SHUT THE F up!

WHOA WHOA WHOA. I am very upset! I can't tell if angry or disappointed or sad...or just plain pissed. GOD! Sorry, I mean HASHEM!


Not with you, don't worry. You can stop calling me a B I T C H now, and going into your memory vault to find insults to hurl at me. And, please don't post that horrible pic on my facebook wall right now. PLEASE DON'T! STOOOOOOPPPPPPP.

How quickly you guys turn on me...

No, I'm angry/disappointed/sad/pissed at myself.

Did you know it's been just about two months since my last blog entry? I knew it had been a while. I knew for sure that I hadn't blogged in 2010...but I thought that at the very least, I had given you something to salivate over in December.

Turns out I don't know myself as well as I thought I did. You spend 24/7 with someone, know their innermost thoughts, look through all their gchat conversations, go on vacation with them (yeah did you know I just got back from Israel?! YUP...Third time doing the same trip. If it ain't broke, don't fix it I guess. Haha, what? Was he laughing? But yeah, it was fun. The weather was out of control yo yo yo! And my co-staff were great! And my participants were fun too! Not to mention the Shwarma and Diet Coke...mmmm. Yeah they have Diet Coke there! It's not a third world country!), brush their hair, brush their teeth, do their laundry, eat dinner with them...and you'd think you have a bit of a handle on who they are and what they're about.

But you'd be wrong.

I want you to know though, that I am really going to try to make this work. It's not all of you, it's me. I've been selfish, I've been wrong. I've drank too much. I've probably slept around (can't really remember...awkwardly enough) and this girl, what's her name?, told me I forgot to call you on your birthday. I AM SO SORRY. I am going to try to make it better. Not just for you and me...but for our baby too.

Haha, sorry. We don't have a baby...

Do we?

MORE SOON!

Things I'm thankful for

1) Bagels

Just kidding! I mean, I'm not kidding about 'being thankful for bagels' but I am kidding about jumping into my blog entry. You know I like to do intros and kind of ramble on for a bit and keep talking, and, use lots of commas, in my sen,tences before I get to the meat of what I'm saying.

What am I saying?

Oh yeah. So it's almost Thanksgiving! YAY! Doesn't it feel like it was JUST Thanksgiving? No, I don't think so either. It feels like ages since I didn't have to work on a Thursday AND Friday (without using vacation days--holla!). And I can't remember the last time I gorged myself without feeling embarrassed. The holiday season really is the best, isn't it?

Well, much like the Jewish New Year, and the Regular New Year (year of our lord 2010--peace be with you), and days when you're trying to be a decent human-being, Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on what you're thankful for. I dig that. I have a lot of things and have been fairly blessed in my life bla bla bla.

1) Bagels. Well I already started with bagels, so I can't really leave this off. Bagels ARE the best (minus the calories and the shameful feeling I get when I eat a whole one--'shouldn't you have just had half a bagel, Becky?')


2) Fremily/Fands. I don't want to give preference to my fremily/or fands...so I thought I'd lump them in together. What a special group of people! They listen to me talk (which apparently I do a lot), and I listen to them blab on about who even knows what?/cares?. We spend time together you know...eating or walking or shopping or going to things. We gchat basically every day (except for Saturday and Sunday-I'm busy!) I am so thankful for all of you!


3) Cats. What would I do without cats in my life? I mean, not that I currently have any cats...or play with cats on a regular basis (Dave and Mara-your cat doesn't count as a real cat because she barely purrs and doesn't love me like all cats should/do)...but I am thankful that they exist. out there. for other people...

4) Sunshine. Isn't sunshine the best? Imagine a warm July day, no work, no pressing errands, on a rooftop in Queens, with the sun beating down on your face... I am thankful for that.

P.S. If my landlady asks, I don't know how to get up on the roof/have never been up there/ didn't even know my apartent has a roof. OKAY?!

5) Music. I read a quote yesterday that said something like 'music is feelings put into sound'. Isn't that pretty? It also explains why I listen to so much emo.

6) TV. OH GOD. TV IS THE BEST. I know what you're thinking. 'Didn't Becky just say that bagels were the best?'. YES I DID. What are you going to do about it?

7) Money. I would say 'my job' except my job is, well, you know. I'm sure I've told you about it. I am thankful that my job gives me MONEY though. I use money to buy clothes I don't need and eat lots of unhealthy food. I also use it to buy alcohol and candy (could candy count as food? probably). Money, I am so thankful for you!

