Things I shouldn't do

I am strong. I am strong. I've heard if you tell yourself that enough it'll start to be true/you'll believe it. Well, even if I am strong...I'm apparently NOT strong enough to handle drinking 4 Blockheads margaritas in one sitting. I don't know what I was thinking on Tuesday night. I mean, Caitlin and I were talking about our facebook pets

and then Kelsy and I were talking about Argentina (pronounced Arr-hen-tina, duh)...and then I was asking Roman about 'the friend zone' (oh you know what I'm talking about, don't even. I said DON'T. EVEN. DON'T!)...

And then my 3 margaritas were gone! And then Caitlin couldn't finish hers so...I had to. I couldn't let it go to waste! There are teenagers in Queens who would have killed for the dregs of that 'rita, yo!


Well, let's just say nothing really BAD happened but...I did do a lot of unnecessary dialing, and talking...

I finally made it to artichoke though for a slice of their pizza. It was really good! But's let not lose focus

Things I shouldn't do:

1) Have more than two or at the most THREE margaritas in one sitting. GOD. As I told Jamie, my liver was probably crying this morning

LIVER: B-B-Becky...are you there?
BECKY: Yep. What's up?
LIVER: OH, it's YOU! I thought someone had done a coup and overtaken our body!
BECKY: UM...why would you think that?
LIVER: I just kept having poison poured into me...so much poison...one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. It's so dark and cold in here...I can't do it anymore
BECKY: Isn't it 98.6 degrees?
LIVER: So cold...so...cold...


2) Drunk dial. Man. I really thought I had gotten over this horrible habit, but looking at my 'dialed calls' and 'sent messages' this morning indicates otherwise. A word of advice: if you ever get a text from me that involves the word 'happy hour' or 'margaritas'...assume I'm drunk.

3) Kill people. Oh, don't worry I didn't kill anyone last night...just my pride

4) Push little children. Sometimes little kids just get in MY way...and I try saying 'excuse me' but they don't listen and look, I have places to go! I'm a New York-er now! I've only done this a couple times, over a span of a few years...so don't shake your head quite so vigorously.

5) Step in puddles. I mean, who wins when you step in a puddle? The puddle loses some of its life force and you lose some of yours too. Wet pant bottoms/Wet feet/Slimy flip flips makes Becky a dull girl.


6) Steal. Unless I become a pirate in which case a girl's gotta make a living, ya know?

7) Blog at work. HAHAHAHA, I don't mean that.

8) Leave needles in my bed. SO, I had a piece of glass in my foot...and I tried to use a needle to get it out...and it worked. Except, then I left the needle on my bed...and it ended up under my comforter. Specifically, it was poking through my bottom sheet...resulting in me being poked during the night. I thought I was just crazy (well, I guess I still am crazy)...and that I had been traumatized from stepping on the glass. I thought maybe I was imagining it all. Turns out, I wasn't. Moral: don't leave needles on top of your bed...unless you're shooting up or something in which case I'd say, go for it. Follow your dreams.


to be continued

Things I bought today

Sundays are usually a pretty good day for me. Sometimes I run errands...which suck when they're happening...but make me feel AWESOME afterwards. Other times I sit in my apartment and watch TV all day with Jamie and Shane. Other times I hang out with my family...or friends.

Yes, I have some friends. What's that?

Yes, I might pay them. So what? I don't ask you about your business deals so why are you asking me about mine?! Snap!

Anyway, today I hung out with one my friends, Debbie. You might have heard of her. She's blogged for me before, and I've blogged for her too...and I've blogged about her. This is starting to sound obsessive...um...so...we went shopping in Chinatown and in Soho. It was really fun! The point of the trip was to get Debbie a purse for a belated birthday present. Keep that in mind as this entry unfolds.

I know I've talked about my shopping problem at length in here...but today I think I really outdid myself by buying AWESOME things that no one, and I mean no one, really needs. My mom would be so proud

Things I bought today:

1) Plastic flower ring. Oh yes.

figure A. the ring


figure B. what my fist would look like if I was about to punch you in the face while wearing the ring

2) Set of 4, plastic, Andy Warhol plates. They were only $1! I've always said that I would buy anything for a dollar so if these plates REALLY surprise you then you don't me at all...and that makes me feel sad. and then ANGRY!!!!!!!! and then guilty for having emotions...um...what?

figure C. the plates (not to scale)

3) 6 pairs of plastic button earrings. They were made in China but don't worry they're 'lead free'.

figure D. earring pack minus


figure E. earrings I'm wearing!


