So wise

Another question is in! It's from the same person...

You all really need to get your act together and send some stuff in. A lot of you ask me questions ALL THE TIME so it shouldn't be too hard to come up with something to submit here.

My advice-seeker writes:

Dear Oh-so-wise Becky,

I am waiting for something, and I am SO impatient, that it may actually be killing me. What do I do to get my mind off it? How do I become more patient?

-Some Cute Name About a Person Waiting for Something

Dear Some Cute Name About a Person Waiting for Something,

WAITING sucks. It really does.

Tom Petty thinks so, too:

Here's what I would recommend. Watch that video I posted a few times on repeat. Then try watching this one:

And this:

Watching those three videos on repeat, should take about an hour of your time ('You're welcome' in advance). Once you're done with that, give this game a try:

http://greatgatsbygame.com/

(No. I don't think it makes any sense. Sorry?)

Once you're done with that, get a hold of yourself. Waiting DOES suck, but why waste these precious hours thinking about something to come in the future? Instead of sitting and listening to the tick tock of a clock, or Ke$ha's 'Tik Tok'

Why not get drunk, and pass out, so that you wake up in the future? You'll probably have fun getting drunk (at least I know I usually do...minus the time I cried on my 21st birthday...you people really won't let that go!), and time passes quickly when you're intoxicated.

All the best,

Beck E

SOME ADVICEzSzS

OMG! MY FIRST ADVICE-SEEKER WROTE IN!

Dear Becky,
I have so many problems, I don't even know where to begin! I have two friends, X and Y, and they are undergoing surgery in a month. Now, no one has said anything, but should I be there to support them and help out? I could take the time off, but they haven't asked. Should I offer? Would it be best for all involved for me to stay put?
Love,
Y's daughter


Dear Y's Daughter,
You said that you have 'two friends' but since I know you, and know what this question is referring to specifically, I might say that you actually have 'two family members, X and Y'. Also, you called yourself 'Y's daughter', so, I didn't even have to be Nancy Drew to figure that out.

Anyway, I digress. Having surgery can be scary and overwhelming (or so I hear since I haven't had any). I think you need to be a typical woman in this situation, and wait for stuff to come to you / happen to you. No one likes a Desperate Dahlia (I would have said 'Debbie desperate' here, but you know, Debbie sometimes read this if I bother her enough, and I don't want to alienate 1 of the maybe 20 people who read this. That's 5% of my audience. Yes, I'm really good at simple maths), so put on a nice dress, bake some cookies, read a book (women can read, right?) and wait around without seeming like you're waiting. When they finally come to you (which they will) try to act like you're not bothered (even though you will be) and like you haven't been waiting around (even though you will have been). Laugh genially and say 'OH SURE. I'm happy to help!'

Sincerely,

Beck E.

Hey Cherie pt. 2

HI EVERYONE.

You all probably think you have a good handle on me. And, you probably do. A 'good' handle. But do you know everything about me? CERTAINLY NOT! I am an onion with many layers and such. I am also good at coming up with non-cliche metaphors. Anyway...

There are things, however, despite hundreds of entries on here, that you don't know about me. One such thing is this:

I was a teen advice columnist when I was in high school. OH YEAH. That happened.

Basically, here's what went down. Maybe I was in 8th grade when it started instead of high school? Katelyn? Are you reading this?

Katelyn's mom read something in our local newspaper about how our local newspaper The Stamford Advocate (please don't stalk me. EEP!), wanted to run its own teen advice column alongside the nationally syndicated (plug plug plug) column 'Hey Cherie'. Local teens were invited to come to The Advocate building on the first Monday of each month, eat pizza, and share their opinions on the problems presented to 'Cherie', and on Cherie's advice. These opinions would be printed alongside Cherie's column in The Advocate.

*This is an example of the 'Hey Cherie' column without our advice*

http://www.creators.com/advice/hey-cherie.html

Katelyn's mom wanted her to be one of the teens that gave her two-cents alongside Cherie's longer ramblings on subjects like kissing a boyfriend with a big nose, or getting caught gossiping about peers. Katelyn was interested, but since she was a 13-year old girl, she needed a friend to come along with her to the first meeting. Heaven forbid you do anything alone as a teenager or, gasp, talk to people who don't go to your high school / have every class with you.

Enter me. Why are you laughing? OH. EW. Not like that.

I was, and still am up, for just about anything, so was happy to accompany Katelyn on her first trip to the newspaper building. I would do anything for free food, so the idea of pizza, and possible fame! appealed to me. It still does. Anyone know about any events coming up with free pizza? I could really go for some.

