high hopes for the event. I love pickles. I love cheese. (Who doesn't, right? Actually, if you don't...why don't you do us all a favor and just navigate away from this page? We don't want your kind here. Oh don't worry. I'll wait. I have all day...) Separately they're great, but what about when these entities are brought together? How do they fare? EVEN BETTER. One combo of cheese + pickle -- > soy sauce taste in my mouth! WHOA! IT BLEW MY MIND! It also blew my mind how these three women in the front row kept asking questions like they were in a private tasting class but...I digress.


2) Spa Castle. OH. MY. GOD. I went a few weeks ago w/ C8lin and Brooke. What a day. I don't really want to go into too much detail but here are some key words that come to mind when I think back on that glorious day: Asian. Uniforms. Watches. Nudity. Fro Yo. Massage. Sex?. Confusion. Joy. Funny. Sauna. Gold. Gemstones. Infrared. Children. Communism. Pools. Fancy. Views. Couches.

For more details please visit c8lin/kel-c's blog: http://starsquigglystar.blogspot.com/2010/02/spa-castleinspa-worldheaven.html

Suffice it to say, that my MIND WAS BLOWN.

3) NINJA SUSHI. My friend Kelsy decided to leave NYC (BOO. HISS. I know, I know) and had a going away dinner last Friday night. The venue for this soiree was Ninja New York in the financial district. MY GOD. You guys know I like Ninjas and Pirates, right? Well...IMAGINE A NINJA THEMED RESTAURANT...W/ NINJA WAITERS...and MAGIC TRICKS! It was, as they say, 'Basically Epic'. The company wasn't so bad, either ;) And let's not forget the Lady Gaga sing-along. Sigh.

(Type Lady + Gaga + Ninja into Google Image Search and this is what you'll get)

4) TRADER JOES (in Queens)! We've oft talked about visiting the elusive Trader Joes in Queens. Coordinating our schedules proved to be a bit difficult but finally we made the journey this Sunday. First, I couldn't find my car keys so Josh had to drive. Second, we went the wrong way on the way from Mara's apartment to Debbie's apartment. Third, we drove too far on the BQE and missed the exit for the Grand Central Parkway. Fourth, we arrived. WHAT A MECCA! This Trader Joes in Queens was worth the wait and the drive. The aisles can fit three full shopping carts across (one cart on the left, one cart on the right, one cart passing between the two) and are fully stocked. There are cheap packaged salads...They have challah bread...There's cheap beer. The lines are manageable and don't extend throughout all the aisles of the store (Trader Joes in Union Square you know what I'm talking about. Don't even play innocent with me right now. Don't. Even. !!!!). I bought $70 worth of groceries and you know what? I don't regret a penny of it

5) A *NEW*ish song from Acceptance--'Desperate'. This doesn't matter to any of you I don't think...but F U SUCKAZ! I'M WRITIN' THIS BLOG, YO! I PUT UP WHAT I WANTZZZ 2. Anyway, Acceptance is one of my favorite bands...except they broke up. Like...4 years ago. I found out that they put up an unreleased demo on their myspace in November (yes...it was put upt in November and I'm JUST hearing about it. SUE ME! Actually, no don't sue me. That's the opposite of the point I'm trying to make...anyone?) and I've been listening to it non-stop for the past week. Oh Jason Vena...your voice heals me! An unreleased demo 4 years after a band breaks up...that BLOWS MY MIND.

(Those are song lyrics...the first two parts...not the part in parentheses. parenthesis? BAH!)

6) Edamame Hummus. This could probably go under the 'Trader Joes' section but I don't want to put it there. TAKE THAT WORLD! PFT PFT PFT. Anyway, it's just ground soy beans...and it's vegan...but it tastes so creamy. How do they do that? STOP MESSING w/ me Joe! It's not right!

BYE!

Let's pretend I wrote this

My friend/co-worker/bestie, Jenn, forwarded me something really great last night. It's a letter to alcohol. I found it very enjoyable and frankly, was sad that I didn't write it myself (I did add in the pictures, though) I think this letter is something that you, my audience and humble fans, would enjoy. So I'm going to paste it in here for your perusal.

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I’m a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you’re even around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we’re stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I’ve been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

1. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a kebab, a butter chicken curry along with a sausage with cheese, onion and mustard (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few sweet chilli and sour cream red rock chips)? I’m an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

1. Clumsiness: Unless you’re subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It’s completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

Furthermore, the hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening’s debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You’ve been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don’t know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,

Your biggest fan

February is going to be Legendary!

I don't really think it is...but not many words rhyme or even SOUND similar to February.

It's been a...good? mediocre? awesome? fun? boring? February so far. I've done some things...

like eat (almost a whole box of perogies, almost a whole container of Ben & Jerry's ice cream...though to be fair it's a small container, some pizza, some dumplings, at least 10 pieces of chocolate, birthday cake, macadamia nuts, goldfish...rainbow colors!, chicken, salad...P.S. DO NOT EAT BAGGED LETTUCE! Debbie sent me an article that basically said bagged lettuce is dirty. I am upset about this. As I explained to Kristyn, I buy bagged lettuce because I don't like washing lettuce...but...if I'm going to buy it AND have to wash it there's no point. Bagged Lettuce, It's been fun...We had a good run but I think it's time we see other people)...

and sleep (not enough though! but honestly, when is it ever enough? I wonder what it would be like to...for two weeks...sleep in every day as late as you wanted? Do you think you'd eventually feel well rested. I don't know the last time I've had that luxury. I always have SOMETHING to do. I like to think that if I gave myself the chance I'd be able to feel well rested...but I will probably never know. SAD!)

and read (You all know that JD Salinger died last week, right? Oh sorry. Sorry! I didn't realize he was your favorite author. Wait a second, really? Him? Egg? He's not for us...Anyway. I had been reading 'Water for Elephants' and couldn't get into it so I picked up 'Franny and Zooey' from my bookshelf and decided to give that another shot. I had started reading it a while ago but never finished and I thought 'carpe diem!'. Yes, I thought an exclamation point. Isn't that amazing? Well, let me tell you...People have been giving me looks and finding it necessary to comment on the fact that I'm reading 'Franny and Zooey' in tribute to JD Salinger. 'Wow that's really great. I bet lots of people have been reading JD Salinger stuff since he died'. UM. I'm really not paying tribute. I swear! It's a good book though! Next up: 'Home Land' for book club on Tuesday)

and drink (I bought this really good <3 strawberry <3 beer at the grocery store last week. I def. recommend it to you if you're into fruity things (that's what she said! how do we feel about parentheses inside of parentheses??). It's Pete's Wicked Ale Strawberry bla bla something. Is that enough info for you to be able to find it? Or do you need more? Oh and I've been housing tea like it's my job. Dear Lemon Tea, I feel that you are the reason I have not contracted swine flu yet. PFT PFT FPT knock on wood x 10 etc. etc. etc.)

and laugh (what is up with THIS guy? http://www.details.com/sex-relationships/sex-and-other-releases/201001/americas-first-legal-male-prostitute)

and dance (mostly alone in my room but venue doesn't really matter much, does it?)

TO BE CONTINUED...