OMG #FAMOUS...

OH wait. I'm not on twitter.

Are any of you? I find that hashtag trending thing they do on there to be very funny.

(OK, so, Twitter is all about trending topics. 'They' want to see what everyone is tweeting about, and a way that 'you' can contribute to the global twitter 'counts' is by putting a '#' sign before your 140 characters of joy. For example, if Justin Bieber said he was dating someone, and you were a Bieberette, you could be like #JustinBieberIsDatingSomeone OMG I CANT BELIEVE IT, and then, if people went to the twitter home page and looked up 'JustinBieberIsDatingSomeone' your tweet would come up...

Am I explaining that well?

It makes me want to put a pound sign before EVERYTHING I say just to be funny or unpredictable. Except, it's the opposite of unpredictable. That hashtag joke has me written all #over it.

Anyway, I was talking to #HeyItsMala and she sent me this link:

http://gothamist.com/2010/12/28/32_hours_stranded_on_the_subway_one.php

Click on that, and look at the bottom right of the picture that accompanies that article.

Oh god. You're not going to do it, are you?

HERE:

LOOK! ITS MY SILVER RAIN BOOTS! AH!! IM FAMOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!

fin.

SNOWED IN

Well, I thought I'd have to wait until next year for a snow day (I know that 'next year' jokes the week of New Years Eve are really clever) but, I was wrong. I know. You're all upset because you view me as a source of knowledge and morality, and if I'm wrong about something, then what's right?

But anyway, it started snowing yesterday. I was at home in FT, and was woken up by my mom who said something like 'If you want to go to Kohls and grocery shopping then you need to get up now'. The 'if' implied that the trip wasn't guaranteed. Sensing that a trip to Kohls could easily be ripped out from under my feet, I got up...and sat around. But then, I got ready.


It had already started to snow by the time we left for Kohls at 11 am.

YUCK. I mean...maybe not yuck. Snow in general isn't bad...in fact, sometimes, it's kind of magical.

FIGURE A: FIGURE B:It just becomes tricky when snow, magical and pretty in its own right, starts to interfere with your plans. And by 'your' plans, I mean 'my' plans.

Even things I love like unicorns and cats, were they to interfere with fun things I'd lined up, would tread on my bad side. So snow, which I don't feel so positively towards, obviously positions itself on my S-H-I-T list when it comes into town and threatens to interrupt my discount shopping.

Anyway, back to yesterday. By 12:45, Mom and I had finished up grocery shopping (including a trip to T!R!A!D!E!R! J!O!E!S!), and I was on the road back to Queens.

And I made it. There was a spot right in front of my house, for which I was thankful as I began to unload my overnight bag. And my laundry. And my presents. And my groceries.

What I'm trying to say is, life is really rough.

And now, here I am, snowed in. It's Monday now. So, I've been in my apartment, chilling, for a day.

For those of you who know me, you understood how weird this is for me. I enjoy afternoons of solitary shopping and walks around the city by my lonesome, but I don't tend to spend days by myself. Actually, I honestly can't remember the last time I spent a WHOLE day by myself. I mean, sometimes, if I have plans on a weekend night, and I'm tired from my STRESSFUL LIFE (that was supposed to be over the top THANK YOU), I'll just catch up on my DVR during the day, make dinner, and then head out to whatever soiree I've been invited to. I'm really popular.


But, I can't remember the last time I did nothing during the afternoon, and evening, and then woke up in the morning to do nothing, followed by an afternoon of nothing, and then maybe a nap, and then an evening of lounging.

And you know what? It hasn't been THAT bad. I'm pretty enjoyable! Sure, I enter a semi-sloth mode when left alone to my own devices, and then when I do end up having conversations with people they're awkward and I giggle a lot, but, if the Nuclear Holocaust were to go down, and I was left alone, I think I'd be OK. I mean...I'd MISS all of you so I'd be really sad...uh...but besides that. Just fine.

I've:

-Eaten some cookies
-Eaten some skittles
-Eaten some cheese (sensing a pattern?)
-Watched some 'Soap' (anyone else watching this / watched this besides me and Kate?)
-Watched 'Annie Hall'
-Watched 'Dr. Phil' (try as I may, I can't seem to kick the habit)
-Napped
-Napped
-Watered my plant
-Eaten some jelly beans
-Taken a shower (because I was GOING to go out but then, you know, decided against it...yuck)

In conclusion, Snow is still on my 'list'...esp. as it is now over 36 hours since it started snowing and they haven't plowed my street...but...it's not all bad. Maybe tomorrow I can see real people?!!!