8) Health. I'm relatively healthy...knock on wood (pfft pfft pfft)...I'm thankful for that. Going to the doctor is for suckers!

9) Alcohol. Perhaps the best framily/fand one could ask for...

10) MISC. I can't make this list much longer because I am about the peace the F out of here for my long weekend, but I would be remiss if I didn't mention that I was thankful for freedom, and democracy, and Barack Obama, and Ryan Gosling, and the color purple, and feathers, and my car, and my BED! MY BED IS SO COMFORTABLE (not that anyone ever sees it but...)


HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

The thing is...

...I actually don't really want to have kids. YET. One day I think I'd be a fine mom, but today? NO. I am way too self-centered and I get bored REALLY easily. OH I'm sorry...were you talking?

Uh huh.

WOW.

That is crazy!

So what did you say?

He really said that back? WHAT A DOUCHE!


Can we get back to me now?

That being said, I find myself partaking of many 'motherly' activities. First, I play with babies all the time (just kidding) and second, I can't stop getting pregnant (also kidding). I also hang out at Babies R Us like it's my job, and have hung a mobile above my bed. Those were both jokes too. GOD. Do you people even have a sense of humor? No, not individual senses of humor...one COLLECTIVE sense of humor?

But seriously, I had a facebook baby...RIP. No no. She's not dead...I just don't play with her anymore (see above). And I have a facebook pet. YAY!! PAMPLEMOUSSE! I still play with her on a basically daily basis. Here's a picture I snapped of her just this morning...

*sigh*...Now I have a facebook farm. I consider a myself a sort of 'mother Earth' to this farm...planting seeds, harvesting crops, decorating. I get real satisfaction out of fake planting my sake feeds...wait a second. Did you catch what I did just there? I wrote SAKE FEEDS instead of FAKE SEEDS! HAHAH! WOW! Anyway, I get real satisfaction out of my fake farm w/ fake plants and fake animals and fake coins. Maybe it's just the coins that I really like...


Anyway, last Friday I took my motheringness (motherocity? motheration?) to the next step and bought a REAL pet with my roommate, Jamie. Now I have a TANGIBLE THING I can take care of on a daily basis. Too bad I don't get any coins for dressing it...


My new pet is a small fiddler crab. His name is Padma Sanchez. We kind of named him before we bought him...so hopefully the whole 'female name thing'/the fact that we keep calling him 'her' won't be too confusing for her. I mean him. DAMNIT!

We brought him home, and put him in a little fish bowl. Depending on what we're doing we move the fish bowl around the apartment. If we're cooking dinner, we'll place Padma in his bowl and sit him on the kitchen counter. Or if we're watching TV (like 'The Amazing Race' for example...BEST. SHOW. EVER.) we'll set him right on the coffee table so he can watch along with us.


He doesn't really do too much. Mostly he walks sideways and tries to fling himself out of his bowl (we think we're smothering him...that's the only explanation we can think of. I mean, why else wouldn't he want to spend his time in a small fish bowl with a big faux-flower plant in it and black/rainbow colored pebbles..?). Also, he eats by picking food up with his one big claw and shoving it into his mouth. It's really unattractive. Before he starts dating his two mommies probably need to sit him down and explain proper etiquette. Also, he sleeps/doesn't move so we think he's dead. Does that count as something that he does?

Anyway, it is nice to have a crab who doesn't talk, or really move, and backs away from me when I walk towards him. It just gives me a warm fuzzy feeling when I come home, you know? Sure he's not a cat

or dog
or ferret
or duckling
or my little pony

but he's Padma and that's enough for me!

'Top Chef' drinking game

HELLO HELLO. A 2 for 2 special! 2 blogs in 2 days! Step right up! Get your blog while it's hot!

I just blogged yesterday and here I am, blogging again. It feels good to not be so busy at work / to not care / to be doing something productive. Blogging's productive, right?

I did an SRS (simple random sample...emphasis on the 'simple' and 'sample' and not on 'ramdom'...because the sample wasn't exactly random) and determined that I should write about 'Top Chef' today. IT IS GETTING CLOSE TO THE SEASON FINALE! OMG OMG OMG! Are you all as excited as I am?

(Please note: The IDIOT chef from Michigan, featured on the bottom right corner of this picture, actually looks hot. Whoever did her makeup is a genius!)


In preparation for the last few episodes Jamie, Shane and I (see below) prepared a 'Top Chef' drinking game. It was written on a piece of 'MEMO' paper in the back of my planner and is currently hanging on our fridge. I think I can remember most of the rules, so I thought I'd share.