Contrary to my annoyed expression, I really am happy about this :)

4) 'Infinite Jest'. Debbie and some of her friends are taking part in this: http://infinitesummer.org/. Well, now I am too!

figure F. meant to convey how LONG this book is

Et finalement, la piece de resistance...

5) RED sunglasses. If you had told me when I woke up this morning (at 10, after going to bed at 4...WTF!) that by 4 pm I'd own a pair of big, red sunglasses I probably would have said 'what? sorry...I wasn't listening.' But then you would have repeated yourself and I would have said 'No way!'.

figure G. sassing it up on my couch <3

Look for this pic on myspace summer '09. Just kidding...I don't really use myspace anymore

In conclusion, it is 6:41 and I'm baking some chicken for dinner...but honestly, I could go to bed right now and be satisfied. Also, Debbie DID get an adorable plum colored purse and some hot aviator style sunglasses. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

bai!

How Josh is like a pirate

Let's face it, I'm a bit of a publicity whore. I will appease anyone/pretty much do anything to get people to read my blog. Well, that's not exactly true. I actually don't do anything to make sure that people read this, except for tell them about it, e-mail them links to the profiles, print out copies of the blog entries to hand out to people on the street, put the link to the blog up in my gmail status, and advertise my blog link on highway billboards.

To be fair, you don't need to move to do any of that so are they really 'actions'?

Anyway, I was talking to my brother Josh yesterday and somehow the topic of pirates came up. OK, fine. I'll be honest for once...the topic came up because I'm obsessed with pirates. I could find a way to work them into any conversation. Are you happy now? I'm exposed and naked for the world to see!



Josh said he thought he was similar to a pirate, and I asked how. He gave me reasons, and then told me that if I didn't make this a blog entry he would never read my blog again and he would tell everyone else not to read it either and he'd hack into blogger and delete it and then...um...other bad things. *sob* Why am I such a bad liar?

How Josh is like a pirate

1) He's probably stolen something before. OK Josh, let's be real...'probably' stolen? I'm sure you KNOW you've stolen something before. I'm not trying to say that you're a klepto or anything, but stealing just happens sometimes. You walk into Saks Fifth Avenue, you try on a $500 gown and you walk out with it on...without even realizing? anyone?

2) He's sailed the seven seas. UM...I don't know if that's true. Let's think about Josh for a second...so he's flown over the Atlantic Ocean, been by the Pacific Ocean, cruised in the Caribbean...but that's a sea, right?

3) He likes rum. I've had some cuba libres with Josh over the years (that's a rum and coke, duh!), and as far as I can tell he's enjoyed them.


4) He likes treasure. Who doesn't? I mean....Josh has a particularly unique taste for rubies and gold coins and pearls and emerald rings. You know, it runs in the family.


In short, my brother is a pirate which makes ME a pirate by association. What more could I ask for?

Things I like about rain

WELL, it is certainly raining here in NYC! First of all, there were thunderstorms last night (somewhat similar to the 'raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens' scene in 'The Sound of Music'...minus the singing, and the Austria, and the Nazis, and Julie Andrews) which I managed to kind of sleep through. Second of all, it was misting as I walked to the subway in Queens...and POURING as I emerged in Manhattan (and this is what we call 'the best borough'? really? REALLY?!?!).

In honor of this wet, hair-ruining, sweaty-morning, why-am-I-not-sleeping?, where-the-ef-is-the-sun?, weather I present:


Things I like about rain

1) Good for plants/trees/environment. I don't really care about plants/trees/the environment but I know some people do and I want those people to like me so...

2) Makes it easier to take a nap. Normally I am plagued by a small sense of 'what if?' when I take a nap. Like, 'what if I should be curing cancer right now instead of taking a nap?' or 'what if I should be out walking around with a metal detector in the hopes of discovering pirate treasure instead of taking this nap?' or 'what if I could be out shopping and buying myself things I don't need instead of lying here horizontally?' etc. etc. But when it's raining, I know that there's absolutely NOTHING I would want to be doing outside/other places besides my bed

3) My rain boots. A girl's got to accessorize, OK?!


FIN.

YUP.

That's REALLY it. I HATE RAIN!