A new oasis (in the big city?)

Well, it was just another Tuesday. Yesterday. You know, when it was Tuesday. I had made plans with Laura to hit up happy hour but one question remained: where?

There are so many bars in Manhattan, aren't there? Not to mention the approximately 2320569594 dive bars in Queens.

But then I remembered a conversation I had with...uh...someone (really not sure who. I'm not trying to pique your interest by lying or trying to hide evidence of a conversation I had with a particular person) about this bar in midtown that has cheep burgers, beers and shots. I researched and found out this place was called 1 2 3 burgers shots beer.

Wait, what?

BURGERS + CHEAP SHOTS + BEER ALL IN ONE PLACE. This sounded too good to be true.

Flash forward to this Tuesday (which was now, two days ago…as I admittedly had work to do yesterday and today and was out last night…so didn’t get to finish this…though I did accidentally post it as a few people pointed out to me) when I remembered that conversation with whoever it was.

I suggested to Laura, who is pretty easygoing by nature, that we go to ‘You know, that Beer, Shot, Burger bar’ and sent her a link. She was in.

We both got off work early and were able to meet up around 5:15. Well, in case you’re wondering, this place was about as good as I had thought it would be.

To be fair, the burgers were sliders and you had to order at least three of them…but the shots were tasty (I got a ‘sex and the city’ shot, and…a ‘jolly rancher’ shot)…and then, I mean, beer is beer…unless you rufie it in which case you’re dealing with a whole different beast.

To be fair, again, it was your typical dive / sports bar…moderately crowded…and with a decent soundtrack playing.

And then, these guys asked us to play beer pong with them. I landed one ball in two games (that’s what she said). But I did get kind of drunk and I did NOT have to pay for any of the beer during beer pong so I would call it successful.

In conclusion, you should all really go to the bar. And if you go, invite me!

It’s good to know that I have another bar I can go to and get drunk at for a moderate price.

Not that I drink OK. This is all hypothetical.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

OK SO LIKE...you've all heard of Icing by now, right? I might, you've probably talked to some teenagers or frat guys or like...turned on the TV in the last 6 months...or gchatted with your younger cousin who just got back from Israel (yours truly)...or read this blog (have I mentioned Icing? hard to tell. I mean, not 'hard to tell' in the literal sense...I mean it more like 'not going to check' because I am lazy and don't feel like going through all the entries I've posted here since June'. Let me also add this addendum to my previous statement: F U all I know I haven't written that many entries since June. I'VE BEEN BUSY)...

In case you're slow, or something, or just not popular/don't have any friends who've told you about this, here:

http://www.geekosystem.com/bros-icing-bros/

Well anyway. I am very tickled by the whole concept. The act of concealment. The imbibing of Smirnoff Ice (brings me back to my college days...which, btw, were almost FOUR YEARS AGO. ACK! WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING?!). The sportsmanship of it all. Not to mention the implied douchiness that goes along with the 'Bros Icing Bros' mentality.

(I was trying to find a picture of me with a Smirnoff ice on the Paris metro that exists, somewhere...but whilst I was looking through my study abroad photoz on facebook, look what I found. Dear Rebecca, you are SO SO SO welcome!)

It's just great.

Over the summer, I basically talked to everyone I know, and every object I come into contact with, about what the kids call 'Icing'. Some people thought it was stupid (losers) and others thought it was funny (best friends). But, regardless of the thoughts of others, I vowed to take part in this pop culture phenomenon.

But then, I didn't really. And then, Jamie and Shane actually took the lead and went on an Icing spree on Fourth of July. I was more than a little bit jealous as they texted me pictures and let me know about all their successes. Actually, I wasn't really jealous. I was laying poolside that weekend with my PA bffs...and then I was watching fireworks over a lake so...life wasn't too bad.

Remember?

And then, Jamie and Shane Iced me. OH BOY. I probably should have seen it coming but since I am mildly autistic (self-diagnosed of course...and DEFINITELY offensively so), when Jamie asked if I could 'Grab her the bread' from the bread basket, that was two feet from her, I thought 'wow, someone is lazy' to myself, but indulged her. And what was waiting at the bottom of the bread basket?!

YOU GUESSED IT.


AND MAN, was I happy! A) Icing is really funny and B) They took the time to Ice me...le sigh. That's what friend are for, right?

I vowed that I would get them back. But, since I sometimes lack follow through...

*Gets up and looks at self in mirror*

*Grabs water*

*Checks iphone because, obviously, someone has texted me*

What?