'Top Chef' drinking game (take one sip when each of the following things happens):

1) Jennifer turns Red (while cooking, while being outside, while talking, while talking about cooking...)


2) Kevin smiles with his eyes



3) The brothers get into a fight

4) They show Eli walking from a distance (aka Eli walking in a funny manner)

5) The male chefs wear matching white t-shirts w/ black pants, and sit in a row on the couch.

6) Robin talks too much.

7) Padma slurs


8) Tom spits someone's food out.

9) Toby makes a British comment (did you know he was British?)

10) Padma wears a onezie outfit that combines a tank top and pants via one piece of fabric (did you know they made onezies for adults?)

11) Michael Valtaggio curses.

12) Kevin tries to chat in the waiting room during judges' table.

13) The judges' table music comes on (BANG, BOOM BANG, BOOM BANG BONG...).

14) A chef makes a comment about cooking 'their food' (as if all the food they're cooking isn't their food?)

15) A chef messes w/ someone else's burner/pots/ingredients.

16) Jennifer cooks fish.

Please let me know if you can think of any more!! DRINKS AWAY!

My rock star demands (and Kate's)

Hello Hello. Jolly Good Wednesday, isn't it?

No? Yeah, me either. BLAH. IT IS NOT EVEN 4:00 YET! Do you have any fun plans for tonight? Yeah, I'm going to kind of lay low. I want to go pick up some Gogol Bordello concert tickets, and then I'll probably just head home, make some dinner, catch up on some TV ('gossip girl', 'intervention', 'top chef'---it's actually NEW this week I think!), go to bed. YUP! It's pretty exciting.

Oh I might read, too. Did I mention that?

Yeah I'm in this book club in Queens. We read books and then discuss them. And eat. Oh we eat a lot. Usually a main course, salad, a few side dishes, cookies. Last time there was beer too.


Anyway, Rebecca sent me an article today about outrageous demands that some Hip Hop artists have for their concert dressing rooms. If you want to read the article here's a link to it:

http://www.11points.com/Music/11_Most_Ridiculous_Concert_Demands_By_Hip-Hop_Artists

I found this article highly amusing (as I'm sure you will too). I mean, GOD. How ridiculous can you be? A box of condoms? For what? Finger puppets? I mean no one should be using that many condoms in one night, right? Unless you're a minute man or something...uh...anyway. I sent the article to Kate and she and I got to talking about what OUR demands would be if we were rock stars. Kate actually shared her list first, but this is MY blog so I'll list my demands followed by hers.

My rock star demands. DEMANDS!
1) Box of kittens. To keep me company and be adorable. They need to be potty-trained though. EW!


2) Skittles. Separated by color because sometimes you're in the mood for yellow, but sometimes you're not.

3) Skirt Steak. MMM


4) A tempur-pedic mattress + canopy bed + jersey knit sheets (on the bed...which would obviously already be made up for me).

5) A pair of yoga pants + big, soft, cotton t-shirt.

6) Rock band (set up for me). This rock band would have to include ALL the instruments.


7) Water + Vodka + Tonic (A gallon of each...not because I would drink that much but because all of the hip hop artists on the list seemed to want gallons of things...and if they can have gallons of things then I can have gallons of things too!)

I finished my list up with these items. Kate told me I wasn't being demanding enough. I agreed. So I added:

8) Naked Ryan Gosling. Do I need to explain this? and

9) A diamond ring. I would demand that each city provide me with a different diamond ring in my dressing room. The diamond ring would have to be at least 1.5 CTW (carat total weight, duh!) and be cast in white gold.



Kate's rock star demands. DEMANDS!!

1) A tiara (made of metal...NOT of fake plastic)


2) A blanket made of faux mink (just because she's demanding doesn't mean she's not ethical)

3) Slippers w/ various animal heads on the toes. Various slippers w/ various animals heads = A nice selection.

4) Gallon of Baileys.

5) A trampoline (can you dig?!)

6) A masseur who speaks little English but knows how to ask her if she wants a happy ending (tee hee)

And they lived happily ever after...


What are your rock star demands? Feel free to leave a comment w/ them. I won't read it because I'll be too busy playing w/ my naked Ryan Gosling....but you can still leave it for someone else to read? maybe?

