As Valentines Day approaches...why can't we just be friends?

I have a bit of a shopping problem. Don't get me wrong...I'm not homeless or anything. I haven't ended my marriage over my credit card debt. My room isn't completely full of shopping bags. And I don't have tons of fancy clothing dangling with pricetags in my closet. Moderation, kitties, Moderation.

But yeah...I have been known to stimulate the 'ol economy from time to time. Nothing too big though. Just...shirts...and pants...and earrings...and books...and DVDs...and cars...and condos...and failing real estate developments. I maintain a certain balance in my savings account though, so it's 'all good' as the young people say.

One store that I particularly enjoy shopping at is New York & Company. They have these AWESOME pants that look just like dress pants but are actually sweat pants. My style is basically sweatpants meets high fashion so obvi these pants some of the best things to ever happen to me (yes I said 'things'. I have more than one pair, duh!).

I was returning something to NY & CO a few months ago when the cashier asked me if I would want to be on their e-mail list. I said 'sure' and started to get e-mail updates on a daily basis from them. Some of the coupons they sent my way were pretty good...

Then a few weeks ago I received this message:


(Author's note-you can double click on the picture to make it bigger)

WHOA. 'Get into our pants!'...New York & Company I hardly know you! I mean, I will be the first person to rave about their sweatpants/pants (see above)...but to come on to me, so strongly, is hardly necessary. Don't they know anything about dating? Or anything about 'the rules'?

First of all, if you like someone...you should only e-mail them occasionally. And second of all, after the first official meeting (for us that would be the day when I subscribed to their e-mail list) you're supposed to wait at least three days to contact the object of your affection. I'm pretty sure they sent me an e-mail immediately.

Third of all, I haven't been back to the store since our first rendez-vous. Think about that for a second. Let that idea marinate in your head. NY & CO chase, chase, chases...and yet I don't bite, bite, bite back. So in a moment of desperation, that, in all likelihood was alcohol enthused or came at the tail-end of a screening of some romantic movie like 'When Harry Met Sally', they thought they would throw themselves at me. Shamelessly. GET INTO OUR PANTS! Maybe, they thought, I wasn't getting their message.

Did they stop and think for a second that maybe I'm just not that into them? Or that subtlety wasn't their problem? 'Oh, NY & CO sends me coupons every day...do you think they like me? I mean, not like me...LIKE like me. I always thought of NY & CO as a friend...nothing more than that. But maybe we'd be good together? I mean, they're a little short and our senses of humor are different...and they're not Jewish....but we could make it work, right?'. FALSE.

NY & Company is a great store. Don't get me wrong. They have a lot of clothing and accessories that plenty of girls and some bi-curious men would be happy to get into. They're cute. They're stylish. They're cheap. I like them...but they're not Target or H&M.

But now let me avoid subtlety and be a bit more direct.

New York & Company if you're reading this, this is for you: I'm not that into you. Sure, of my own accord, when I'm bored in my apartment, I might walk down to 30th avenue and Steinway st. and peruse your sweatpants/trouser section...but that's on my terms. Don't try to coerce me into your pants! Seriously! Desperation is not attractive on you. I don't want things to be awkward between us...because I will, from time to time, want to enter you (that's what she said hehehe). So please, as we approach Valentines Day, and we put our life in perspective, can we just be friends?

(Please note how stylish this friendship necklace is. Things have really changed since I was a kid)

Things that have blown my mind lately

Hello, Hello. What a glorious morning on this the 9th day of February 2010. A slight chill in the air. A slight chill in my office (when are we ever going to get this heating figured out, huh?). A slight chill in my heart (not really, but I thought it would sound dramatic). And yet...the sun shines. It's all going to be alright! You hear that, everyone? It's going to be alright!

*Imakenopromisesofthissopleasedon'tsuemeorholdmetoanything,capiche?!*


I want to share some things with you, now. Imagine that. Me sharing things. You reading. It's like our relationship is being redefined. @ . Anyway...

1) Pickle & Cheese Tasting/Pairing Class. Debbie treated me to a tasting class at Whole Foods for my Birthday. I had high hopes for the event. I love pickles. I love cheese. (Who doesn't, right? Actually, if you don't...why don't you do us all a favor and just navigate away from this page? We don't want your kind here. Oh don't worry. I'll wait. I have all day...) Separately they're great, but what about when these entities are brought together? How do they fare? EVEN BETTER. One combo of cheese + pickle -- > soy sauce taste in my mouth! WHOA! IT BLEW MY MIND! It also blew my mind how these three women in the front row kept asking questions like they were in a private tasting class but...I digress.


