Keep the questions coming!

I'M BACK FROM VACATION! AH! SO SAD.

Here's a question I received in my absence:

Dear Becky,

I have a serious problem. I am used to being in frequent contact via gchat with a friend of mine. Alas, she is on vacation and I am sitting in my office wanting to chat with her, and she's not there! It's breaking my heart. What should I do?

Sincerely,

I miss her like the deserts miss the rain

Dear I miss her like the deserts miss the rain,

I am saddened by the sadness plaguing your heart and making you sad. I am also sad that I don't have a thesaurus. In all seriousness though, your friend will be back before you know it. In fact, she MIGHT even be back now. In case she's not though, why not try taking up sudoku, weaving, tweeting or novel-writing. These are hobbies / pursuits that involve concentration and CAN, if you're dedicated, take up a large quantity of your time. OH...well tweeting doesn't really take concentration,,,though the 140 character limit can be a BIT of a challenge. It is time consuming though...Busying yourself is a good way to miss your friend less, or maybe even stop liking her.

Sincerely,

Becky

***DEAR READERS: SEE THE TITLE OF THIS BLOG FOR FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS***

I'm like Yoda

THIS IS AMAZING. Here we go:

Dear Becky--

My old roommate and I no longer live together, but as we are still friends, I need advice because I'm having a problem with her. She doesn't tell me things anymore and I don't know what to do! Whenever I see her, or am gchatting with her, she brings up very important topics/things that are going on in her life that she expects me to already know about, but I DON'T. Apparently she's forgotten that I love GOSSIP and would like to remain clued in to the important and not important details of her life. I really like her and would like to be friends with her forevs, but I am super frustrated. I know she's probably watching Top Chef All-Stars without me, and wearing sweatpants with her new roommate without a second thought about me, but I can't take it. I need to know what's going on with her at all time.....

Sincerely,

My old roommate was probably the best roommate I'll ever have (besides my future husband)

Dear My old roommate was probably the best roommate I'll ever have (besides my future husband),

I've always found that bribery is a great way to get people to like you. Have you considered offering your old roommate (who sounds like a LOVELY person btw) gifts to get her to gossip with you? Small amounts of cash (preferably in bills), or jewelry or minor league baseball teams might be a good way to start.

Or what about power? If you're not in the market for tangible items, why not bribe this wonderful person you used to live with something like...ultimate decision making control over your life? or...name your first child / pet after her? Make her feel important by allowing her to rule over you. Once she's secure in herself via ruining your life and draining you of your finances, I'm sure the flood gates will open. Then you'll be writing in asking me how to get her to stop talking! AM I RIGHT?!

I know this seems messed up, but in order to turn around undesirable situations, you need to be realistic. People like gifts and power. This is the way the world works.


In all seriousness though, she misses you too and has early on-set Alzheimer's so can't remember who she tells what to. Her subway conductor probably knows WAY too much information, while you are being left out in the dark. It's not personal, and I'm sure you can rectify this with diligent gchatting, day drinking opportunities and some regular phone dates.

! URGENT !

This just in:

Dear Becky,

I am torn between a caesar and a southwest. salad. which one for lunch today?

Regards,

Hungry for lunch

Dear Hungry for lunch,

Go for the Southwest salad. Corn and chips and other festive ingredients - should spice up your day! Besides, caesar salads, like regular cell phones (SMARTPHONES WHAT UP!), Hannah Montana, and dresses over pants (at least for me, personally) are so 2008.

Best,

Beck E

So wise

Another question is in! It's from the same person...

You all really need to get your act together and send some stuff in. A lot of you ask me questions ALL THE TIME so it shouldn't be too hard to come up with something to submit here.

My advice-seeker writes:

Dear Oh-so-wise Becky,

I am waiting for something, and I am SO impatient, that it may actually be killing me. What do I do to get my mind off it? How do I become more patient?

-Some Cute Name About a Person Waiting for Something

Dear Some Cute Name About a Person Waiting for Something,

WAITING sucks. It really does.

Tom Petty thinks so, too:

Here's what I would recommend. Watch that video I posted a few times on repeat. Then try watching this one:

And this:

Watching those three videos on repeat, should take about an hour of your time ('You're welcome' in advance). Once you're done with that, give this game a try:

http://greatgatsbygame.com/

(No. I don't think it makes any sense. Sorry?)

Once you're done with that, get a hold of yourself. Waiting DOES suck, but why waste these precious hours thinking about something to come in the future? Instead of sitting and listening to the tick tock of a clock, or Ke$ha's 'Tik Tok'

Why not get drunk, and pass out, so that you wake up in the future? You'll probably have fun getting drunk (at least I know I usually do...minus the time I cried on my 21st birthday...you people really won't let that go!), and time passes quickly when you're intoxicated.

