Things I like about waiting

Hello, Friends!

It is a beautiful, Thursday afternoon. Have you all gotten a chance to go outside? I walked to the store during lunch...wow. I had my sunglasses on looking all cute...it was great. Except...when I had to come back inside. It's like...way too hot in here. We can't put the air conditioning on because of some uninteresting fact about my office building. As a result, I am slightly on edge.

(what's weird about this random picture I found on the internet is that I'm wearing the exact same outfit right now...)

And to top it all off, I'm waiting. I'm waiting for a phone call or an e-mail about something VERY important. I can't exactly say what it is...just in case...somehow...someone who I don't want to finds this blog. But, it is really driving me crazy. I try to keep myself busy with gchat or facebook or the news.

'Gosh' I think to myself as I click from facebook page to facebook page.

'It's probably time to go home already! I've done such a great job at distracting myself!'

I look at the clock and three minutes have passed. I go back to clicking and chatting.

'Are you F-ing kidding me? UGH'

So then I go back to chatting again...with about 10 people at once...lots and lots of lines of text. I laugh. I cry. I laugh some more. I cry again (what am I on the rag or something? too much?).

I look back at the clock. It's actually one minute earlier than the last time I looked at the clock. What the...

Things I like about waiting:
1) The intrigue / mystery. OOOHHHHHHH. AAAHHHH. In this particular situation, my thoughts while I'm waiting are something along the lines of: 'This call that I'm waiting for...when is it going to come? Or actually, is it even going to be a call? Or will they e-mail me? Will I hear my phone ring? Will I see my inbox message count go up? What will they say or write? What will I say or write, back?'. The questions could go on for hours! Isn't it great? And that's just situation specific intrigue and mystery. Usually the general waiting question of 'What's going to happen when what I'm waiting for happens?' is enough to keep me happy for a minute...or even, two!

2) Gives me something new to think about. I think about a lot of things like: what to wear today. what to eat right now. what to wear tomorrow. what to eat tomorrow. did I shower today? do I smell bad? Is that a cat? But sometimes I get bored of these mundane thoughts. Sometimes, I want something NEW to think about. Well, when I am waiting for something to happen, it's basically ALL I can think about. Goodbye thoughts about fashion. Goodbye narrative stream about how hot I am (temperature wise...ok). Enter thought sequence from above.

That's it. In conclusion, I hate waiting...so if these people could hurry up and give me the information that I need to know I'd REALLY appreciate it. BYE!

Why Am I Up So Early?

Should all the words in the title of this entry be capitalized? I'm not really sure.

In case you're not very smart or can't actually read, I'm awake right now. Actually, that doesn't make sense. You wouldn't have been able to read that, either. SHOOT. What to do. What to do.

It's 9:13 on a Tuesday. Some of you might be asking yourselves 'Why is Becky complaining, AGAIN, about being awake? She's at work, right?'

FALSE. I have today OFF of work. It's the 8th day of Passover (not for me...I ate PIZZA and GARLIC KNOTS and BEER last night. Well, I didn't eat the beer...I drank it. That would be weird if I had tried to chew it. I think you can probably choke from that...um...) and since I have no plans until this afternoon, I should be sleeping.

And yet, I'm not. WHY IS THAT? Why does my body refuse to let me sleep? Why is my body such a douchebag?

Since I haven't blogged in a little while, and I can't think of anything else to do right now, let me try and work out this phenomenon with all of you. Actually phenomenon, in my mind at least, implies something AWESOME or GOOD. Being awake this early...when I could be...and SHOULD be sleeping...is not AWESOME or GOOD.

Let's muse: Why Am I Up So Early?

1) Sleep is for suckers. I don't believe that on the outside. In fact, I think sleep is the bread of the soul (does that make sense? I can't really tell...being sleep deprived and all. Also, I only woke up two hours ago so...my mind still needs approximately 3 more hours to adjust to daytime). But maybe, deep down, I have beef with sleep and people who do it.


2) It's a beautiful day outside. Oh, I haven't actually looked out of the window or even gotten out of bed,yet...but maybe, I can tell, its going to be a beautiful day. Let's check weather.com...ohhh! High of 74 today. Some isolated thunderstorms MIGHT happen around noon, but other than that...b-e-a-utiful! My body's like 'let's get up and enjoy this weather!' Or is it?

3) I have something important to be doing. Maybe I need to cure cancer this morning. Or maybe I need to run some errands RIGHT NOW. Or maybe I need to be out walking the dog I don't have. Or maybe, I need to be writing a research paper for a class I'm not taking. Or maybe I have to go mail some timely information to someone at the post office. Or maybe...something else that is important.

