So here goes:
Dear Cockroach living in my room,
Hey, what's up? We don't normally get to catch up like this because you're usually a) hiding in my closet or b) running to hide somewhere under my suitcases in my closet c) hiding under my bed or d) running around my bathroom, but that's a shame, don't you think? I mean, we're practically room mates by now and I normally maintain a level of friendship with my room mates. I don't want things to get too awkward between us.
That being said, we need to talk. Look, it's not me it's you. You're living in my room. !. I mean, if you were my friend and needed a place to crash I would for sure blow up my air mattress for you. Or if you were a cute guy and needed a place to crash I would definitely blow up my air mattress for you...or if I was drunk let you share my bed with me. But you're not my friend and you're not cute or a guy. In fact, you're DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!
And you want to know something else, cockroach? I actually HATE YOU. You're BIG and ugly, which normally isn't enough for me to develop feelings of hatred. BUT, you also, on top of being BIG and ugly, have a HORRIBLE personality and are a free loader!
It was one thing when you hid in my closet. I could deal with that. Sure, you were crashing in my room rent-free but the hiding implied that you in some small way felt bad about it. You were ashamed of what you were doing.
And it was another thing when I saw you emerging from my room before bedtime. OK, so you were roaming around my room and going through my things without my permission but at least you were giving me my space.
But to just RUN around, from closet to bathroom and beyond without a CARE in the world?-that's F'd up. I am not OK with you taking advantage of me.
And you want to know some other thing else?! I actually don't care if it's awkward between us, ok? I just started off this letter in a polite fashion so that you wouldn't immediately stop reading and disregard what I have to say. So, there are two options for you right now: a) you can pay half of my monthly rent and share my room as an equal (ewwwWW!) or b) you can get the FUCK out of my room ASAP.
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU and everything that you stand for. UGH!
Worst, Becky
3 comments:
Actually, the paying half the rent seems like the best solution. Think of all the things you could buy if you only had to pay half the rent.
This is full on one of my favorite entries! SUCK IT! You should recite the letter out loud in your room tonight and see if the cockroach responds.
Actually, Jamie found a huge cockroach in her room last night. could it be that my room mate has decided to move out?
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