All the best,

Beck E

SOME ADVICEzSzS

OMG! MY FIRST ADVICE-SEEKER WROTE IN!

Dear Becky,
I have so many problems, I don't even know where to begin! I have two friends, X and Y, and they are undergoing surgery in a month. Now, no one has said anything, but should I be there to support them and help out? I could take the time off, but they haven't asked. Should I offer? Would it be best for all involved for me to stay put?
Love,
Y's daughter


Dear Y's Daughter,
You said that you have 'two friends' but since I know you, and know what this question is referring to specifically, I might say that you actually have 'two family members, X and Y'. Also, you called yourself 'Y's daughter', so, I didn't even have to be Nancy Drew to figure that out.

Anyway, I digress. Having surgery can be scary and overwhelming (or so I hear since I haven't had any). I think you need to be a typical woman in this situation, and wait for stuff to come to you / happen to you. No one likes a Desperate Dahlia (I would have said 'Debbie desperate' here, but you know, Debbie sometimes read this if I bother her enough, and I don't want to alienate 1 of the maybe 20 people who read this. That's 5% of my audience. Yes, I'm really good at simple maths), so put on a nice dress, bake some cookies, read a book (women can read, right?) and wait around without seeming like you're waiting. When they finally come to you (which they will) try to act like you're not bothered (even though you will be) and like you haven't been waiting around (even though you will have been). Laugh genially and say 'OH SURE. I'm happy to help!'

Sincerely,

Beck E.

Hey Cherie pt. 2

HI EVERYONE.

You all probably think you have a good handle on me. And, you probably do. A 'good' handle. But do you know everything about me? CERTAINLY NOT! I am an onion with many layers and such. I am also good at coming up with non-cliche metaphors. Anyway...

There are things, however, despite hundreds of entries on here, that you don't know about me. One such thing is this:

I was a teen advice columnist when I was in high school. OH YEAH. That happened.

Basically, here's what went down. Maybe I was in 8th grade when it started instead of high school? Katelyn? Are you reading this?

Katelyn's mom read something in our local newspaper about how our local newspaper The Stamford Advocate (please don't stalk me. EEP!), wanted to run its own teen advice column alongside the nationally syndicated (plug plug plug) column 'Hey Cherie'. Local teens were invited to come to The Advocate building on the first Monday of each month, eat pizza, and share their opinions on the problems presented to 'Cherie', and on Cherie's advice. These opinions would be printed alongside Cherie's column in The Advocate.

*This is an example of the 'Hey Cherie' column without our advice*

http://www.creators.com/advice/hey-cherie.html

Katelyn's mom wanted her to be one of the teens that gave her two-cents alongside Cherie's longer ramblings on subjects like kissing a boyfriend with a big nose, or getting caught gossiping about peers. Katelyn was interested, but since she was a 13-year old girl, she needed a friend to come along with her to the first meeting. Heaven forbid you do anything alone as a teenager or, gasp, talk to people who don't go to your high school / have every class with you.

Enter me. Why are you laughing? OH. EW. Not like that.

I was, and still am up, for just about anything, so was happy to accompany Katelyn on her first trip to the newspaper building. I would do anything for free food, so the idea of pizza, and possible fame! appealed to me. It still does. Anyone know about any events coming up with free pizza? I could really go for some.

(on a scale of 1-10 I want this pizza iphone case a 23)

Well, that first meeting, turned into a 5 year stint. Once I turned 18 I realized I was too old (read: thought I was too cool) to participate in the column any longer. But, I enjoyed the monthly meetings (later on Alex, Heather and Liz joined me and Katelyn on that first Monday of each month...so it was like hanging out, for free, with other people we didn't talk to or made fun of) and the minor fame that came along with being in the newspaper about once a month (they couldn't post my advice every Monday. come on! The spotlight was big enough for all of us!) Seriously. My nana's friends would tell her at Temple that they had seen me in the paper and how GREAT my advice was yada yada yada.

And now, that brings me to THIS blog and right now.

You know I dabble in blog features (photoshop on demand comes to mind...how nice that I think ONE OF YOU sent in a picture for that. a whole person! a whole picture! that person was Kate btw...we're related and she's obligated to do things that I tell her to) and I have an idea for a new one:

ASK BECKY!

You guys can write in with problems (I'll make it anonymous if you're shy, or I can totally blow up your spot and make you a j-list celebrity if you're so inclined) and I, a la myself at 15, will give you advice like 'You're an idiot' or 'You need to ask him out already' or 'White socks with black dress shoes should never be an option'.

So, trust ME with your problems. I promise this will turn out well for everyone.

(I'm not really kidding)

Other things that make me nervous...ACK!