Queens and I are making up

Tonight I went out to dinner to one of the BEST Thai restaurants-Sri Pra Phai. I had delish pickled spare ribs, a crunchy water cress salad and some crunchy soft shell crab. OH, and let's not forget the coconut rice! (please don't tell the rice that I almost forgot about it. I think it will be pissed/holds grudges).

So, Queens is making amends. Sure, it took me two+ hours to do laundry on Sunday, and some jerk has my left hand car mirror...but who can even think of such things when their stomach is full of tasty thai?

Queens 15
Becky-12

Still in a fight with Queens

You might notice that my last blog entry has 234834 different fonts in it. I take that to mean that Queens still wants a piece of me...in which case I say: BRING IT ON !

In a fight with Queens

I'm the kind of person that thinks that you can't make fun of people unless you're 'one of them'. Hence my habit of making jew/chick/white trash/poor people/CT/preppy/did I say jew? jokes. If YOU were to make the same jokes that I do I would totally tell my mom on you, but for me it’s fine. Sandy doesn’t need to know anything…

I feel the same way about living in Queens. People say that Brooklyn is the only 'cool' outer borough to live in and how 'Da Bronx is the last frontier in NYC. And then they talk about how Queens is a big cemetery. That IS so not true. I mean, MY apartment isn't on a cemetery and I live in Queens so…uh…there goes your argument! I always have Queens back.

Even when I am joking about Queens (see previous posts for evidence) it is out of love.

Yesterday, my love for Queens was tested. I am still reeling...let me tell you about it.'

I woke up around 10:30, just because. There wasn't any noise in the street and it wasn't ridiculoudly hot in my apartment. Queens wasn't out to get me...yet. I messed around on the computer, went out into the living room and saw that Jamie was sitting there. We decided, around noon that we were ready to do laundry.

BIG mistake. My ENTIRE neighborhood, who must have had a block meeting to organize in preparation, was at the laundromat. As if laundry isn't annoying enough, when you have your choice of machine, and a place to sit...let's imagine the place FILLEd with people and their dirty crap. Lord give me strength...

We saw some washers open and headed over, only to be told by this 'woman' (I say 'woman' because though she was anatomically a lady she lacked the CLASS that makes a real woman) that she would be using all 5 of them. Oh, and then because we were so presumptuous to assume that we could use the PUBLIC machines, she gave us a dirty look. B-word.

Queens 1
Becky -1

I mean, you need to use ALL 5 washers lady?! Is this ‘Big Love’ and you need to wash clothes for 16 kids, and your 3 co-wives? I mean, let’s not be ridiculous. This is not your apartment. I didn’t wander off the street and demand to use your crap.

So we waited some more, and then when two washers were done (read: the people who owned the clothes weren’t there so we had to become THOSE people who remove clothes from the washer and leave them in a basket. The guy whose clothes I got to man-handle had a thing for wife-beaters and yellow boxer briefs) we got in there. Then a few more opened…

Fast forward, and eventually our clothes were done…

Except, no dryers were free. WTF pt. 1 why aren’t any dryers free? What am I paying you guys for?! WTF pt. 2 why didn’t I realize that no dryers would be free? Washers take 20 minutes, dryers take at least 45!

Queens 2

Becky -2

Let’s keep in mind the fact that it was 80 and humid. Standing in an un-airconditioned laundromat by the dryers might possibly be the third worst place to try and cool off…(#1 in an oven while it’s on #2 a sauna)

So we wait for the dryers for 15 minutes

Queens 3

Becky -3

And finally put our stuff in. While our clothes were drying, we went to the grocery store (I got the most delish cherries-yay!) to maximize time. All was well and good until…I noticed something about my car that was parked on the street DIRECTLY IN FRONT of the apartment.

It was missing its left front mirror.

Queens 17

Becky -20

WHAT?! This is the closest my car has ever been parked to my apartment and here it was, an amputee. I mean, if my car had decided to become a pirate and ripped off its own mirror in exchange for a peg leg that’s one thing. That shows my car has good taste/a sense of humor. But for someone ELSE to rip off my car’s mirror, not leave a note, and just SUCK…is SUCKY!

In short, Queens and I will probably pull through this disagreement. But I am on the offensive now. I’m watching you Queens. If you fuck up again, I just might have to move to California to open a pizza place with my roommates. Not that we’ve given this any thought (holey ineo pizza. Possible gimic: our pizza is missing a circular piece in the center, hence the ‘holey’. In the holey space we’d put a fresh baked dessert).