4) Someone/Something needs my help with something/someone. Someone, SOMEWHERE, might need me! Maybe that's why I woke up! Little old lady tottering on the street corner, do you need an escort? Child who has lost his mommy, you want me to help you look for her? Plant in the livingroom, do you need water? Padma, are you starving again? (yes I wrote 'again'...long story...)

5) It's too hot in here. I have my fan on and I feel OK...but maybe...I actually AM too hot...and that's why I couldn't sleep?

6) Joie de vivre. I don't know if I'm going to a movie tonight but it is technically French movie night at the Alliance Francaise...so in the spirit of that...let me hypothesize that maybe, my joie de vivre, is keeping me awake. Life is just so exciting, isn't it? I saw this plastic bag floating around in the air last night and I thought to myself 'There's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I just want to BURST from it all. It's all so pretty' And then I said to my friend 'Hey take your shirt off. I have big eyebrows and want to videotape you'...wait...what?

7) Bugs. You all know I have a roach (just one...shh...) living in my closet. Well now, I have some weird millipedey type bug wearing my clothes. OK...not exactly WEARING my clothes but...crawling on my CLEAN laundry. How did you get in here? WHO LET YOU IN?! WE HAVE TWO DOORS! Anyway...maybe I woke up because I was thinking about this personal space intruder? EH...prob. not. Out of sight out of mind. GASP! IS THAT IT OVER THERE?! oh no. no...it's fine. That's just a piece of lint. GASP! AH! AH! IS THAT IT...oh...that's my shadow.



In conclusion, I don't know why I'm awake. But, here I am. And if you want to know, it's now 10:37 which means it took me over an hour to write this...ADD...what? who are you?

Things I like about dancing

Shalom Y'all. It's been a while since I did a 'things' blog entry, hasn't it? I used to be all up in that shiz. Things this, Things that, Things here, Things there. But, as you obviously can see, I stopped.

It just takes so much time to come up with lists of things...

And then the pictures. And who do I do this for? For me? For you?

I give and I give...and you take and you take. You don't call. You don't write. You don't even ask your mother how she is...

But, here I am, starting over, trying again. If at first you don't succeed...try, try again! Well, that doesn't really make sense. I did succeed . I mean, you all read those entries, right? And you all told me how FUNNY they were (seriously, I'm not being vain. YOU said that!). I'm willing to give this list thing another shot.

I've been going out dancing a fair amount lately. Dave has a New Years Resolution that involves Dancing on a regular basis, and I, fortunately have been able to accompany him on some of these haunts. In addition to 'wing-man-ing' and dancing with Dave in the city, I've been doing a bit of traveling on the weekends. I've succumb to 'the dance' in these alternate locations as well. My dancing in the city, coupled with my dancing elsewhere, makes me, in my opinion, a second-rate Shakira. World Traveler + International Pop Singer + Dancing Machine = Shakira = Becky

(I want you to know that in my mind this looked a lot less creepy...)

Things I like about dancing:
1) Music. Dance music is so much fun to listen to. There's the beat, beat, beat. There are the amusing, mostly sexist, lyrics. There's the loudness. There's the listening to the songs with other people...(I don't normally get to listen to music with people because a) I have no friends and b) no one will listen to music with me because I don't have a gun and therefore can't FORCE them to)

2) Swishing my skirt. I often wear dresses with flowy skirts. As I walk down the streets of New York, or sit at my work desk, or lie on my couch watching crappy TV, the material hangs sadly. 'Play with me, Becky' it says. 'Take me for a spin'. While walking to work and swishing your skirt a la a country square dance might seem weird, bustin' a move in a night club and dancing with your dress is awesome. It's so fun! You should try it! Even if you're a guy and don't wear dresses or are a girl and prefer pants or skin tight leotards, buy a flowy skirt and twirl around in it. Then give me $5 (to thank me for introducing you to one of the best things ever, duh)


3) Throwing my arms up in the air. I often feel compelled to throw my arms up in the air in faux Victory. But, again, like the swirling-the-skirt-thing, that'd just be weird and uncomfortable for everyone involved. When I dance though, like Miley Cyrus says, I can 'throw my hands up' cuz they're 'playing my song' and 'I know it's gonna be OK'.

4) Spending time with friends. AWWW. AWWW! My friends are pretty great. I like to spend time with them. However, I don't always like to talk to them. Dancing provides a great opportunity for the bodies of my friends to be near me, but for me to not have to interact with them. I look cool and popular to those dancing around me without having to make an effort. I'm all about looking cool to people around me, you know...