(on a scale of 1-10 I want this pizza iphone case a 23)

Well, that first meeting, turned into a 5 year stint. Once I turned 18 I realized I was too old (read: thought I was too cool) to participate in the column any longer. But, I enjoyed the monthly meetings (later on Alex, Heather and Liz joined me and Katelyn on that first Monday of each month...so it was like hanging out, for free, with other people we didn't talk to or made fun of) and the minor fame that came along with being in the newspaper about once a month (they couldn't post my advice every Monday. come on! The spotlight was big enough for all of us!) Seriously. My nana's friends would tell her at Temple that they had seen me in the paper and how GREAT my advice was yada yada yada.

And now, that brings me to THIS blog and right now.

You know I dabble in blog features (photoshop on demand comes to mind...how nice that I think ONE OF YOU sent in a picture for that. a whole person! a whole picture! that person was Kate btw...we're related and she's obligated to do things that I tell her to) and I have an idea for a new one:

ASK BECKY!

You guys can write in with problems (I'll make it anonymous if you're shy, or I can totally blow up your spot and make you a j-list celebrity if you're so inclined) and I, a la myself at 15, will give you advice like 'You're an idiot' or 'You need to ask him out already' or 'White socks with black dress shoes should never be an option'.

So, trust ME with your problems. I promise this will turn out well for everyone.

(I'm not really kidding)

Other things that make me nervous...ACK!

TGIF, everyone. And yes, It's actually Friday while I'm writing this.

Oh...you might not know this but sometimes, I start a blog entry on, like, say...Thursday. And I don't get a chance to finish because I get distracted by looking at my iphone or gchatting or reading The State of the Union or looking at dresses for Jamie and Shane's wedding even though it's in 7 months. So um...yeah

(This is a current possibility, FYI...loves?)

But today is actually Friday. I'm feeling good about things. I'm heading home for the weekend to sit in my pajamas, get a massage, go to the symphony with Nana (true story) and possibly Kate (please come home!), and then have brunch with Nana and all my cousins and Josh and possibly Kate (please come home!).

I haven't had a massage in 6 months you guys. Life is getting rough. And my back feels like a loaf of Challah bread.

(Inappropriate on a baby bib?)

After my last blog entry a few of you commented that I seem to just have issues with public transportation. Becky, you said, So you're basically just anxious when you take the subway and walk outside?

No. Not really. I guess I didn't do an extensive enough blog entry. I'm anxious about tons of things! Not just transportation! The thing is, with the lists and all, sometimes I like to have long lists that are not as detailed, and sometimes I like to have shorter, more in-depth lists of things. I went for the second option in the last blog entry, but maybe, or definitely, I have more to say on the subject.

Other things that make me anxious

1) Counting change. OOF. Are you ever at the grocery store and your total comes to some ridiculous number like $45.63, and you happen to have 3 $2o bills, and then also 7 pounds of change in your wallet? And then you say to yourself 'This is an opportunity' so you open the change compartment in your wallet which is so full you're wondering how you even managed to close it, and you slowly count out some nickels and dimes and pennies, only to look up and see the cashier staring blankly at you.

And then you look to the line that's formed behind you and see looks of contempt in the eyes of the other customers and you worry that maybe they're going to jump you after you leave the check-out line. That makes me nervous.

2) Ordering at restaurants. I have a hard time talking to waiters and waitresses. In my mind, I sound like a perfect lady, polite and well-spoken, when ordering off a menu. In reality, I sound like a complete douchetard.

Becky's perception: Oh, hello! I hope you're doing well! Thank you for coming to take my order! I'll have the chicken salad (*author's note* - I'm obviously trying to give a certain impression by ordering a 'chicken salad' in this fantasy...anyway). Thanks so much.

The reality: OH H E L L O. I HOPE you're doing W E L L (as if I'm talking to someone who reads lips and can't hear, or doesn't speak English, or is slow, or whom I hate). THANKS "so much" for coming to take my order (asshole). I'll have the chicken salad.

Now, I wasn't aware of this habit until a few years ago, and I've tried to rectify my ways by talking to waiters / waitresses / servers (what's the PC term these days? American Indian?) as I talk to my friends...in a nice, calm, chill way. But it's still on my mind every time I put my menu down on the table and wait to order. It makes me a bit nervous.