TGIF, everyone. And yes, It's actually Friday while I'm writing this.

Oh...you might not know this but sometimes, I start a blog entry on, like, say...Thursday. And I don't get a chance to finish because I get distracted by looking at my iphone or gchatting or reading The State of the Union or looking at dresses for Jamie and Shane's wedding even though it's in 7 months. So um...yeah

(This is a current possibility, FYI...loves?)

But today is actually Friday. I'm feeling good about things. I'm heading home for the weekend to sit in my pajamas, get a massage, go to the symphony with Nana (true story) and possibly Kate (please come home!), and then have brunch with Nana and all my cousins and Josh and possibly Kate (please come home!).

I haven't had a massage in 6 months you guys. Life is getting rough. And my back feels like a loaf of Challah bread.

(Inappropriate on a baby bib?)

After my last blog entry a few of you commented that I seem to just have issues with public transportation. Becky, you said, So you're basically just anxious when you take the subway and walk outside?

No. Not really. I guess I didn't do an extensive enough blog entry. I'm anxious about tons of things! Not just transportation! The thing is, with the lists and all, sometimes I like to have long lists that are not as detailed, and sometimes I like to have shorter, more in-depth lists of things. I went for the second option in the last blog entry, but maybe, or definitely, I have more to say on the subject.

Other things that make me anxious

1) Counting change. OOF. Are you ever at the grocery store and your total comes to some ridiculous number like $45.63, and you happen to have 3 $2o bills, and then also 7 pounds of change in your wallet? And then you say to yourself 'This is an opportunity' so you open the change compartment in your wallet which is so full you're wondering how you even managed to close it, and you slowly count out some nickels and dimes and pennies, only to look up and see the cashier staring blankly at you.

And then you look to the line that's formed behind you and see looks of contempt in the eyes of the other customers and you worry that maybe they're going to jump you after you leave the check-out line. That makes me nervous.

2) Ordering at restaurants. I have a hard time talking to waiters and waitresses. In my mind, I sound like a perfect lady, polite and well-spoken, when ordering off a menu. In reality, I sound like a complete douchetard.

Becky's perception: Oh, hello! I hope you're doing well! Thank you for coming to take my order! I'll have the chicken salad (*author's note* - I'm obviously trying to give a certain impression by ordering a 'chicken salad' in this fantasy...anyway). Thanks so much.

The reality: OH H E L L O. I HOPE you're doing W E L L (as if I'm talking to someone who reads lips and can't hear, or doesn't speak English, or is slow, or whom I hate). THANKS "so much" for coming to take my order (asshole). I'll have the chicken salad.

Now, I wasn't aware of this habit until a few years ago, and I've tried to rectify my ways by talking to waiters / waitresses / servers (what's the PC term these days? American Indian?) as I talk to my friends...in a nice, calm, chill way. But it's still on my mind every time I put my menu down on the table and wait to order. It makes me a bit nervous.

3) Walking on ice. Most of you had heard this story, but I don't care about you. So for the people who haven't, let me spin you a yarn. I was walking home in high school, on a post-snow-y day (hey, remember when it used to snow like, once a year and then it was icy for a bit, and then it was gone and back to normal? yeah, me too. RIP those days), wearing adidas sandals and socks (I swear, lots of people wore sandals and socks in high school...ugh), walking down a huge hill, when I noticed an elderly man fall on a huge ice slick. He was about 50 feet ahead of me, further down the hill, and in my sandals and socks (I dress much more sensibly now...oh wait, no. That's false) , I was powerless to help him. What if I fell, too?

Now, whenever I walk on ice, I think of that guy, and I think of falling, and I think of people watching me fall, and I think of no one being around to help me. I fall on level, dry, surfaces all the time. And we're going to add ice to the equation? Really?

(Google image search 'icy sidewalks'. Results: ^)

4) Wearing heels. I basically never wear heels because they make me nervous. Sure, they look awesome and something about guys liking them and me wanting guys to like me or whatever. But, I just don't like being uncomfortable. I do my best to wear socially acceptable sweatpants whenever possible. Dresses made out of cotton. Pants with stretch in them. Jeans that are actually leggings in disguise. So, though I find heels attractive, I know, from having worn them before, and having talked to people who wear them, and having hung out with friends in heels, that those thingies are uncomfortable. I make a pain-grin when I am uncomfortable, so, apart from the fear of being out and about, and trapped in footwear that feels like a dozen elves clawing at my feet, there's the fear of my pain-grin and how scary I would look to other people.

Making a face like this:


Would negate wearing shoes like this:

(C8lin, if you read this...do you own these already? cuz they kind of have you written all over them)
No?

In conclusion, perhaps a third entry on this topic is to come. ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND EVERYONE!