(OK. I typed 'be cool' into google image search and this is something that came up. If someone comments and explains how this image could possibly be a pictoral representation of the phrase 'be cool' I will give you a quarter)

5) Exercise. I don't really care about exercise...but it felt like something I could say about dancing that some of you would relate to...? I know. It doesn't SEEM like something I would do...trying to relate to people. On the other hand, trying to appease people by pretending to be interested in something they're interested in DOES seem like something I would do...so...I guess we're back at square one.


6) Singing along to songs. I don't get to sing along to music as much I used to. I usually listen to music on my ipod these days and despite what you might have heard, I usually try to be considerate of others around me. Therefore, I wouldn't sing along to my ipod when it's blasting. And, I'm not in the car that often so singing along to the radio is a rare delicacy. But, when I'm out dancing, and the music is playing really loudly, and I'm sticking my arms up in the air and I'm ignoring my friends, I can sing along as loud as I want. And you know what? It isn't inconsiderate. And you know what else? It doesn't make me look crazy. It actually makes me seem more INTO the dance. It makes me BADASS!


7) Saying that I'm going dancing. The dancing itself, the music, the intrigue, the swirling...is all fun. But talking about going out dancing...casually dropping it into conversation...listing it as one of my interests in facebook...it's almost MORE fun than the actual physical activity. ALMOST.

I think my boss is coming over here to give me work

What's so wrong with that?

Nothing. I mean they do pay me like $1/week to work for her. She is totally 'in the right' to come over here, chat with me, and then make me do things for her.

She's really nice, too.

That being said...I still don't want to do anything (obviously! Did you think I'd changed overnight or something?). So, while I am waiting for her to come over here and busy-me-up (that doesn't exactly work, does it?) I will blog!

How have you all been?

It's been SO PRETTY HERE. OH MY GOD. For some reason when I get really excited about things / see small, cute animals / see small, cute babies / see stickers I just want to GROWL with happiness. Anyone else? It's like I have all these emotions pent up inside and the only way to get them out and express my true contentment is by growling. I don't think I'm explaining this right. Anyway...I've been doing a lot of happy growling lately.

What else? What else?

Well, I saw a ridiculous French movie this week. It was kind of like American Psycho...but French (duh). And...way more messed up. And...in black and white. A few upstanding citizens (read: people with 'morals' or 'standards') actually left in the middle of the screening because they couldn't take it. Caitlin and I, however, love to hold on to our free stuff and didn't budge from our seats...though we both didn't like the movie and could probably have done something more productive with our time.

Also, I went to see SHERWOOD in concert on Wednesday. What's that? You've never heard of them? Yeah, not surprising. I know I have some obscure music tastes...but a show at Highline Ballroom with 30 other people (half of whom seemed to know the band members personally) was a bit surprising. BUT...in the end I lucked out because I paid $15 for a semi-private show!

She went back into her office.

She didn't need me?

AWESOME! Let me go back to looking for shoes at Target's website. BYE!

Sushi Cat...Te Amo

Hello, Hello. I should probably not be blogging right now...but I don't care.

TAKE THAT WORLD!

It's a beautiful day today...or so I hear. I guess it was nice enough this morning when I was half asleep and stumbled out of my apartment and down into the subway (or as I like to call it 'the depths of Hell'). But yeah...no windows by my desk / lunch eaten inside w/ co-workers = no outside time for me.

It's probably not that nice out anyway... :(

So what's new with all of you?

Yeah...I feel that. It's this winter blah feeling...we all have it. Once it's warmer out and we can all stop wearing pants and closed toed shoes I think we'll feel a lot better.

What's that? It's warm and sunny out today? YEAH I KNOW. I JUST SAID THAT. UGH. I already told you I can't go outside! RUB IT IN WHY DON'T YOU?! I HATE YOU. I HATE THIS. I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE! I JUST WANT TO TAKE A NAP!!!! (Author's note--this is why I generally don't talk to people from January-May)

Well, the point of this entry is to tell you all about a new game I love. The game is called 'Sushi Cat' and Kate sent it to me in an e-mail. She titled the e-mail 'Super Fun Game' which immediately raised some questions for me.

What does Kate mean by super fun?

What if we have different definitions of 'super' and 'fun'?

What if I don't think it's super fun? Will I be able to deal with the disappointment?

What's for lunch?

But, she was right. I LOVE IT!