2) Spa Castle. OH. MY. GOD. I went a few weeks ago w/ C8lin and Brooke. What a day. I don't really want to go into too much detail but here are some key words that come to mind when I think back on that glorious day: Asian. Uniforms. Watches. Nudity. Fro Yo. Massage. Sex?. Confusion. Joy. Funny. Sauna. Gold. Gemstones. Infrared. Children. Communism. Pools. Fancy. Views. Couches.

For more details please visit c8lin/kel-c's blog: http://starsquigglystar.blogspot.com/2010/02/spa-castleinspa-worldheaven.html

Suffice it to say, that my MIND WAS BLOWN.

3) NINJA SUSHI. My friend Kelsy decided to leave NYC (BOO. HISS. I know, I know) and had a going away dinner last Friday night. The venue for this soiree was Ninja New York in the financial district. MY GOD. You guys know I like Ninjas and Pirates, right? Well...IMAGINE A NINJA THEMED RESTAURANT...W/ NINJA WAITERS...and MAGIC TRICKS! It was, as they say, 'Basically Epic'. The company wasn't so bad, either ;) And let's not forget the Lady Gaga sing-along. Sigh.

(Type Lady + Gaga + Ninja into Google Image Search and this is what you'll get)

4) TRADER JOES (in Queens)! We've oft talked about visiting the elusive Trader Joes in Queens. Coordinating our schedules proved to be a bit difficult but finally we made the journey this Sunday. First, I couldn't find my car keys so Josh had to drive. Second, we went the wrong way on the way from Mara's apartment to Debbie's apartment. Third, we drove too far on the BQE and missed the exit for the Grand Central Parkway. Fourth, we arrived. WHAT A MECCA! This Trader Joes in Queens was worth the wait and the drive. The aisles can fit three full shopping carts across (one cart on the left, one cart on the right, one cart passing between the two) and are fully stocked. There are cheap packaged salads...They have challah bread...There's cheap beer. The lines are manageable and don't extend throughout all the aisles of the store (Trader Joes in Union Square you know what I'm talking about. Don't even play innocent with me right now. Don't. Even. !!!!). I bought $70 worth of groceries and you know what? I don't regret a penny of it

5) A *NEW*ish song from Acceptance--'Desperate'. This doesn't matter to any of you I don't think...but F U SUCKAZ! I'M WRITIN' THIS BLOG, YO! I PUT UP WHAT I WANTZZZ 2. Anyway, Acceptance is one of my favorite bands...except they broke up. Like...4 years ago. I found out that they put up an unreleased demo on their myspace in November (yes...it was put upt in November and I'm JUST hearing about it. SUE ME! Actually, no don't sue me. That's the opposite of the point I'm trying to make...anyone?) and I've been listening to it non-stop for the past week. Oh Jason Vena...your voice heals me! An unreleased demo 4 years after a band breaks up...that BLOWS MY MIND.

(Those are song lyrics...the first two parts...not the part in parentheses. parenthesis? BAH!)

6) Edamame Hummus. This could probably go under the 'Trader Joes' section but I don't want to put it there. TAKE THAT WORLD! PFT PFT PFT. Anyway, it's just ground soy beans...and it's vegan...but it tastes so creamy. How do they do that? STOP MESSING w/ me Joe! It's not right!

BYE!

Let's pretend I wrote this

My friend/co-worker/bestie, Jenn, forwarded me something really great last night. It's a letter to alcohol. I found it very enjoyable and frankly, was sad that I didn't write it myself (I did add in the pictures, though) I think this letter is something that you, my audience and humble fans, would enjoy. So I'm going to paste it in here for your perusal.

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I’m a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you’re even around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we’re stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I’ve been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

1. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a kebab, a butter chicken curry along with a sausage with cheese, onion and mustard (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few sweet chilli and sour cream red rock chips)? I’m an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

1. Clumsiness: Unless you’re subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It’s completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

Furthermore, the hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening’s debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You’ve been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don’t know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,

Your biggest fan

February is going to be Legendary!

I don't really think it is...but not many words rhyme or even SOUND similar to February.