Things I like about Poutine

OK. I know what you're thinking. 'Why is Becky writing a blog entry about Poontang? That's disgusting! GOD! What has gotten into her? At first I missed reading her blog, but now that I realize she's a pervert I say 'good riddance! Let's stone her!'' (ok really people? stoning? God...what is it 1700?)

But I'm not writing about poontang. I'm writing about that next week!

Seriously though, I'm not. I'm writing about POUTINE. Poutine is a food that I heard about from my roomies (FANSTA GANGSTA IN DA HOUSE, WHATTTTTTTTTT) when they were travelling to Montreal in the spring. It's a regional food in Canada. You might recall that I went to Montreal last fall...but I didn't have any while I was there, and furthermore I hadn't even heard of it. I guess I am not the hip link in our chain.

They were excited to try it before they left, and when they came back they had nothing but good things to say about the dish.

I am no follower, but because my roomates said they liked something, and I have no opinions of my own, I thought 'I have to try this Poutine stuff!'. Then I asked Jamie and Shane if I could, and they said 'yes'.


Flash forward to September when Jason and I went to Toronto for the weekend. Among the foods on our list to try, Poutine was towards the top (Jason might not have known that, but that doesn't make it any less true for me). Finally, one night, we went into a burger place ('craft' burger. REALLY GOOD. unfortunately, any relation between 'craft burger' in Canada and the American hottie Tom Colicchio has yet to be proved) that had Poutine on the menu. I WAS SO EXCITED!

They say when you meet 'the one' you just know. Time stops. Your priorities change. Life becomes clear. And all of those things happened for me when I took that first bite of Poutine.


Since that fateful night, life has been a rollercoaster and for me, there's no turning back.

Things I like about Poutine

1) French Fries. The main ingredient of Poutine. I'm slightly obsessed w/ french things (read: I have a baguette tatood on my...well...you'll just have to imagine where...and I wear a beret 24/7, and am snotty, and surrender at the drop of a dime. Wait, you dropped a nickel. Do you want me to pick that up for you? Oh you dropped another one. What are you doing?...Stop droppping your change! Why are you doing that? There are dimes everywhere!! I give up! I give up! anyway...), and I love anything that's fried...so french + fries = duh


2) Gravy. *Shudder* Gravy is sinfully delicious isn't it? I could practically bathe in the stuff. Imagine fries with gravy on top of them. If you can imagine that, you're imaginging 2/3 of what Poutine is.


3) Cheese curds. I know the word curd sounds gross. It sounds kind of like 'tur'd and I don't know about you, but I don't eat poop...often. (Look it happens, ok? And don't act like you're above it!) But cheese curds are actually pretty tasty. Actually, anything with the word 'cheese' in it is pretty...mmm....good. It's really hard to type while you're drooling. Ever notice that? It gets all over the keyboard.

Fries w/ gravy on top of them w/ cheese curds mixed in = why am I eating this?/I feel like I want to die/my stomach might explode!/I've never been this happy in my whole life.




Looking for some Poutine??? Why don't you try this place? And then bring me with you and pay for me!! <3<3<3<3

http://www.tpoutine.com/

They have a candy basket by the register too...so not only can you have Poutine, you can also get free dessert!

I AM OLD (and apparently PRETTY lazy...or just pretty...heyyyy)

I don't have a list prepared for this entry, or really anything witty to say (You: do you ever have anything witty to say? Me: F. Y. P. ---> I'll let you wonder what that stands for...). But, a few weeks ago it was my birthday. WOO. Or something...

Actually, I had to wake up really early, and then drive in a cargo van w/ a Russian guy named Leon down to Philly for this work thing so it wasn't as magical a birthday as it could have been. BUT, I will say that

1) I talked to a lot of my friends and family members
2) I ate a delicious chicken gyro
3) I wore my gold/black/sparkly belt which always makes me feel $eXXXy
4) I had dinner w/ Kristyn and Heather (BYOB-what up!) and
5) Ate bacon wrapped shrimp (I didn't know this type of food actually existed in reality vs. in my mind as a joke about something being not kosher)
6) Drank wine
7) Was in my king size, all expenses paid, bed by 12:30

Oh and,

8) I turned 24 which officially puts me into my mid-20s. Who let this happen to me? I am not ready!

So, all in all, it wasn't a total bust. Tomorrow I am blogging about Poutine...so if anyone out there ACTUALLY STILL READS THIS...don't lose faith! There is a light at the end of this dark 'why isn't Becky blogging because we know she can't be as busy as she says she is and what does she think we'll wait around forever?' tunnel.