3) Walking on ice. Most of you had heard this story, but I don't care about you. So for the people who haven't, let me spin you a yarn. I was walking home in high school, on a post-snow-y day (hey, remember when it used to snow like, once a year and then it was icy for a bit, and then it was gone and back to normal? yeah, me too. RIP those days), wearing adidas sandals and socks (I swear, lots of people wore sandals and socks in high school...ugh), walking down a huge hill, when I noticed an elderly man fall on a huge ice slick. He was about 50 feet ahead of me, further down the hill, and in my sandals and socks (I dress much more sensibly now...oh wait, no. That's false) , I was powerless to help him. What if I fell, too?

Now, whenever I walk on ice, I think of that guy, and I think of falling, and I think of people watching me fall, and I think of no one being around to help me. I fall on level, dry, surfaces all the time. And we're going to add ice to the equation? Really?

(Google image search 'icy sidewalks'. Results: ^)

4) Wearing heels. I basically never wear heels because they make me nervous. Sure, they look awesome and something about guys liking them and me wanting guys to like me or whatever. But, I just don't like being uncomfortable. I do my best to wear socially acceptable sweatpants whenever possible. Dresses made out of cotton. Pants with stretch in them. Jeans that are actually leggings in disguise. So, though I find heels attractive, I know, from having worn them before, and having talked to people who wear them, and having hung out with friends in heels, that those thingies are uncomfortable. I make a pain-grin when I am uncomfortable, so, apart from the fear of being out and about, and trapped in footwear that feels like a dozen elves clawing at my feet, there's the fear of my pain-grin and how scary I would look to other people.

Making a face like this:


Would negate wearing shoes like this:

(C8lin, if you read this...do you own these already? cuz they kind of have you written all over them)
No?

In conclusion, perhaps a third entry on this topic is to come. ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND EVERYONE!

Things that make me nervous

Welcome to Mediocre Monday, everyone!

Actually...it hasn't been that bad so far. I've gotten some compliments on my outfit, and I just shared a delicious cosi sandwich/salad with Joel for lunch. nom nom nom


What was I talking about? Oh...Monday!

Anyone like that Katy Perry song 'Firework'? It's kind of horrible...but I can't get it out of my head! Actually, it's more than kind of horrible. It's completely horrible. The lyrics are cliche and Katy Perry's voice could burn a hole from Queens to China. And yet, here we are...or rather, here I am...

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood...let me take the one less traveled! LET ME!

So, I can be a bit neurotic. Some of you might be saying 'Really, Becky? You're a bit neurotic? I think you're off-the-wall crazy'. To which I respond 'Oh really? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!' (my house being this blog, of course)

But yeah, I can be a bit neurotic. I think I play it off well by being cute and charming, too. And let's not forget to mention my accessories. Some of my dangly earrings definitely negate some of my crazy. But 'some' is not 'all', n'est-ce pas?

Therefore, I bring you:

Things that make me nervous.

1) Walking along the edge of the subway platform. Anyone else in NYC feel me on this? I have to do this, usually, once a day and every time I walk, full-of-concentration, mere INCHES from a 10-foot drop onto electric-wired train tracks, I think about who would get my CD collection, or whether a good Samaritan would lift my fried corpse off the third rail, or whether everyone would stand playing Angry Birds on their iphones and wait for the FDNY to come get me, were I to trip and fall to my death. And what if I was able to play it cool and not, of my own accord, trip and fall off the edge of the subway platform? But instead, was walking by someone who turned suddenly and KNOCKED ME off the subway platform? EEP!

As if that isn't bad enough, what makes me EVEN MORE NERVOUS is when a train is coming up to a platform I'm creeping along the edge of. I have a hard time walking in a straight line when my life doesn't depend on it. Add a rush of wind and a visual distraction and I'm surprised that I'm here and even able to tell you about this.

2) Going through revolving doors. Am I the only person that has a problem with this? It seems like that could be the case because every time I prepare to revolve with people I don't know, I look into their eyes, and apart from the fear their eyes exhibit from having a stranger stare them down, I see nothing.

I just...don't like limits and expectations...and being shoved in a revolving door 'section' (what's the proper term for the little compartment? compartment?), with limited space, and having to move at the same pace as the other people in the door with me, makes me nervous. What if I don't fit in the compartment? What if I'm going too fast? Or too slow? What if someone gets injured? I don't want to exit or enter a building with blood on my hands.

An aside: H. Bockhacker of Berlin was granted German patent DE18349^[7] on December 22, 1881 for "Tür ohne Luftzug" or "Door without draft of air". Who cares about the draft? I care about safety!