It's been a...good? mediocre? awesome? fun? boring? February so far. I've done some things...

like eat (almost a whole box of perogies, almost a whole container of Ben & Jerry's ice cream...though to be fair it's a small container, some pizza, some dumplings, at least 10 pieces of chocolate, birthday cake, macadamia nuts, goldfish...rainbow colors!, chicken, salad...P.S. DO NOT EAT BAGGED LETTUCE! Debbie sent me an article that basically said bagged lettuce is dirty. I am upset about this. As I explained to Kristyn, I buy bagged lettuce because I don't like washing lettuce...but...if I'm going to buy it AND have to wash it there's no point. Bagged Lettuce, It's been fun...We had a good run but I think it's time we see other people)...

and sleep (not enough though! but honestly, when is it ever enough? I wonder what it would be like to...for two weeks...sleep in every day as late as you wanted? Do you think you'd eventually feel well rested. I don't know the last time I've had that luxury. I always have SOMETHING to do. I like to think that if I gave myself the chance I'd be able to feel well rested...but I will probably never know. SAD!)

and read (You all know that JD Salinger died last week, right? Oh sorry. Sorry! I didn't realize he was your favorite author. Wait a second, really? Him? Egg? He's not for us...Anyway. I had been reading 'Water for Elephants' and couldn't get into it so I picked up 'Franny and Zooey' from my bookshelf and decided to give that another shot. I had started reading it a while ago but never finished and I thought 'carpe diem!'. Yes, I thought an exclamation point. Isn't that amazing? Well, let me tell you...People have been giving me looks and finding it necessary to comment on the fact that I'm reading 'Franny and Zooey' in tribute to JD Salinger. 'Wow that's really great. I bet lots of people have been reading JD Salinger stuff since he died'. UM. I'm really not paying tribute. I swear! It's a good book though! Next up: 'Home Land' for book club on Tuesday)

and drink (I bought this really good <3 strawberry <3 beer at the grocery store last week. I def. recommend it to you if you're into fruity things (that's what she said! how do we feel about parentheses inside of parentheses??). It's Pete's Wicked Ale Strawberry bla bla something. Is that enough info for you to be able to find it? Or do you need more? Oh and I've been housing tea like it's my job. Dear Lemon Tea, I feel that you are the reason I have not contracted swine flu yet. PFT PFT FPT knock on wood x 10 etc. etc. etc.)

and laugh (what is up with THIS guy? http://www.details.com/sex-relationships/sex-and-other-releases/201001/americas-first-legal-male-prostitute)

and dance (mostly alone in my room but venue doesn't really matter much, does it?)

TO BE CONTINUED...

Things I should be doing

I AM SO TIRED.

UGH.

I really hate being tired.

Don't you?

Have I ever told you about how when I was little I used to put myself to sleep? My parents would be watching TV or curing cancer or putting together puzzles or painting the walls (whatever it is they did, I'm not exactly sure)...and suddenly they'd wonder where I was...and they'd look around for me only to find me sound asleep in my crib (and later on my bed. I only slept in a crib til I was 16 or 17....years. hehe. JK. @ . ----> did you read this article? http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/news/6995354/Sarcasm-punctuation-mark-aims-to-put-an-end-to-email-confusion.html ? It talks about how they're coming up with a new punctuation mark to represent sarcasm so that people won't be confused in e-mails/chats when other people are being sarcastic. Because I'm too cheap to pay for the actual punctuation mark download I have decided to use '@ . ' to represent sarcasm. You might be seeing it a lot in here.)

Anyway, the point of that story was to tell you that I've always had a hard time staying awake when I'm tired. My first instinct when I'm sleepy is to put myself to sleep in my crib. I mean my bed.

So why am I awake right now then? If my first instinct when I'm tired is to tuck myself in and I'm tired right now. GOOD QUESTION.

The thing is, I'm going to DC tomorrow. I know what you're thinking 'Weren't you just in DC Becky? You know, that weekend when it snowed 24"? (true story)'. Why yes, yes I was. Thank you for remembering.

My friend/co-worker Michelle got tickets to tour THE WHITE HOUSE (!!!!!! INFINITY !!!!) for Friday morning so Debbie and I are going down tomorrow afternoon to meet up w/ Michelle and spend the weekend there.

This means that before I go to bed I need to:

a) charge my ipod (first priority)
b) pack my clothes
c) pack my toiletries
d) pack my accessories
e) pack my knives (@ . )

For some reason though, I'm here, typing to you. Isn't that sweet/stupid? I think so too.

BYE!

'Beckytastic'-not what you would think

So it continues.

As if it wasn't bad enough that my name means...well, you know what...I have now come to learn that an adjective with my name in it is also not so positive/virtuous/cool.

If you saw the word 'Beckytastic' what would you think it meant?