Anyway, as I mentioned, and I know this for a fact, and I don't even need to go back and check previous ENTRIES OK?, Jamie and Shane got engaged recently. And I thought to myself 'God, I could really go for some Swedish Fish right now' and then I thought to myself 'THIS would be a good time to ice them'. I could MAIL them a Smirnoff Ice to their new place and a) not have to worry about my in-person awkwardness getting in the way of a successful Icing attempt and b) guarantee that they'd be surprised and c) guarantee not to have gotten them the same engagement gift as someone else!

But, I had already sent them a 'Congratulations' card, and I mean, you have to spread nice deeds out right? Like, what if you did 10 nice things all at once and then for the next 9 weeks did jack? Well, it would make it seem like The Rule is that you do jack, but The Exception is that you do nice things. However, if you do 1 nice thing 10 times over 10 weeks, The Rule is that you consistently are kind of nice.

So, I decided to wait and send the Ice for Christmas.


And send it I did (along with two 'make your own gingerbread man' kits, and a box of tea, AND a homemade card...ahem)

I had Julio, who manages the mail room at my job, help me bubble wrap the bottle just to ward off any potential accidents. While Julio wrapped the bottle (OK...look...he OFFERED to do it...AND...I didn't stop him, I guess), I explained to him what Icing is and who this package was intended for. He seemed very excited about the prospect, but mostly because, it seems, he's a Smirnoff Ice fan.

I jokingly said 'Julio, I'm glad I'm mailing this package from outside because I think if I left it with you you'd drink it!'.

The thing is, I wasn't really joking. You should have seen the way his eyes lit up when I showed him what I needed bubble wrap for.

With the package safely sealed, and the Smirnoff Ice semi-concealed within the cardboard box, I sent my Ice on its merry way. I was pleased. Jamie and Shane would have no idea. I was funny and awesome.

Fast forward to tonight when I got a text from Jamie that read:

'LOL!! Did we just get Iced?!!?!'

Yes, Jamie. Yes, you did.

And guess what everyone? YOU ARE ALL NEXT.



~* FIN *~

I am the AUTHOR of this blog: I do what I want!

If you read my last entry, you noticed that in the middle of the post it cuts out and there's this weird HTML stuff going on.

I tried to fix that twice and for reason, the code kept breaking, and it kept erasing what I'd written. ('it' being blogger.com)

It's almost midnight (or, as we like to call it, 'the witching hour') and I don't really know how to fix that html error / care enough, so you're all just going to have to deal with it. Assume that whatever I was going to write in that paragraph was Vonnegut / Twain / DeGeneres / Rowling -esque (those are the only funny people / authors that I could think...see? I really am tired...not slow...tired...uh)

Assume that whatever I was going to write would probably have changed your life. But, on the positive side of things, your life is probably fine the way it is now, so do you really need a change?

NIGHTY NIGHTZ

SPYWARE? GET OUT OF HERE

Oh god. Well, I got some stupid spyware on my computer. This probably doesn't make a difference to you...but if you're a DECENT human being / care about me, it should!

I've noticed lately that my computer at home (my work computer is just fine thankyouverymuch) has been very slow. I didn't assume anything bad, though for a few reasons 1) I use my laptop almost exclusively on my bed (TMI?), which can cause the laptop to heat up and run slower 2) When I close my laptop it doesn't turn off...it goes into standby...which means it's never exactly sleeping and resting. 3) Apparently I am a bad laptop owner...shit.

(I wonder who this kid is...)

Cue to today, when I was at home on a work comp day (BOARD. MEETINGS. ARE. OVER. UNTIL. MAY. which means that work is going to be a bit slower and also that, should my motivation persist, I'll be blogging more! WOO HOO), gchatting with my ladies (you know who you are...<3) class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">spyware on my computer. What? I have spyware? What? I need to pay to get rid of it? I mean, that seems unfair. I didn't put it there or even WANT it there.

SPYWARE? NOT ON MY WATCH!

So, I did what any normal person would do, and turned off my computer and went and met Debbie for coffee. UH...yeah. The coffee was good AND I got to take the bus there (<3 bus <3). I haven't been too into the holiday cheer in recent years. I don't wear red and green together. I don't bake Christmas cookies. I don't exchange Christmas gifts with people I'm not related to OR even send Christmas cards anymore. My heart has shrunk 5 sizes, and my nose doesn't glow red anymore. Because of that, I've been trying to be more holiday cheery-y this year.