Basically, there's this cat...and it's REALLY hungry (there's some debate as to whether or not it has a tape worm because its appetite is seriously insatiable)...so you have to bounce it through different set ups so it can get full on sushi. 30 pieces is what it takes for this cat to get its fill (see what I mean about the potential tape worm? I can eat maybe 12 pieces of sushi before I'm full...and it's not like I'm a stick or anything).

When the cat is full (keep in mind, you only get a certain amount of turns to eat the 30 pieces of sushi. You can't keep bouncing the cat around indefinitely until it eats everything. That wouldn't be challenging, duh!) you move on to another level (only after seeing an AWESOME animation w/ anime sushi galore!). Complete 15 levels and you've beat the game.

Let me show you some pictures:


Here you can see Sushi Cat being dangled by a pair of chopsticks at the top of the screen. After being dropped at a strategic point, sushi cat bounces along, knocking into the flowery bowls and dark bullseye-like circles, and change course on her way to a full tummy.


Here sushi cat is on her way to becoming full. Things to notice include: ADORABLE anime/smiley sushi, Sushi cats face of contentment / sushi cat's words of contentment along the lines of 'nom' and 'burp'.

Occasionally this little guy pops up. I find him more amusing than I probably should....don't worry...it's not negatively affecting my life or anything...I have other hobbies and stuff besides this guy... I can just imagine him yelling, in a high pitched, very fast voice 'DOUBLESCORE!'. Hehe.

Eventually, when you beat a level, this animation with 'SUSHI FRENZY' comes up and all these little piecess of smiley / anime sushi up and explode like a firework. It is so adorable. I am a second away from giggling right now just thinking about it...but I'm keeping it under control. Under control. UNDER. CONTROL!!

That's really all I have to say about sushi cat. If you are a 7 year old Japanese girl at heart, or just really like cats, or enjoy a good roll of sushi (or 30)...this is a game I highly recommend. Play it at the following link:

http://www.freewebarcade.com/game/sushi-cat/

And no, they're not paying me to advertise for them. I just really like the game!

Promiscuous Girl...

...You're teasing me! You know what I want and I got what you need!

