Things that grind my gears

I used to watch the show 'Family Guy'. A lot. My brother, sister and I own various seasons of it on DVD and when we were all home for family holidays we'd spend hours in front of the TV cracking up at Peter's stupidity and Stewie's various attempts to take over the world. Hehehe. That's how we laughed.

On one episode of the show, I would look up the title FYI but I'm too lazy, Peter delivers a segment in the local news called 'You know what really grinds my gears'. It might not be called that, actually. It might be 'What grinds my gears', or 'Stuff that pisses me off'. But at the beginning of each segment, Peter says 'You know what really grinds my gears....?' and it's funny. I'm going to copy him, sort of.

RIGHT NOW!

Things that grind my gears

1) Pants with really, really, really low zippers. Who are these pants made for? Not for me! Pants with low zippers seem like a good idea...until you need to sit down. And then all of your business is exposed, for everyone to see! I like to keep my business to myself (normally I wear 5 pairs of underwear and 2 pairs of stockings under leggings under a skirt), therefore, the fact that these low-zippered pants make up 90% of pants currently offered in stores, grinds my gears!

2) Waiters/Waitresses that take a long time to serve you. What's the problem here? I did my job, aka ORDERED my food, now you should do yours, aka BRING IT to me. Don't give me looks like I'm inconveniencing you. And don't give me looks like you're scared because I'm looking at you...even if my gaze IS a little intense. I wouldn't be looking at you if you had done your job and brought me my food. I'd be looking at my food. And eating it.

3) The subway. There are a lot of things I don't like about the subway. I could probably do a whole blog about the subway and why I don't like it...
In fact...I'd kind of planned on doing that. Should I hold out? Yeah, I'll hold out. TOMORROW look for: 'Things I don't like about the Subway'.

4) People who walk in the middle of things. Have you ever tried to walk quickly up a flight of stairs in a public place? Have you ever NOT been able to do that because someone, who got there first, is walking in the middle of them? You can't go left, You can't go right...but you're in a hurry! What do you do? Probably clear your throat, like I do, and hope the person FEELS your presence and moves over. I mean stairs are for EVERYONE. and EVERYONE knows you're supposed to stay to the RIGHT...
The same applies for sidewalks and really any narrow walking space. 'The middle' is a good song by Jimmy Eat World and where I like to sleep in my bed...but it's not where I walk. That's rude.
That shiz grinds my gears!

5) People who say 'YOU PEOPLE' in a non-joking manner (I added the non-joking manner bit because I actually say 'you people'...but I don't grind my gears). I mean, c'mon. Let's not generalize. Let's be more specific. THOSE people, who say 'YOU PEOPLE', when they're talking, all of them grind my gears!
wait...

6) People who, thanks Deb for reminding me about this, talk on their cell phone while they're at work. If you work in an office, and you have your own personal space, this doesn't apply to you. In fact, if you work in an office and are able to break away for a few minutes to talk on your cellie then GOOD FOR YOU! I'm sure the company you're working for isn't paying you enough and that you DESERVE those 3 minutes of phone time with your bff/bf/gf/mom/sister/brother/grandmother/grandfather/auditor (uh oh)/credit card company...
Continuing, this applies to people who are in the service industry and INSIST on talking on their mo-biles while working. What's up with that? By law your employer is REQUIRED to give you breaks during the day...so...talk on your cell phone then! Don't, cashier, take forever to ring up my groceries because your boyfriend needs to hear, for the 10th time today, how much you love him. And don't, subway station attendant, make me wait to buy my monthly metro card because you just HAD to take this call. It's not fair! Do your job! Don't talk on your cell phone on work and make me WAIT or LATE to things! That REALLY grinds my GEARS!

7) People with big dogs. So, we all know I like cats. LOVE THEM! But, you might not know that I don't like (big) dogs. I like small dogs that look like cats...that are gentle and sleep a lot. I don't like big dogs. They drool. They smell bad. They poop all over the place. But, fine. They're animals. They don't know any better. They can't help the fact that they can't use the toilet and need to leave their poop all over the sidewalk. And they can't help the fact that I don't pay attention when I walk and so I step in their...
Anyway. The REAL ones to blame are the BIG dog owners. They grind my gears! They KNOW better than to let their dog jump all over me when I'm walking. They KNOW better than to let their dog pee on the subway, or poop in a pedestrian walk area. They KNOW and yet they do nothing about it and assume that because 'all people love dogs' I won't care that their dog is in my area or bothering me. Well, I DO care. Keep your dog inside and out of my way, lady/man! People with dogs grind my gears!

8) Sales Tax. I don't really have a lot to say about it. It's just annoying. And also, can't things just be evenly priced? $5 for a shirt, instead of $4.99? It's too much work counting out change and I throw away pennies. No really. I have thrown away pennies before.

9) Pretty much every person who calls me at work. They just...don't get it. I don't take orders. I don't know who just called them. I don't know where everyone in the office is located at a certain time. I don't own a Marauders Map, ok?! I'm sorry! It's bad enough that Hogwarts doesn't really exist and that even if it DOES they didn't invite me to come. But do I really need to be reminded, constantly, that I don't own an omniscient map of JNF like Harry does of Hogwarts? That I don't know where everyone is all the time? that I don't have an invisibility cloak? That I'm a receptionist, and not a wizard, right now? I don't think so. LEAVE A MESSAGE, callers! And if you know the, you know, ordering number, CALL IT!

I'll come back to this list later and add pictures.
And I'll probably write another 'things that grind my gears' entry since this is far from complete but already too long for one day.