I would think it meant 'full of sunshine' or maybe even 'awesome'. I would muse that 'Beckytastic' has to combine other adjectives like 'sparkly' and 'shiny' and 'pretty' and 'cute' and 'fashionable' in one word. A big task, but some adjective has to do it.


The suspense must be killing you, I know. So let me put an end to your misery and just SHOW you what 'Beckytastic' means:


Things to notice about this picture

1) The first line of the definition 'A girl who is very prostitute-like' *see prostitute*
WHAT?! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE. First Becky means...*shudder* and now Beckytastic is synonymous with PROSTITUTE? I RESENT THAT! I might have been called a prostitute one time by that guy who was working on the set of 'Million Dollar Password'...but he was an idiot.

2) Look at the bottom of the page. DATE RAPE? MARIJUANA? I don't know what these icons are...maybe things that people who look up Beckytastic would like? Or maybe other words besides 'prostitute' that Beckytastic is similar to? The whole 'PHILADELPHIA' thing is kind of weird...though I did spend a fair amount of time in Philadelphia last year.

3) The left column of related words like 'Becky's face' and 'becky's mom' (SPB? what did she ever do to you!) and 'Becky Longback'. I'm curious what all of these things mean but I don't know if my heart can take it.

My little heart is pit-pit-pattering away but it can only take so much!

In other news, my left eye really itches but I can't touch it because I have make up on and I don't want to mess it up.

In other news, My throat is sore so I've had four cups of tea today! Did you know that most of what we drink and call tea is actually NOT tea? Tea comes from one specific plant, but if you have other things like just MINT or ROSE...those are called Tisanes if they're not mixed with the tea leaf. AND did you know...actually...why don't I make a seperate blog on this topic?

STAY TUNED!

What 'Becky' really means

It might shock you to know that I am a bit self-centered.

I know what you're thinking...'Becky...YOU? Self-centered? PSHHH...nooo way!'

Cut the crap. You and I know that I am kind of into myself. I might not be THAT into myself because I'm not calling myself, or asking myself out on dates, or marrying myself (anyone?)...but I'm a fan of Becky and I'm not ashamed.

I mean, I have a blog all about myself for chrissakes! (that's how you spell it, right?)

It probably won't surprise you then, that I google searched 'Becky' last night. Honestly, it was a mistake. I was trying to google my FULL name...to see...how my public facebook profile looks (oh shutup! like you haven't done it! call me vain if you want...but at least I'm not a hypocrite. unless YOU search for your public facebook profile in which case I'd call you vain...what am I saying?) but I got distracted by something and instead just typed 'Becky'.

The first thing that came up was 'Becky' at www.urbandictionary.com. Let me say, that I LOVE Urban Dictionary. I've learned a lot from that website (like the meaning of 'stacks on deck' ) and have come to respect it. At the same time, I don't think my name really has ANYTHING to do with its content so I was curious what I would find when I clicked the link.

Little did I know what was coming...

Here is a print screened image of what I found (for any of you who are a little more...conservative...get over it!)


Wait a second...Becky is synonymous with what? And what is 'Plies'? I don't get it...

I was talking to Kate on the phone and she did a little research. Plies is the name of a rapper. In case you're not familiar with him, here he is in all his glory:

Nice converse with black laces, right?

Apparently, he has a song called 'Becky' which is what the first post at Urban Dictionary refers to. Here's a link to the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcKG4EJ6rsQ

Pretty classy, I know.

Oh and here are some highlights of lyrics to the song:

Can Miss Becky please raise her hand, bruh
I need some of that good head right now, bruh
I need that Becky

...

You Miss Becky? Let me know
Licky, Licky, I love that, Bro

...

Obviously, I am horrified. Mostly because I'm writing this at work and if they were to find out...awkward. But also because I feel like I did this to myself. I've ALWAYS wanted to find a song about ME / with the name 'Becky' in it. The closest I had come before this song was released by Plies was 'Baby Got Back' ('Oh my god Becky, look at her butt. It is SO big' etc. etc.). I've told a few people this and they've awkwardly laughed and smiled...


But I NEVER, EVER, EVER wanted this. I don't want people to...you know...and then drop my name like it's hot. My poor, innocent, never hurt ANYONE, name. My name wouldn't hurt a fly! Actually, it might. Flies are REALLY annoying.

I guess it's true what they say...you need to be careful what you wish for because if you're not specific about what you want, and like, hypothetically you say that you want someone to write a song named 'Becky' but you don't clarify what you want the content of said song to be, then some rapper will make a song about BJs and use your name in it... and then...it's all over.