Anyone remember that song? I hope ALL of you do because it was a big hit not that long ago. Seriously. If you've already forgotten the wonder of a Nelly Furtado / Timbaland duet then there just might not be any hope for you. You might want to jump off the Queens Bridge (I know, I know. People usually say 'jump off the Brooklyn Bridge' but BK already has enough going on without a shout out in my blog. Oh wait...) and just get it over with.

~~~~~~

I was talking to Michelle yesterday about how I wanted new boots, and about our horoscopes (we're both Libras-did you know that?), and about our boy situations, and about how we're basically in love with each other.

But back to the boots! I have these great black boots, and really comfy gray sweater boots...and let's not forget my FUGGS (which actually might need to be replaced...R.I.P fuggie poos).

But I want a pair of nicer brown boots that I can wear a) with black (YES BROWN AND BLACK MATCH AND LOOK GOOD TOGETHER!) and b) to work when I wear brown things (YES BROWN AND BROWN LOOK GOOD TOGETHER, TOO!!! isn't it FUN to TYPE in RANDoM CaPs!? AH. not like that though. Do you guys know any people who type in a combination of CAPS and lower case like that? It is so hard to read, isn't it? I'm like 'uh, we're not on myspace in 2003. please stop typing like that. and don't wear your hat backwards. and stop wearing a wife beater and dying your hair platinum blond like eminem. thanx)

Anyway, I visited a few different websites to look for boots. Piperlime (duh). Macy's (obviously). And finally, Zappos.

I was click-click-clicking away...seeing ankle length boots (not with my calves)...peep toed boots (wtf is that trend?)...boots w/ high heels (I need to able to WALK in my shoes, god!)...when I found these beauties.

OH. MY. GOD.


So many thoughts were running through my mind. First of all, who designed these monstrosities? Second of all, who would BUY these pieces-o-crap? Third of all, what material are they made out of? THAT GOLD IS SO SHINY. SHINY.

Now click on this link, and tell me if you notice anything funny: http://www.zappos.com/promiscuous-karin-wide-calf-bronze-leather

Actually, don't tell me. Let me tell YOU what's funny. The brand of these boots is...PROMISCUOUS! HAHAHA! Gold and Brown boots...called Promiscuous. Some people say that I'm easily amused, but if that's not classic, then I don't know what is.

PEACE OUT!

Desperately Seeking...

...An employee. Kind of.

Yes, I know. It's confusing. Wasn't I just looking for a job? How am I in a place to employ someone? And furthermore, do I have ANY managerial skills? I can barely get out of bed in the morning...and I am very forgetful and slightly disorganized.

To be clear, I am still looking for a job. And I do, kind of have, managerial skills.


And I have, kind of, been snoozing A LOT in the mornings. It is just so hard to want to get up...to shower (which I don't like anyway)...to take the subway (which I don't like when I don't get a seat...which I never do in the morning)...to go to work (UGH infinity / if you don't know why this is UGH then please navigate away from this page)...to, you know, question why I'm here and what I'm doing...

No wonder I'm snoozing a lot. And by the time I get home, there are all these things I feel like I should be doing that I put off because I need down time or just want to go to bed. Take for example the laundry that I did two weeks ago that is still lying in my laundry bag, mostly folded...I just haven't had the energy/the desire to put it away.

And what about my taxes? I mean...I've never done them before...and my mom seems to be OK with 'helping me do them' (aka doing them herself)...but...they need to be done!

And what about that time that my car's window was broken for a month and a half. I don't know WHAT finally motivated me to get that shiz checked out and replaced but man...it was a struggle.

That's why I've decided that it's about time I hire a slave.

I know what you must be thinking...people don't hire slaves! Usually they take them by force. Right. Well, the thing is...see above. I can barely motivate myself to GET UP...how am I going to wrangle up a person? Not to mention how UN PC it is...

That's why I think it's better for everyone if I present this opportunity openly and take volunteers. That way no one can accuse me of being shady or violating human rights...

BECKY'S LIST

JOB POSTING: SLAVE NEEDED

JOB TITLE: SLAVE

START DATE: IMMEDIATELY (or you know, in a couple of weeks. Whatever is convenient for you)

SALARY: UNPAID

JOB DUTIES:

1) Wake me up

2) Pick out outfits for me. This job is ALL you, slavey. I can shower and all of that stuff...but picking out clothes is too hard. Franky, it takes up a lot of my time and I'm no longer OK with that. Get ready to express your inner fashionista! Oh what's that? You don't want to? Don't make me go slavemaster on your ass!

3) Carry me to work. Yeah, I'm over taking the subway. And, until it gets nicer out, and all these snow/dirt puddles go away, I'm over walking, too. My commute would be much more relaxing, I've decided, if someone personally transported me to work. But, I don't have a helicopter and I don't want to pay to park my car...so...carrying seems like the next best option. To be fair about all of this, I will try to stop eating 20 tootsie rolls a day so that I am a BIT lighter and easier to lug around.


4) Get food for me. I'll probably give you cash...but I can't guarantee that I will always be able to pay for my food. If you could spot me in those instances, I'd really appreciate it. Anyway, sometimes you might need to go grocery shopping and pick up some ingredients and cook for me. Other times I might be craving something in particular that I'll need you to pick up. But don't worry...I won't make you travel too far. Oh...what's too far? I guess I'll decide that day. I mean, you are going to be a SLAVE after all...so it's not like you can really expect to be treated fairly. If I wanted to make you do stupid shit while pretending to treat your fairly, I'd call you an intern-duh!


5) Run errands for me. This is probably the most important of all the job responsibilities and the most diverse. I might have you do laundry one day, and go to the grocery store and post office the next. I could have you do my dirty dishes (though, realistically, if you're any good at your job, you probably would have done the dishes after cooking for me...so...), or make my bed. And, this won't happen as often, but my car will needs its oil changed seasonally and the off check up so...you'll be doing that too.

6) Entertain me. This will be an occasional need because I'm usually pretty good at entertaining myself. But I might ask you, from time to time, to entertain me. Don't worry. It doesn't take much. You could probably dangle a string in front of my face, or press 'play' on the DVR (where you will have recorded a marathon of some TV show that I like, obviously), or give me crayons and paper.


7) Find me men. I guess I could do this on my own. Some people do. But...why would I do that when I have you?

8) My taxes. I mean, it's most likely that my mom will do them again this year...but just in case...

9) Build me a pyramid! (too soon? that's the only slave joke I'll make, ok? Well, except for when I talk about you behind your back)

OK, so I guess that's about it. If you're worried that this is all a lot to handle all I can say is that, it's fine. I mean, I've managed to do all these things for myself for basically my whole life...give or take a few years of childhood...and it hasn't been ALL bad. Sometimes it's even fun. But I just don't want to do it anymore.

If you have any further questions about the job or if you want to submit your resumes (no salary requirements necessary - ha ha), contact me at: slavemaster21@somedomainname.com.net.org.ca

I look forward to hearing from you!