3) Going through subway turnstiles. This is along the lines of revolving doors but...exiting and entering the subway makes me nervous. I mean, sometimes for good reason because I can be really poke-y and if a train is in the station, and I'm trying to get my metro card out, and stand upright, and hold on to all my belongings without dropping them...obviously I'm a ball of nerves. But even when I'm leaving the subway, and heading home for a night of relaxation (read: Oprah DVR catch-up and cheez-its), waiting in line to exit through the turnstile, coupled with the question of 'will I fit in this small compartment with all my bags and miscellaneous items?'.

And sometimes, the turnstiles and revolving-exit-door-thingies in the subway, get stuck, and people are waiting behind you, groaning to themselves because this MORON in front of them is taking too long...and that, also, makes me nervous.

4) Getting on or off the subway
This photo appears to have been taken in Japan, but just look:

In conclusion *teeth chattering*

Pittsburgh N' At

Hi Everyone!
In addition to being 'busy' at work (read: needing to seem 'busy' and hide my Internet usage from certain people in the office) I had Monday off for MLKJR day.

At my LAST JOB (not to mention the name of the organization specifically or anything...no seriously. I did that once and one of my co-workers was linked to my blog in his google news alerts...awkward) I didn't get MLKJR day off. It was super lame.

But, at my new job, I definitely got Monday off. I don't wanna work...I wanna bang on the drum all day. My freedom coupled with cheap jetblue fares, led me to Pittsburgh, PA last weekend. Well, the fares weren't the only thing that lured me, if I'm going to be honest. My FRIEND CAITLIN is from there and had invited me to come visit her. How could I pass up this opportunity?

Also, in case you don't remember C8, here she is in all her glory:

(Yeah I might have taken that. By 'might have' I mean that I DID take that...using the hipstomatic iphone app obviously).

Well, she moved to Spain for LOVE and because her job was lame. Before that though, Caitlin lived in NYC and we totez hung out and like, went to Spa Castle (I blogged about that b's, so don't even act like you haven't heard of it...actually...after my stunning recommendation, did any of you make it out there?) and French Movie Night (RIP) and drinking tea, obviously. Before that though, Caitlin and I went to AU together and were friends

(Nothing like a mutually unattractive photo to really bring people together. I always say that, this one time)

Caitlin is originally from Pittsburgh, so rather than visit her in exotic Spain, I thought I'd take a trip left and meet up with her during her Siesta there.

Let me tell you, it was a great trip! Pittsburgh has more to offer than you would think. Things I liked about Pittsburgh

1) The color yellow. So I think the prominence of the color yellow has to do with The Pittsburgh Steelers, whose colors are black and yellow in case you didn't know. But regardless of why, seeing bridges painted with BRIGHT YELLOW paint brings a smile to my face and a smile to the entire city I'm sure

(AUTHOR'SNOTE-Ihaven'tactuallytalkedtotheentirecityofPittsburghsomaybeyellowbridgesdon'tbringasmiletoalloftheirfacesbutwhatever.shutup.youredumb)

2) BEER. The Pennsylvanians like their beer. Coincidentally, I like beer, too. I went to a cool place on Saturday night in Da Burgh (that's what the 'natives' call it) called The Church Brewworks. It's an old Church that has been converted in a restaurant/bar/brewery. The vaulted ceilings and columns remain, but all the stained glass has been blacked out, and on the alter, instead of a Crucifix, there are big, silver, beer brewing vats. Instead of being in a church for God, It feels like being in a Church for Beer. That's a religion I could support!

3) French Fries. So, the peepz in Pittsburgh, like to put French fries on everything. UM...so do I! But normally, for fear of judgment from my peers, I don't. I eat salads with lettuce and other vegetables...boring. In Pittsburgh, I had a salad with FRENCH FRIES ON TOP OF IT. AND THEN, another time, I HAD A SANDWICH WITH FRENCH FRIES IN IT. Why get these things on the side and waste time and plates (and water washing those plates, which, is bad for the environment)?


4) Sammitches. I guess that's what they called sandwiches in Pittsburgh. I had an awesome sandwich at a place called Primanti's. UM...it had delicious, fatty, bologna on it, and coleslaw, and fries. Luckily, I was wearing a sweatshirt and yoga pants or else pant buttons could have popped.