I've been playing 'Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays' on repeat at work, and was enticed to get a white peppermint mocha when I met up with Debbie today. She was disgusted with my choice, but if I didn't do things just because Debbie was disgusted by them, I'd never do anything! AM I RIGHT?! :p

Then I went to a place designed for people with shopping problems who are on a budget: The Salvation Army. I was there for a while. Maybe even two hours. I'm not kidding. I got a cute dress-y thing, and some jeans that apparently don't fit (there are no fitting rooms there...nice business plan since there's also no return policy on items that don't fit / have magically appearing stains and holes in them), and a belt....The more I think about it, I should have gotten that white sweater instead of those jeans...!!!!....!!!!...

Then, I went to the library...which...is lacking in Kurt Vonnegut books. EVERYONE has already READ 'Slaughterhouse 5' and 'Cat's Cradle' so there's really no need to have 5 copies, and 4 copies respectively of those titles. Let's get some rarer stuff in there, Queens Library! Let's do this!

And then...well you know...stuff.

But the point is this, I feel violated. WHO does this SPYWARE think it is to just come on my computer and infect it?! I don't want you here. I am happy without you. I don't appreciate you just showing up here, interrupting my DEEP and MEANINGFUL chats and forcing me to go out and TALK to people today when I could have sat in my bed chatting with people electronically.

Also, if you're gonna be a virus, and try to send my credit card info over the internet, at least be up front about it. Don't try to call yourself 'system tool' and get me to give you money. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT? Maybe if English wasn't my first language I might not notice the missing 's' that should be at the end of 'system toolS'...but, fortunately, or unfortunately, I grew up in this country, and understand that my system has more than one tool, and that because I already paid for this computer, there's no need for me to pay for my computer to do its job.

You are a virus! Don't try to pretend to be a part of my computer! DON'T. DO. IT! Be up front about what you are so I can dislike you openly. Don't make me do two jobs: 1) detective 2) hater.

(I was going to put a big X over this picture to symbolize how I don't want to be a detective but, it felt wrong. I LOVED 'Nancy Drew' books as a kid)

In other news, I'm listening to NSYNC songs. Anyone else remember 'God Must Have Spent...'? Apparently, my love is like a river because it's "peaceful and deep".

Happy Chanukah, or Why You are Glad You are No Longer in College

Hello, friends! It is I, the sister of the blogger, doing Becky a solid by filling in for her. I am not sure why she can't blog. I assume it's because she's lazy.















But I will get her back. Happy Chanukah, Shmulik!


So it gray and rainy here in Podunk, PA today, and all of the children are miserable. And it got me to thinking about why I am SO glad I am not them. And you should be glad you are not them, too. Here are some reasons why it's awesome not to be in college.

1. Homework

Homework sucks. It's just a fact. And you may have jobs that are crappy, but you know at 5pm, or 6pm, or whenever, you can leave that crap at the office.








But those poor children have homework! It's work they have to do at home! By definition it's horrible. And each professor thinks they are the only ones to give homework, so these kids are working their asses off all the time. Their time is not their own. Like slaves.

2. No Boundaries

So as I was thinking about work at home, and what an inappropriate boundary crossing that is, I then realized these students have so many more. They work and study and sleep and eat and poop and enjoy conjugal relations all in the same 12' x 12' space. There is no escape!




















It may look romantic, but at the end of the day, you are wearing ugly clothes and hoping your roommate doesn't crawl into bed with you during the night.

3. Finals

Finals are almost here, and I think that is adding to the general sense of doom around here. Remember finals? You got no sleep for a week, either memorizing facts you will never remember in order to pass a test, or you wrote papers you don't really remember either, since your thesis appeared to you in a vision somewhere around 4 in the morning.













You know you are not going to see your friends for a month, but you don't really have time or energy or inclination to see them. You are alone, and miserable, hunched over your computer in your room, or hunched over a stack of books in the library, but the point is you are hunched.













Hunched and miserable.

4. Being an Underaged Drinker

Please note: drinking in and of itself is not a problem. The problem is if you are under 21 and want to drink. You are at the mercy of bouncers and bartenders not to card you. Or at the mercy of upperclassmen who might be willing to share some PBR with you. Or at the mercy of the guy down the hall who makes fake IDs.













You are not the master of your own domain. And getting caught drunk could get you arrested, or put on academic probation, or worse...















It's a dangerous way to be.

5. The Food

Psych! When you were in college, I am sure you complained about the cafeteria food.
















But now you are out in the world and responsible for your own meals. What do you call a free, all-you-can-eat meal that someone else prepares and cleans up after?














Delicious, that's what you call it. And you say thank you.

I am sure there are many other reasons why you are glad you are no longer in college. List them in the comments.

Peace out!