(Sometimes you need fries on the side, too)

5) Museums. I do get off while visiting a good museum. I mean, I don't think that's the appropriate way to say what I wanted to say. UM. Moving on. We went to the Andy Warhol museum and the Henry Clay Frick house museum (Frick as in 'The Frick Collection' in NYC what what). In the Andy Warhol museum that was a room that made me die of happiness. It had fans blowing BIG, silver, BOX-y balloons blowing around. You could, basically, run around in the room and swat at shiny balloons as if you were a kitten. Since all it takes to set up such a place is balloons and fans...I MIGHT have one of these myself one day. YAY!

6) THRIFT SHOPPING. I am thrifty. AND I am a shopaholic. Therefore, I appreciate a good thrift store. Or, if I'm in Pittsburgh, I appreciate 10 good thrift stores since that's how many we went to...give or take. I didn't actually count. I did actually get a SWEET black, wool coat for $13 and a purse for $14 and a sweater dress with stripes on it (duh) for $14.

(she opted out of the teal jacket...why?!)

7) FRIENDS. OHHHH Caitlin, Brooke and I had an awesome time catching up. We giggled to our hearts content. And played Scattegories and Life. And drank champagne. And went to fancy dinner with Caitlin's parents.

8) The Airport. I have no expectations when it comes to airports except that they have a bathroom. Sometimes you don't want to go on the plane. Anyway...I was pleasantly surprised by the Pittsburgh airport. THERE WAS A DINOSAUR THERE. And a display case featuring Mr. Rogers sweater (he's from Pittsburgh, too...what what). And some Andy Warhol stuff. AwesomeFest2011

In conclusion, Pittsburgh, because of its use of yellow, french fries, beer and bla bla bla, is a place you should all go. WEEKEND WIN!

Oh what a week!

...Late September back in '63. What a very special time for me...bla bla bla...what a night!

Well, that lyric doesn't exactly apply because the title of the post is 'Oh what a week!' but...it's what came to mind when I typed that out so...deal with it, kids!

As you may or may not know, it's 2011 now.

I know, right? I'm going to turn 26 this year (not 16, contrary to popular belief). How is that possible?

Anyway, yes. Another year is upon us.

Actually...I'm gonna go take a nap. BE R B.



No joke. I started writing this on Saturday and it's now Tuesday night. HAHA. I AM THE WORST. Or the best?

But let's talk about 2011 and some exciting things that have ALREADY happened in the last 11 days (an aside: Yesterday at work I said out loud, to my friends that are in the cubicles ADJACENT to mine 'Is today the 8th?' and they responded 'It's the 10th'...way to lose 2 days Becky, way to lose 2 days).

Things that have happened in 2011:

1) I got drunk! OH MY GOD! I love getting drunk! It's so fun! I got kind of drunk on New Years Eve (so drunk that Jason felt the need to text me, after he left the party, to say 'You're drunk'...really?). Let's look at the facts: party with limited number of friends + table full of alcohol (no exaggeration here...a whole table) + finally celebrating new years with Kristyn + did I mention the table full of alcohol? = obviously I'm getting drunk. If I do recall correctly...I didn't shame myself in any big way. AND NOW I can cross 'drinking absinthe' off my 'to do' list.

2) I danced! So...Jon and Jackie got married! I know...it kind of feels like they were already married to me, too. But, I guess they wanted to make it 'official' or 'technical'...or at least wanted to get some presents/moneyz. Let me tell you...I had a BLAST. First of all, Jackie blessed me (according to the Jewish tradition, a bride is really holy on her wedding day so she can give out blessings to people that ask for them...nothing officially...just freestyle kind of stuff) so now the rest of my life is going to be awesome. Second of all, I danced off 10 pounds (which I've subsequently gained back but 'bigger is better' is a thing, isn't it?). Third of all, I danced like no one was watching even though EVERYONE WAS, OBVIOUSLY, because I looked awesome. HOLLA! Fourth of all, I want my wedding to be like theirs...with NSYNC 'Bye Bye Bye' as the last song of the night...though...I will be wearing jersey knit, duh.


+

+

=

3) I drove! GOD. I drove to Baltimore. To DC. To New York. Oh. I guess that's it. And I found parking right away...moving on...

4) I DIDN'T BLOG. ha um...

5) I online shopped (and 2/3 of the things I ordered came today!). WOW. Cute new shoes (omgz...ah. way cuter in person than they were on the monitor. that NEVER happens. 2011 - year of winning!). A cute new purse (with fringe - amen!). Coming attractions (the last 1/3 of the stuff I gotz): New wool coat!

6) I ate some good food...oh god. I eat really well. I really do.

This isn't interesting to me anymore but...HAPPY 2011 everyone. I have good feelings